Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
I don't know why I feel like this, I need to cut, I feel really SU and cutting is the only coping mechanism I have.
I don't know why this, why now, but I feel like I can't do this
(I go away tomorrow until Sunday. Therefore I wont have access to Bus.
So if I am gone then don't worry, I will be safe.)
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I think it will prevent me getting more SU - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will keep me safer in a way, but not help long-term - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't know, split between happy and dead. Sometimes they feel like the same thing - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I dont know how long, depends if I cut as deep as I feel i need to. after that? cut again i guess - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
the only thing i can think of is attempt SU and that would be detrimental to the situation. Sleep? I havent slept much recently
I dunno - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
if i cut i will be unhappy tomorrow but safer, same with sleep - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i really want to cut
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i dont know why i am here now - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
when i feel this shit i cut or attempt SU, i then still feel shit - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I havent, it is getting worse.
i can try and relax - How do I feel right now?
my head hurts, i feel fragile - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
powerful, safe - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty probably - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i dont know what caused this - Do I need to hurt myself?
yes
no
i dont know
I shall try and call a helpline to support me, before i do anything drastic
Edited to add: I cut last night but not badly. I don't think I have time to fill in an After before I go, sorry
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