Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. Look at it. Ask yourself:
- How will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?
I know it won't and that frustrates me - What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
It won't do anything, positive or negative - How do I want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel that there is hope. That it is possible for everyone in my life to be happy. Obviously, hurting myself is quite conterproductive. - If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will I do then?
It isn't a good option at all. I just don't know what else to do. - What is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation I'm in? How long will that change last, and what will I do then?
Lots of things, homework, write, read. It would get my mind of it for a little while. It won't last long though. This is just something I have to deal with and I don't want to. - How will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? How will I feel tomorrow if I do the other thing I came up with?
I'll definitely feel worse tomorrow if I hurt myself now. - What do I really want to do right now? How can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't know.
Urges aren't necessarily the enemy. They happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. Temember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Because everything was going fine for C, K, and I... then C's ex tried to kill himself. People just can't stay happy. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I don't know. I don't think so. I always hoped that one day shit would work out for all of us. I guess it's a slow realization that that probably won't ever happen. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've written some stuff down, taken a shower, slept. I should probably talk to someone about it. - How do I feel right now?
Sad, conflicted, hopeless, worrried - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
A release, clear my head - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Even more hopeless then I feel now - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Not really. I just need to accept it. - Do I need to hurt myself?
Not really. Honestly I know it's only going to make everything so much worse. I'm pretty sure I won't. It's just dealing with the urge that is getting annoying.