slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
nothing to take care of - what had happened just before?
I was in church trying to pray and focus on God - what were you thinking and feeling?
feeling...nothing. No, that isn't quite right. dead? Nope, still not quite right. will come back to that.
Thinking...I don't know. I was trying to focus on God, and on what we were praying for. I don't remember any negative thoughts except being frustrated by the feelings...and I don't have a name for them, nor do I know where they came from or why they were so bad. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I walked out of the service to get some cold water and see if that would help. It didn't. And I hit myself and left a bruise. I looked for something to cut with, found something, and then put it back and went back into church. The SI I did was very impulsive, but I did avoid the more serious one. (although I see something right now that I could cut with and it is looking very tempting. Not sure why. Won't do it. At least not yet. Will need to hide that thing though.) - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. I have no idea. I was trying what I know, even going to get the cold water was part of trying to cope. I suppose I might have done better if I had given up on church and gone to sleep, but that might have made things worse too...it really frustrates me when I can't do the things I want to do because I am too tired. There were no "events" to trace back through...just feelings, and I can't find names for them or figure out where they came from.
- were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? I was very tired, but I am often very tired due to a sleep disorder. I have been taking my meds. Nothing I can think of that I can change in the future as far as outside influences.
- what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
distraction
talking to God about the feelings
cold water
walking around
None of them worked. - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I don't know. I know I could have just put up with the feelings better. But as far as something that would actually help...can't think of anything. Going to sleep might have helped but it also might have made it worse, so I don't know whether to try that or not. Sometimes I am ok with falling asleep in church, but sometimes it really frustrates me and I get angry with myself that I am so limited. I don't know. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
um...haven't come up with anything yet. - how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I don't know what the situation was. I am still feeling...whatever this is. And I am still having urges to SI, so I suspect it isn't resolved. But as far as resolving it...I have no idea, since I don't know what it is or why it is happening. Probably need to do some thinking and try to find a name for the feelings...maybe that would help. I don't know... - are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Still there.
- what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
sleep
distract with book or computer
