Before

NewDawn13 · Post by **NewDawn13** » Sat Jan 26, 2008 10:45 pm

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It really won't change. I'll feel like I've done something about how I'm feeling right now, but it'll be the wrong thing to do -- it won't actually resolve anything.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? It'll give me a reason to feel what I'm feeling. I don't feel happy, but there's no logical reason for feeling like this, but if I SI then I'll have a reason to be upset with myself.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I want to feel happy/normal and I know hurting myself won't do that...it will only make this go on longer.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? A couple hours maybe a little longer -- then I'll be right back where I am.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I could distract myself with the papers I have to work on or something else work related that will get me through the urges, but it's so frustrating because I feel like if I beat it now, it will only come back later.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? I'll feel upset/ashamed and if I don't, I'll feel okay
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I wan an explanation for how I feel. I feel like I'm a failure and I'm just not happy right now, and if I SI, then I will have a reason to be upset.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I don't really know. It's just that I know it will bring me relief in the moment I'm doing it -- I want that sensation/feeling of momentary peace.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Distracting myself with other things and keeping busy with my hands.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I came on to bus and started doing this. I should write in my journal and really just put down all my thoughts.
How do I feel right now? Scared because I feel controlled by my urges and can't fully understand now.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? Relieved...almost peaceful.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? Upset, like stopping is just one more thing I've failed to do.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? I'm not sure...because I can't think of an event/thought that triggered it.
Do I need to hurt myself?

No, but I still want to
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caged bird · Post by **caged bird** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 11:21 pm

i'm glad you decided you didn't need to hurt yourself even if you wanted to.

it can be really frustrating to need a reason to justify your feelings, are there any other things that you think you could do there? perjaps it would be useful to do some exercises on naming your emotions to give them a bit more validation, it doesn't help find a cause, but it can make them feel more real instead of needing SI to make them real.

i can also realte to that feelings of - if i beat it thes time i'm just delaying the inevitable, but each time you beat it it gets a little easier to fight off the urges the next time round, becasue you build confidence in knowing that you can do it.

i hope you're feeling alittle better today xx

NewDawn13 · Post by **NewDawn13** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:58 am

Thanks for the reply and the support...I'm doing better today.

I really like the idea of naming emotions. I write in my journal, but sometimes I feel like it's just extended ranting and not anything constructive. I will definately give that a try next time.

caged bird · Post by **caged bird** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:12 pm

there's a couple of really useful sourcebook posts on it...

http://www.buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=6791

http://www.buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=6769

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