befreakin'fore

[Decrescendo]

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It won't.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? It will translate what is internal and unexpressable to something physical, and tangible

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? no, but i feel like i deserve it. i feel like the more other people hurt me, the more i want to hurt myself. it makes it easier to handle being hurt by others.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? I don't know. See, this is why someone needs to invent coma in pill form.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? i don't HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? it's all the same

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to die.


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer


* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? Because i don't know WTF I'M DOING WRONG

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? sigh

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I held off from 8 a.m. to 3:36 and I'm losing my control. So I came here as a last ditch effort.

* How do I feel right now? scared, like i want to die and really hurt

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself? Something else.

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? That's the problem - I can't think about tomorrow.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? No apparently not.

* Do I need to hurt myself? If I don't, somebody else PLEASE DO.