before.. si

[SplinteredGirl]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
---i know it wont actualy change how im feeling, im learning that, but its just how i get away from myself

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
---it will let my relax for awhile but when i see the cuts or my bf i will feel guilty and more depressed

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
----in the long run, i want to be proud of myself and i want other to be proud of me, even tho i dont realy talk to anyone about it, but id rather say i hadnt all month then i did yesterday

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
---im not even sure , maybe 10 minutes but i never let myself get to the point where i am totaly relxed and eased from it, cuase if i did i would cut up my whole arm, i know how much i have improved, i dont let myself get to that point and i will NEVER cut everyday ever again... thats how i became addicted to begin with


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
----i could go to my bfs but it will be nearly imposable to tell him how im feeling.. i could call my friend kev but he is isolating himself and wont pick up the phone.. i could read buti wont be able to consentrate. or i could just smoke weed and watch tv.. all in all i will get an urge wen im by myself.. but im not planing on giving in.. should have gooten rid of that last blade)


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
----i will feel guilty about it, and worried about my BF finding out, i will be more down then if i hadnt

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
-----go to my babys :)


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

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