slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
I have. - what had happened just before?
Nothing in particular. I was at home (sick) watching TV. - what were you thinking and feeling?
Mostly the thought to SI like that crossed my mind, and I did it on impulse. It was something that didn't feel like 'real' SI, and I'd been resisting urges to do some things that would do much more harm.
It was a resurgence of the urge to give myself a scar. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I think it was because I felt like the urges had passed, and wasn't mentally ready. And a bit because I'd had scarier and more dangerous methods on my mind, the less scary idea was harder to resist.
And I've been feeling a bit unmotivated about not doing SI and resisting SI urges today. I know I'm going to want to do better and get better in the future, but now I don't entirely. - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I can't find a final straw. Not for this. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I was sick. And PMSing. And I haven't slept well lately.
PMS hits me hard every time, and I can't keep myself from getting sick. I can try to do something about the sleep issues, but I've been trying, and it hasn't worked so far. - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Right before? Nothing. I wasn't feeling motivated.
The day before I posted on here, repeatedly, and asked for help. I sat down and examined the urges. I found healthy distractions. I did stuff to take care of myself that worked (taking a sick day - making sure I got some healthy meals) and some stuff that didn't work (I tried to get a doctor's appointment, but I couldn't find one free that worked with my insurance - it's a bad time to try to see a doctor right now; they're booked solid). - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Reminding myself that if it can be used to leave a scar (or does any damage, or is actually painful) and I use it like SI, it is real SI. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I don't know. I can't make commitments right now. I can barely get myself to keep at the commitments I've already made (posting on here about these things, getting regular exercise, noting things like this on a journal, taking St. John's Wort). I can't make any more on top of that right now. - how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It's not resolved. I don't know about how to resolve it. I tried everything healthy I could think of so far. - are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I'm in a similar place now. Still urgy. It didn't even resolve the urginess. Just put it off for a few hours.
Reminding myself that the last one didn't resolve things helps. And that it wouldn't work this time, due to time-lag (I don't know if it's going to scar long-term for at least a week). Rereading stuff said on here. Taking appropriate medicine for cramps. Doing laundry (makes me feel less messy and icky, and something productive and mildly active). Finding something relaxing to read or watch. Writing.
I don't know if I want to stop myself. I know I should stop myself, and I know I should want to. I know I'll want to, and I know I'll wish I had. - what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
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I will do laundry. Less urge-provoking than trying to clean anything kitchen-related.
I'll make myself wait a few minutes after an urge hits. I know I can do that, and if I do that I probably won't SI, because I'll have thought. It's acting on impulse that's dangerous.
I haven't got a third thing.
I'm skipping opportunities for now.
