write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It won't. My father will still want me to move out. My mother still won't let me move in. My girlfriend will still be three hours away. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a sense of calm and relief. It will take away the eight months I have worked so hard for. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
The long run. Ha. Right now I just need to concentrate on finding a place to live. Then I can worry about the long run. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Relief will only last a short time. Then I'll probably be pissy. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could and have done a lot of self soothing today. It hasn't changed the situation I'm in. I could also work on some distractions, but I feel distinctly unmotivated. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Guilty if I SI, successful if I don't. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
What I really want is to hug and kiss my girlfriend and tell her how I'm feeling. I can best honor my self protective instinct by cuddling with the teddy bear I intend to give her soon.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
My father seems to want to kick me out of the house. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, once. I went to a friend's house until he cooled down. I'm not friends with her anymore so I can't do that, but it made me feel better then. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've taken a shower, put on nice smelly lotion, talked to a friend, cuddled Chaucer the teddy bear, made some soup, walked the dog, and taken the ornaments down off the tree. I could take a walk in the snow, I could to my DBT homework, I could make some tea, I could burn some lavendar oil. - How do I feel right now?
Depressed and unmotivated - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
intense relief. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
more relief, then most likely guilt - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I'm working on avoiding the stressor by trying to find someplace else permanent to live. - Do I need to hurt myself?
No, but I've wanted to for days.