The title of this thread (for those that don't know) is a line from a Rudyard Kipling poem called 'If'.
The focus is on how to keep calm when your irrational thoughts and anxieties start to build up and take over and attempt to skew the words and actions of those around you into more than they really are.
I struggle with this a lot, and I'm struggling with it even more at the moment. So any tips on how to try and remain calm and rational would be greatly appreciated.
how to keep your head when all about you are losing theirs?
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I don't know if this will work for you... but I'm actually a lot more calm when everyone else is losing their heads than when they are calm, because I try to comfort them and end up comforting myself. (And someone this doesn't work when I'm talking to myself 
). Try to detach yourself from the situation and then look to help those around you calm down. I don't know... good luck.
). Try to detach yourself from the situation and then look to help those around you calm down. I don't know... good luck.
I just clicked on the topic for the literary reference (from a brilliantly bookish BUSer), but I regret to say that I have little advice in regards to the actual question. This is something that I struggle with, too (which has a lot to do with why I am reluctant to build relationships). I'll be reading along out of personal interest...I would like to know how others seem to apparently function marvelously in social relationships while I continuously (and self-consciously) destroy my own through not-so-rational thinking.
I will add, however, something that sometimes works to snap me back into reality (if only just a little):
Think about the way that you treat people, and how you regard them. Think about the things that you do to go out of your way for others, and why you do this. Chances are, you don't go out of your way for a person if you don't care about them. Think, then, of the ways in which people go out of their way for you...and these don't even have to be big things. Do they call you on the phone? Send you a facebook message? Everything that a person does is proof that they were at least thinking of you in some way, and almost certainly indicative of the fact that they care about you and are making a conscious effort to keep you in their lives. When I think things like "nobody likes me", I try to consider the actual likelihood of that when there is physical evidence to prove otherwise (I'm usually just being too stubborn to see it).
I will add, however, something that sometimes works to snap me back into reality (if only just a little):
Think about the way that you treat people, and how you regard them. Think about the things that you do to go out of your way for others, and why you do this. Chances are, you don't go out of your way for a person if you don't care about them. Think, then, of the ways in which people go out of their way for you...and these don't even have to be big things. Do they call you on the phone? Send you a facebook message? Everything that a person does is proof that they were at least thinking of you in some way, and almost certainly indicative of the fact that they care about you and are making a conscious effort to keep you in their lives. When I think things like "nobody likes me", I try to consider the actual likelihood of that when there is physical evidence to prove otherwise (I'm usually just being too stubborn to see it).
"I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest film. No lies whatsoever. I thought I had something so simple to say. Something useful to everybody. A film that could help bury forever all those dead things we carry within ourselves. Instead, I'm the one without the courage to bury anything at all. When did I go wrong? I really have nothing to say, but I want to say it all the same." -Federico Fellini's 8 1/2
...beneath the waves...
Something I learnt during DBT : 
well when you are dealing with irrational thouights and axiety and are generally in an emotional place, you need to Step back from the situation, then observe in a non-judemental way what is happening and then describe the situation to yourself. After doing that then you only decide how respnd to the situation and then act. It sort of puts a barrier between your thougths and your actions, givng you the chance to see if your feelings and thougths could influence and have control over your actions and letting you think about things and decide what would be an appropriate response to the stressfull situation.
Sorry the reply is so rushed. hope it makes sense and helps a bit
~Roxi
well when you are dealing with irrational thouights and axiety and are generally in an emotional place, you need to Step back from the situation, then observe in a non-judemental way what is happening and then describe the situation to yourself. After doing that then you only decide how respnd to the situation and then act. It sort of puts a barrier between your thougths and your actions, givng you the chance to see if your feelings and thougths could influence and have control over your actions and letting you think about things and decide what would be an appropriate response to the stressfull situation.
Sorry the reply is so rushed. hope it makes sense and helps a bit
~Roxi
We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans. We take ourselves very, very seriously. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving… We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins… We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything." - Courtney Martin.
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Roxi, I've heard ideas like that before, and I have a question, if that's alright? How do you step back? I've been told often I need to learn to do it, but I have no idea how, and no one has ever really been able to explain it in a way that isn't saying 'step baaaaack' really, really slowly and looking at me like I'm an idiot.
I really want to try it, I'm just utterly baffled about how to do it.
Thanks!
I really want to try it, I'm just utterly baffled about how to do it.
Thanks!
questions are always ok ...getting a coherent answer out of me is another thing altogether. So let's hope that this does not turn out to be either garbled or redundant in anyway. Let me know if it donesn't make any sense 
Well the way I see it is that stepping back is like removing yourself from the situation in order to gain perspective and some objectivity instead of letting our minds jump to conclusions and assume things. It's almost like zooming out with a camera so you can see the whole picture more clearly; only you are in front of the camera , but also (when stepping back) behind it observing like an outsider.
Hope that made sense
X ROXi
...getting a coherent answer out of me is another thing altogether. So let's hope that this does not turn out to be either garbled or redundant in anyway. Let me know if it donesn't make any sense Well the way I see it is that stepping back is like removing yourself from the situation in order to gain perspective and some objectivity instead of letting our minds jump to conclusions and assume things. It's almost like zooming out with a camera so you can see the whole picture more clearly; only you are in front of the camera , but also (when stepping back) behind it observing like an outsider.
Hope that made sense
X ROXi
We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans. We take ourselves very, very seriously. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving… We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins… We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything." - Courtney Martin.
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handmade mute
- sprouting branches
- Posts: 1001
- Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:36 pm
- Location: Brisbane, Australia
...am glad it made sense
We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans. We take ourselves very, very seriously. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving… We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins… We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything." - Courtney Martin.
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