Before :(

[idork]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I will not feel anymore. I will have my concentration back.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Bring: concentration/numbness

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I would like to feel happy... how simple is that!!!? Hurting myself at least takes the pain away for a little while... Hurting myself will not necessary bring me closer to the situation, but I do not know if it would take me farther either.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

Lately it's been daily. I hope it will last the night time at least. What do I do then... well... try to delay myself AGAIN and si eventually...

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

Well, I have my t appointment in 30 minutes... so if I can delay until then... I could write or draw perhaps. It might bring concentration to me, which would mean I will not fuze out as much in the session today.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

If I hurt myself I'll feel worried about scars and covering it up.
If I try something else I'll just continue feeling urgy.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to see blood and feel numb.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I am very sad and frustrated and feel out of control and alot of self-hatred. I just want to cut away my worries and cut away the pain. I also just tried to eat a snack and I couldn't finish it and I feel sad because I ate that much even and I feel out of control because my ed is controlling me. I'm hating my body and hating me alot right now.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

Yes and no. I either went for a walk or sied. After the walk I usually go to sleep (night-time walks)... so I just am still avoiding how I feel. After si-ing I feel relief sometimes and a little better, although I worry about scars.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I've been doing this to delay myself before I head to my t appointment.

How do I feel right now?

Very upset, like sobbing and breaking down and dying and sickened by how I look.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

Relief, concentration on the cutting and not on the pain.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

Afterwards I might be able to concentrate and I'll feel little. Tomorrow morning I'll probally feel urgy again.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

Get used to the idea of eating... I can avoid stress by organizing some.

Do I need to hurt myself?

I feel like I do.

If I do I will have to after the t appointment... so maybe the t appointment will help... but how do I tell her how I am feeling right now?

[han]

i hope you can hold on until the t appt, talk to them about it and find another way to get through this...
hold on there idork
thinking of you
han x

[funkymusic]

You have done a great job pinning down your feelings, locating and naming them. Just keep holding on! I hope you held/are holding on still, and made/make it to your T appointment.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

Lately it's been daily. I hope it will last the night time at least. What do I do then... well... try to delay myself AGAIN and si eventually...

That stuck out to me. I had the exact same attitude six months ago. 'I'll delay myself and eventually SI again, so what's the point?' But one day, I delayed myself, and kept delaying myself, and the urge went away. Then it came back, so I delayed myself. Repeat. Here I am, six months ago, still SI-free. I know you can do it!

Lena

[idork]

I haven't sied for a couple days . I delayed until my T appointment and delayed afterwards too and didnt delay ... I cant get rid of the urges though, they never leave... their even in my freaking dreams!! *screams*

[han]

woooo go Heather!
keep on with the delaying and i hope it works out for you
hugs
han x

[funkymusic]

Ah, yes, I remember that. I dreamt of SI for days. Lord, it's terrible. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I hope they go away soon for you. And if you keep delaying, they probably will! A couple days is a fantastic start. Keep up the good work!