Slipped today.

[Jamas]

* what had happened just before?

I had a talk with my supervisor about why I have trouble getting my work done. She was really trying to help, but I took it too personally.

* what were you thinking and feeling?

That I'll never be good at my job.

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

I needed to calm down before I could get back to work. This was the only way I knew how.

* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

I've stayed up much too late these past few nights, working.

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

Lack of sleep. I need to balance work with sleep.

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

Other than deep breathing, nothing -- this was my first and only resort.

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Maybe gone out and gotten some chocolate ice cream.

* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

Remind myself that cutting at work is a good way to get fired, particularly if the scratches are visible. Maybe put a coded message on my door.

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Hopefully by Friday or Saturday I will be all caught up on my work and can start developing a taskminder system so I don't get so behind again.

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Yes, probably. In the long run, I should leave this job as soon as I can find something better ... like working in a movie theatre.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Chocolate Ice Cream
Deep Breathing
A walk around the block
Pushups and situps in the bathroom

[LBC]

Hi SuZQ

I read elsewhere on bus about how frustrated you are with your job and its expectations of you...it sounds like it's really taking a toll, especially if you feel the need to SI at work.

Is talking to your how hard it is to keep up an option? You're no good to them if you're becoming sleep-deprived and making errors anyway. Is there an Employee Assistance Program at your workplace?

I think that going for a walk is a great idea when things are getting to be too much...it gets you out of the work environment for a bit and gives you a bit of perspective. Can you incorporate this into your routine somehow so that you can take it as a stress-reliever each day, before pressure starts to build up?

[ChaseThisLight]

Hi!

i'm sorry you're having a difficult time dealing with work. I know I tend to be very critical of myself in regards to preformance at work. I've had many times where I have felt like I wanted to SI at work...but I made a "rule" that I wouldn't do it at work. Would something like that perhaps work for you? What I found is that in a situation where I felt like SIing at work, I would tell myself to wait until i was back at home. And usually the stress of being at work had subsided on my drive home and I didn't have the urge anymore...perhaps that's worth a try?

[Jamas]

Thanks for the replies. That verse from Philippians is really great!



Peace to you,

me

[Jamas]

I'm having a hard time right now.

[LBC]

I'm sorry to hear that, SuZQ.

What is your internet access like where you're staying? Are there things you'd like to get out, or get other peoples' input on? The folks on arc might have some ideas, or perhaps you could start a place thread.

I don't know how open you feel to working with urges or getting input on them...but you're always welcome to do that here, too.

There may be people who have been in similar situations, so use bus if it will help. Update up when you can.

Take care.

[Jamas]

Thank you, LBC. I really appreciate your support and hearing from you, even all this time afterward. When you say, "Arc," are you referring to "Down the Long Day's Arc"? And what is a place thread? I'd like to learn to use this forum better.

Thanks again, so much.

Take good care, and be well,

me.