BEFORE

[onlypurples]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel better. My urge will go away. I will be able to visualize my emotions. The feelings will go numb, which are easier to deal with than this wide range of chaos in my head.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring relief. It will take away 6months without cutting.


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want my pain to go away, the emotional pain. Cutting will help this go away in the short-term so I can better deal with the long term.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will last for a few minutes to a few hours. When I feel this way again, I might be able to cope differently because I'll have different resources available.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Crochet, take a shower, get ready for work. It won't change my emotions, it will only pass the time before I have to go into work. Time will eventually run out and I'll have to go to work.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Pretty crummy either way. I can always crochet later, but I don't always have the time to cut or hurt myself like I do now.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to hurt myself so badly that I won't ever be able to feel anything again. I don't know how to best honor myself because right now, all I deserve is to hurt deeply and badly and forever. I deserve to punish myself.


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I just can't take it anymore. I am so alone and so overwhelmed. I have nothing else or no one else to turn to but myself. I deserve to hurt and bleed and be scarred up like I am. I can't handle everything that is happening right now. I feel very alone and unsupported.


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I get this way almost all the time, just I can't take it anymore. I feel like it has been building and building and building up. I am at a breaking point.


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have tried to eat something, crochetted a little, gotten on BUS, attempted to txt msg someone. I can't think of anything else I can do that will work and keep me from hurting.


How do I feel right now?
Terrible, overwhelmed, confused, alone, scared, isolated.


How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Scared, relieved, guilty.


How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Guilty, physically in pain, itchy, overwhelmed, secretive.


Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't know how to avoid it. I just can't handle my health, finances, bad job situation, family problems, lack of friends, and everything else. I just don't know --- I am at such a breaking point right now.


Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes. I need to get this pain out so I can see it, deal with it, and move on.

[WhaleCounter]

I can only imagine the pain that you are going through right now. I hope that you found the strength not to hurt yourself. I think you have good ideas for alternatives. what about something more physical that could help to get your energy out? for instance, tonight i did 6 miles on the eliptical (i usually only do 2!). It worked - i got all my anger and energy out, and now I am so exhausted I am falling asleep early for the first time in weeks! At any rate, I thought this may be something you could try that is also punishing on the body, yet leaves no lasting scars, and actually serves as a healthier way to express your feelings.

The problem with cutting, and thinking that it will get the pain out, is that it really only serves to release the pent up emotion that we think we can't deal with. However, we all have strength to get through this, otherwise we wouldn't be here on this board seeking help and support. I wonder if after cutting, will you actually have dealt with the feelings or moreso pushed them further away and focused on blaming yourself?

I hope that you can find the strength to get through the night. Remember that everyone is valuable and absolutely no one deserves to be punished by hurting themselves, including you!