before...

[han]

Before You Self-Harm
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
***i will feel better for a short period, then I will feel worse***

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
***it will give me temporary relief, allow me to stop struggling against the urges and a time out. It will take away my strength in not doing it***

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
***further - just want to feel normal***

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
***it might calm me for a few hours. then i will freak out. the cuts will make me feel physically sick. i will wake up a thousand times in the night hoping it was a bad dream***

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
***i could try to talk to my friend, but i dont want to freak him out and I dont feel like i have a valid reason for feeling like this. i could just try to stay at my desk and act like all is ok. i want to cry***

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
***i will feel guilty, sick with shame and will have caused more probs for myself in the long run***

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
***i want to acknowledge that i feel bad. I FEEL BAD***

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
***stress, jobs, supporting friend who si's and doesnt even know that i did, tiredness, confusion about relationships, mostly im knackered***

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
***in the past i have cut. or just used my nails to cause some pain. or slept but that is not an option for several hours***

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
***been on bus, posted here, replied to some posts, tried to feel supported on here, mentioned it in passing to my friend***

How do I feel right now?
***bad***

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
***calm, dissociated, focused on what i am doing and nothing else***

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
***guilty and shameful, like mini ptsd***

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
***try to find a way to talk about it, wish friend was closer so I could talk to him, have a hug, cry and feel better***

Do I need to hurt myself?
***i dont need to, i just want to***

[caged bird]

it's good that you seem to be able to see that the SI will only be a temporary solution and that it isn't what you want in the long run. wether you have a valid reason or not for feeling the way you do, you are feeling it, so perhaps talking to your friend would be a good thing?

hope you're feeling a bit better now and have got a good nights sleep.
xx

[han]

thank you so much for replying. knowing that someone read what I was thinking and took the time to think and reply means a lot. I talked to my friend in the end - feel so much better for talking, I have realised I am not as far forward as I thought, but I have support to get there now
x
and I did that without cutting, although some deep scratches... so I am counting that as a success