how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel relief at least for the time being. Won't change the situation. Situation will still be there, but the feelings will subside.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Hurting myself may add some problems with the t... but that's the only thing I can see. It'll take away these persistant feelings... and that's what I'm looking for.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't know what "this" is... If it's the situation... I just want it resolved. I don't want to have to wait and wonder... yet I cannot make tomorrow come by any faster... so I want to numb out in some way.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Does seem like the best option. The relief won't last long, but at least it'll let me go to sleep. If I have to, I can si in the morning too.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
It seems like all the distracting things do is to postpone the inevitable when I feel this strongly about self injuring. I have put it off since yesterday. I've dealt with these feelings for over twenty four hours now. I'm tired of fighting them. The distracting are only temporary as well. The feelings always seem to resurface. What's the use of fighting?
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel bad and guilty if I cut... and I'll dread having to talk to my t on Wednesday. If I am able to do distracting... and succeed until morning.. then I'll just have to deal with them tomorrow morning. They seem to be ever present in this kind of situation.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to hurt myself. I don't know how that is self-protective. Feels counter protective to me. It'll keep me from dealing with the painful emotions by feeling the pain that si gives.
More Before Questions To Answer
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I need to get some sleep. Hurting myself will allow me to settle and sleep. The only other thing I can see to do is take a little more medicine. Not having control and an idea of what to do has put me at a hurting point.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yeah. I have self-injured or distracted. I felt relief with the self-injury and just felt it put things off with the distracting. Sometimes the urges would cease without me having to hurt myself.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've distracted for a whole day and night. I've gotten myself so tired by distracting and distracting and distracting that I was able to go to sleep. I stayed in the bed until the last possible time, and was busy the rest of the day (more distracting). I'm so tired of fighting it. I don't WANT to do anything else. Heck, I'm still trying to figure out why the heck I'm doing these stupid before questions. Guess I don't REALLY want to self-injure. Trying to find a reason not to.
How do I feel right now?
Panicky...scared... angry
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Much calmer
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Relief. Like crap. But I think it's worth it.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can't avoid the stressor... gotta face this work situation with pdoc tomorrow. I don't know how to deal with it better. This is all I seem to know.
Do I need to hurt myself?
I dunno if I NEED to... but I sure as hell WANT to.
