princess butterflies coping place

[princessbutterfly25]

hi everyone i was wondering what everyone has loss by cutting and what you have gained from cutting

[syn]

What a question! Though I don't know if I have an answer for it. The biggest loss for me I guess was my freedom. SI is a life of secrecy, I would hide my body and my feelings from everyone, even my husband. It is still something I am trying to get back, I still have scars, and it's hard sometimes to ignore them.

I guess I gained perspective through SI, though there were probably tons of healthier ways for me to go about getting it. Though the understanding of the perspective gained didn't come until long after I stopped.

[Licentia Poetica]

Hmmm. I agree, interesting question.

What I have gained:

Attention in circumstances that I needed attention and didn't have any other way to ask for it. A certain (temporary) feeling that I could match the badness outside to the badness inside. A zillion times where self harm helped me survive - sure, it wasn't the healthiest thing to do, but it has kept me here and got me through things I didn't think I could get through. It also led me to BUS, and a lot of understanding about myself about how I react to stress.

What I have lost:

Well, the most significant things right now for me is the fact that my scars make it difficult *every day* to try and fit in at work, or with my friends or at uni. I feel I have lost the ability to ever be beautiful. I have a permanent injury in my left arm because I was dumb enough not to get stitches when I needed them. It's not that bad, but it still hurts and I imagine wil do so for good. I have lost a lot of time and energy worrying about stitches and infections and crap. I have lost some good friends. I have lost respect from a lot of people. And I have lost the ability to cope without harming myself in some way shape or form whether that be cutting, or drinking or not taking care of myself. And that's the scariest one.

Well done on your week

[Chaocontrol6]

My response to that...

What I gain from cutting myself

Those few moments of relief, being able to take care of myself in my own way. Just getting away from the world until I feel ready to go back into the world. Sometimes to get feelings back inside me, because more often than not I have no feeling inside me and that makes me cut, to experience the feeling of pain and seeing the blood reminds me I'm alive.

What I lose from cutting myself

The fact that I have to worry about keeping it covered, having fear that someone will ask and how they would react if I told them the truth or the pathetic "cat" story once again...also it's dented a lot of friendships which don't seem to want to recover which is a shame. And I've lost quite a lot of blood too

Anywho hope that gave you some idea into what I am like

Jason