write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It won't change
- what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? it will bring about closure or the punishment that I feel that I need.
- how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I dond't know
- if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? IF it is for punishment which it is, then it is just that punishment.
- what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? nothing, well I am doing this.
- how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? Can't feel much worse than I do right now.
- what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I am not sure I have a self protective instinct. I just don't want people mad at me again.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? punishment, I always hurt other people
- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes, same
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I have been in therapy and that turned out to be more harmful than good.
- How do I feel right now? Words cannot express, self loathing, self hate,
- How will I feel when I am hurting myself? relief, like I deserve it. I hurt others I should be hurt.
- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? Relileved, I will feel like I deserved it
- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Only if I run away. - Do I need to hurt myself?
yes yes yes but will I? Not sure