making choices

[VowsOfSadness]

wow its weird how sometimes I really want to do something but I can't whether it be good or bad. Sometimes when I make the right decision it doesn't feel good.

Recently I've been very ambivalent about a decision I had to make. I have a bad habit of pretending like I don't have to make a decision up until the last minute when things come crashing down. I am just unrealistic about things, meaning I really don't think in-depth about the aspects I just think about how I want them to be.

Reality sucks. And wanting to do something and not being able to do it sucks. And making tough decisions sucks.

I mean why does the right thing have to be so tough? Why can't I just want not to drink? How come my best friend can never drink and think drinking looks so lame and uncool when I'm looking at the same thing thinking it looks awesome and amazing.