Scars...strange conflict?

[Fohara]

I'm starting to get really nervous about the scars on my leg as the warm weather approaches. My SI got kind of bad from about Sept 07 to now...didn't really realize how obvious, how gross the scars on my leg were until fairly recently. I used to sort of have a made up lie about the lower ones (a couple inches above my knee), and when I realized they were getting obvious I moved higher. But looking at my leg, there are too many now to fit my lie. I'm worried about bathing suits, shorts, etc...? Even at the gym in a 9000 degree Spinning class I wear yoga pants to hide my thigh.

So I'm having this weird conflict. I was at the drugstore and there are all kinds of scar therapy kits for sale. I'm not sure if any of them work, but I thought about getting one to try and get rid of some before summer. For some bizarre reason, though I'm almost reluctant to do this. I can't explain it. I want to get rid of them because I don't want people to notice and judge me (specifically my husband's family when we go away to a warm weather place for 2 weeks in the summer). On the other hand, I feel like they're a part of me and erasing them is like erasing part of me? I don't know how to explain it. I don't know where this conflict is coming from. I don't know if this sounds crazy or not...but having them is sometimes comforting--during stressful times I sometimes just put my hand on my leg and feel better knowing they're there.

Can anyone identify and/or offer some advice? Suggestions? Llamas?
I bought a tube of some scar stuff, but every time I apply it I feel like I'm betraying my identity or something. Ugh.

Help?
--fohara