help me

[crazy_unbeautiful]

my name is krissy and i need help and i dont know where to nemore im so lost .im only 19 and i feel its over for me completely.my problems have overwhelmed me since i was veryyoung.i know in my heart my dad was the one who sexually abused me but my mom and my family told me i was dreaming when everymorning id wake up to find myslef soar down there.it was useless to tell ne one no one believed me and then he walked out on us when my mom was starting to party too much.she drank and did coke and had us living like animals.i fend for my lil sis and bro my whole life and i feel like i raised those two when my mom and dad werent there for us.it got so bad we went to live wit my aunt.my life at home has been so screwed up it made me wanna leave it so bad so i was lookin to get out when i truned 13.i have found me repeating the whole abuse thing since all me ex boyfriends seemed to have thrown me around a few times.then i met my ex who jus plain beat me for fun and i luved him so much i moved 400 miles away from home to live wit him for a yr and half i did.i was the stay at home wife and i worked to give him the paycheks while he cheated on me so many times and hit me like i was a toy.then i found out i was 14 wks prego so when he found out him and his lil gf decided to jump me one nite when i came home and i lost the baby.u thought id leave but i didnt.i stayed wit him thinking i needed him and he needed me or he would fall aprt without me.but i woke and left him.now im alone 400 miles away from everything i know and im scared.my family dont want me home nemore so i have no where to go but here wit the only friend i have here.about a wk ago i began to cut myslef again and its gettin out of hand on me,its truning into a demon ive never seen before and i dont know how to grip myslef togther.i dont know wut to do but when it happens for me i cant control it and that wut has me scared cuz i dont think i want to control it nemore.ive considered giving up cuz im tired of hurting.if ne one is out there in this world please i need sumone tohelp me and tell me wut i need to do.this lat episode was a bad one real bad.i dont know wut ill do next time.jus sumone please ive reached out so please help me neone sumone.

[strmdncr]

From what I've read in your post you sound absolutely exhausted and frightened, both of which make complete sense given everything you have gone through. My own personal thought is that you need to go talk to hospital emerg. I'm not quite sure where you are located, some places it's called ER, others it's called A&E. If you are feeling this badly and are this scared about what you could do to yourself it is okay to go and talk to doctors for help. If you can't bring yourself to do that, crisis lines or suicide lines in your area is the next best suggestion I have. Please do find yourself some help from a person who is closer to you, it is important that you give yourself this chance. Bad things happening to you does not make you a bad person and you do deserve the chance to take care of you and have good things. Sending caring thoughts. I'm not sure if hugs are okay or not so I'll send you because I like them and find them peaceful.

[Spidey]

Welcome to BUS.

Along with what strmdncr said, do you know of any domestic abuse hotlines or shelters where you live? Granted now that you are 400 miles away you may not need to stay in the shelter, but they could put you in touch with a counselor and people who can get you back on your feet and adjusted to the new life you have now.