write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
I'm only wanting to do this because my husband put all these great ideas into my head about the naval reserves, but now I'm back to doubting myself; back to all the excuses why I never joined the mlitary back when I should have.
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
it won't change at all - just get rid of them for a little while - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it might make me feel better in the short term, but it will reenforce my own discouragement - military members don't slice themselves up when things go wrong - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
It will feel so great at first. I miss it soooo badly! But I know it's only a temporary fix - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
it will be very temporary; the feelings will come back. And it will also come back to bite me if my husband finds the cuts - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I need to get some sleep, but I'm wide awake. And I'll still have to deal with these feelings once I wake up - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I won't really care - either way I've dealt with it. And if I cut, at least I will have done something somewhat constructive. The only one who will care is my husband - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I'm going to try to sleep now, but these thoughts will come back...I just hate getting these great ideas into my head and having them ripped away by reality...