write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It'll keep me distracted from the (what looks like) rejection I have had. It still wont stop the fact that J never e-mailed me
- what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll ease the mental runaround that is going on right now, and will take away the trust that everyone has in me for not hurting myself. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
All I want to do is get through the 2 months with having a bit of support from him, but I guess hurting myself will get me further away from having that. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It'll help me out with this morning for sure and then perhaps some of the school day. After that I will probably realise most what I have done and probably breakdown again. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Well right now I am answering this as a hope of recognising things, otherwise soon enough I need to get ready for school (Shower, shave, brush teeth, check schoolbag) and actually go to school, so by then I should be distracted enough. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'd feel totally shit of I hurt myself by tomorrow, especially if I choose an area that is very hard to hide at work. If I did the other thing then I can continue with work and what not with not as strong worries. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I just want to be able to get on with life without being so dependent on one person 24/7, but it seems so tough.
Urges aren't necessarily the enemy. They happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. Remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
The fact that J never e-mailed me and it makes me feel pathetic. He may well have just forgotten or something but to me, he rejected me and it has driven me up the wall - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Well last time I just sort of went and see J on the bus, but that isn't possible so I need to think of some other way of dealing with it. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Having a drink to quench my thirst so far. I can attempt to eat some breakfast before school if the bad feeling in my stomach doesn't go away. - How do I feel right now?
Confused, annoyed, upset, rejected. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Well distracted from the mental confusion and runaround in my head. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
An idiot (probably starting the spiral of SI again) - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Not for the next 2 months or so, so I do need to deal with not communicating with J better. - Do I need to hurt myself?
I want to say yes, but logic and rational thinking is saying no. I hate mental fights
