Ok let's give this a go ... Before

[Flying Hippo]

Thanks to the mod who approved my membership.

I've only just in the few weeks decided that I do want to stop, after being a regular self harmer for about five years... so yeah, I'll give this a try I guess:

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I'll probably feel much more relaxed. I might have to go to a&e, and that would be a good distraction, and it would be so nice to be in hospital again. It's been two months. Ok, I don't need to be in hospital. One I'm too old to go back to my old ward, two it wouldn't help, three I don't need it, four I'd be bored, five I've been in hospital too long and too much in my life.

Ok back to the original question. I would feel relaxed, like I'd released something. I would feel less tense and have something to focus on.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Eugh. It would make me feel better. But it would make my Mum feel crap and she's already hurting. It would just be nice though.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to get better, I want to be normal. I want to ge ton with my life. Cutting or burning or whatever, I guess whats a few more scars? My skin is already a lsot cause. But if I go a few years I could get treatment. I want to be normal.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

I dunno. Very temporary. If I did X (minor self harm but doing a particular technique which I don't want to tipshare), it wouldn't scar, it would feel wonderful and it wouldn't be bad but I'll feel bad and I might do it in the wrong place and really hurt myself again. Erm if I did cut badly I'd then get scared and upset and it's already late and I probably wouldn't get back from A&e until midnight.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I could wait another 15 minutes and then go watch that David tennant comedy. Yeah, I couldn't do that if I was in a&e. And I could explore Bus a bit more, I really like bus.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

I'd feel shit, I'd ache, I wouldn't want to go to school, I wouldn't get my homework done, my Mum would be mad, I'd have broken my six days.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Yeah, I want to nurture and look after myself.

Wow! This has really helped!

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

My Dad dying a few weeks ago. My friends being a bit crappy. People on another chatroom bringing me down. Erm, my family being around today. That I just feel useless and worthless and meughy.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

I think I'm here every day. And I do fight it, but it just gets tiring.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I should go join my Mum and play with the cat.

How do I feel right now?

Tense and anxious.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

Released.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

O_o
I could be more positive and do more self talk and discuss it with my keyworker.

Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes, but I won't.

Thank you BUS! This has really helped, you all rock.

[ChaseThisLight]

First of all, you're welcome.

Secondly, from the looks of your post it seems as though answering the Before questions has been helpful for you. I really hope that's the case. I can relate to the feeling that I'm already full of scars, what's one more...but to be honest...who really needs one more scar. It's hard work to avoid SI and find other ways of coping...SI is something that seems like an easy fix, but it's only temporary, and you'll have to deal with the underlying feelings you're experiencing eventually. By filling out the Before questions, that is an initial way of determining what you are feeling and what is causing you to feel that way. That is a big step is learning to cope in other ways that aren't SI.

I hope you are feeling better.

[southsider]

Welcome to BUS and to B&A!

You did some really good work here! I definitely understand that feeling of battling the feeling being tiring. But it DOES pass, and the less often you give in, the easier it gets.

Take care.