write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
these crazy strong feelings will stop, even for a few minutes. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
a break.
my strength. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i don't know. at another time i'm sure i'd really regret it, i always do. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
good question. the relief won't last long. when it comes back then i guess i wouldn't know how to manage it because i don't now. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
watch a movie. punch the shit out of something. that's the problem, it will last forever and i don't know what i'll do. there's this never ending well of rage inside of me. when am i supposed to feel better? - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i'll feel like shit tomorrow if i do. i'll have to make sure my sleeves don't slide and show the cuts. if i come up with something else, i'll still feel like my head is going to explode. but i won't have any cuts to hide. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i really want to cut the shit out of myself. i don't know what to do. the more i try to get out the anger, the stronger it gets.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.