i have. i did right away.
what had happened just before?
i had written down a memory from a flashback. and tried to process it. and it didn'T work. so i cut.
what were you thinking and feeling?
all i could think was PANIC. and that i couldn'T concentrate on economics like this. i was afraid and angry.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
i SIed now because i was alone. and i don't do it when somebody else is here. the last straw was... nothing. i just had the oppurtinity. i shouldn'T have written down that memory when iw as alone.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
before i mdae the decision to cut i thought about my pdoc suggeting that i should go run. well. i decided against that. i thought that i could handle it. but then it built up and up and it just got worse. and i kept thinking about my exam today. and i jsut couldn'T handle it anymore.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
i didn't sleep enoughttoday because i had a flashback last night. so my gf and i stayed up for longer and played cards to get m ymind off the flashbacks.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
i tried watching the gilmore girls which usually works really well. but it was just depressing for me today. because i'm not graduating from college right now, like the main character is. i'm nowhere. it made me feel like a loser. and sad.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
i should have gone running like my pdoc suggested. i should have walked the dogs like i said i would. i should have LEFT the room, gone outside, where it was safer.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
i will think about my pdoc's words. and i will... uhm... put my emergency box into a place wher ei can easily see it next time i feel like this. i'll write down the RUNNING on my coping strategy list.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
it'S not resolved. it will be tonight because i have my exam tonight. in just two hours. then thing swill be a little easier again.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
yes. i won'T be able to concentrate. my thoughts will start racing. my eyes will go "dark" (when i dissociate). and it'll all seem hopeless and bleak.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
go running.
look through my emergency box.
call someone.
What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
i was alone.
Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
it was there. it's there every single day.
What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
i would have pushed it away, tried to focus on something else. would have tried to ignore it.
If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
increased.
What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
being alone. defenitely.
If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
i would feel tense, anxious. urgey. i would maybe have tried to talk to someone if my gf was here for example i might have tried to talk to her about it. but probably not.
Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
yes.
If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
i felt it. i jus tkind a"looked into my head" and saw what was there. recognzied it by bodily symptoms, too.
What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
before i always tried to talk to someone. i should have called someone. like mia, or my gf. i really should have tried at least.
Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
defenitely. talking always helps me.
Why do I think they worked?
talking helps me focus. helps me vocalize my feelings. helps me concentrate on the other'S voice. helps me realize that i'm not alone.
How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
i could call someone. i could not write out memories when i'm alone. i could try to go running to blow off steam and anger and get focused on the present again. *nods* i'll try that next time.
