After :/

[xStarBright]

This was during school, so the emotions are a little stale.. But I'm going to disect them anyway.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  I did.
• what had happened just before?
  I had just come from Netball practice.
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  "Damn damn damn damn!" I was... Um... Apprehensive about what was going to happen.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  Definitley the final straw stage. I was so nervous and panicky..
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I woke up late, and got ready in a rush. Because of that, I packed my stuff in the wrong bag. Then most of my friend's were ill, so in dance I was paired with two girls who make fun of me a lot. Miss told me off for not being co-operitive, then rubbed it in my face by saying "Now that's something new, having to tell you off." Then in math's I figured I'd forgotten my Clarinet, triggering the fact I'd forgotten my history homework. I got bad grades in RE, so put my all into netball practice, which meant I accidentaly ran overtime and missed a meeting, now I can't go to the Paris trip.. I felt shaky that I could be so stupid, and scared about the punishment I'm going to get. I picked up my tools and without thinking just harmed..
  If I got ready quicker and not woke up so late I could have stopped /all/ of this and coped with some of the stuff that was going to happen anyway.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I only had 3 - 4 hours sleep, but my sleeping pattern is naturaly bad.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  I just breathed. I didn't think... I never think...
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  Singing to myself.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  I will selotape up my pin and stick a note on it telling me to think, and I can't open it until I have tried stuff.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I will work hard to catch up. I'm still a bit annoyed about it, but to be honest, I'm just going to give the netball match my all. I made the squad, after all. It may not be Paris, but it's one hell of an achievement.
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  Probably, but I will take my time to get ready, even if it means being a bit late.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  1) Sing.
  2) Wear my nice warm scarf.
  3) Sit down & breathe & think it over.