before

[Spidey]

i am struggling through a big urge right now, and i'm trying to be more aware of this urge so i can figure out how to defeat it without hurting myself. advice or comments are more than welcome

<b>* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?</b>

i will feel less angry at myself and more at ease. a lot of my urge right now is stress/anxiety/anger-based.

<b>* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?</b>

i'll feel better. granted it won't last very long afterward, but it will sate the urge. what it will take away is a chance to try to get through this without self-injury, which i'd really like to do even though it's getting harder and harder to do so.

<b>* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?</b>

i'd like to feel less stressed and anxious. i'd really like to feel like i'd made it through a hard time without hurting myself and therefore giving myself the ability to think things through more the next time i have an urge like this.

hurting myself will only get me further away from the situation but damn is it tempting.

<b>* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?</b>

it depends. i usually feel really good for the next couple of hours. i just want a break from my thoughts. -.-

<b>* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?</b>

i could stop procrastinating on some stuff i need to get done, although they have little to do with the situation that's at hand that's causing the stress/anxiety. i could listen to music or play the sims. i could read and post more on the board.

i don't know how to change the situation that's causing me stress and anxiety. right now it is out of my control and it relies on other people keeping up their end of the deal. about how long it will last and what i will do then, i have no idea of length of time that it will last but i do know that after i've run out of these options i can always create more - like watching stuff i've got, or sleeping.

<b>* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?</b>

i do not know.

<b>* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?</b>

holy shit. i want to si. butbutbut i know i can't do it. but it's eating away at my mind and i KNOW i will be better off if i do not si and just listen to music and post and try to ride this out as best i can.

<b>* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?</b>

i am very stressed and very anxious right now. and i am also really mad at myself for being paranoid and stupid. si would be to relieve the feelings and to punish myself for being paranoid and stupid.

i am fed up with myself over the stress/anxiety/paranoia/stupid. that's why i'm at this point.

<b>* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?</b>

yeah. i've si'ed to get through it. i've felt better / worse. i'd like to NOT si to get through it

<b>* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?</b>

i've listened to music, ignored myself, slept. fixed some lunch and did some laundry. but mainly ignored myself and slept.

<b>* How do I feel right now?</b>

anxious, stressed, stupid as hell for posting this

<b>* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?</b>

i don't know, i am usually numb and/or depersonalized when i'm si'ing.

<b>* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?</b>

i will feel better. kind of "high". stronger. more able to deal with things. tomorrow i have absolutely no idea how i'll feel. =/

<b>* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?</b>

i could avoid if i knew why i felt this way. but i don't know so hmm. i'd like to learn how to deal with it better in the future -- that'd be nice but i lack anything in the ideas department which is pretty much why i'm answering the questions =/

<b>* Do I need to hurt myself? </b>

nobody needs to hurt themselves - the question is do i want to? and that answer is mixed.

[balletomane]

Hi Merc.

Sorry things are rough right now.

* How do I feel right now?

anxious, stressed, stupid as hell for posting this

Sorry you feel that way. I'm glad you took the time to answer the questions and post. I hope it was helpful in some small way.

i am very stressed and very anxious right now. and i am also really mad at myself for being paranoid and stupid. si would be to relieve the feelings and to punish myself for being paranoid and stupid.

i am fed up with myself over the stress/anxiety/paranoia/stupid. that's why i'm at this point.

What if instead of trying to punish yourself for feeling anxious, you tried to forgive yourself? Sometimes giving myself permission to feel what I am feeling is a big help. Also recognizing that it is uncomfortable, but it is also temporary.


What specifically do you get out of si? What other activities would provide those same things?

It sounds like you are working really hard to make it through this. I admire that.

[moll_drum]

I hope you managed to get through the urge and that posting here helped. It does sound like you need to accept your anxious feelings before you can work on them. If you feel ok enough to work on some of the things you are procrastinating about, that might help you to feel more accomplished or in control. I know often that is not possible when triggered. Is there something else you could do to gain a physical release? Bite a pillow, exercise, dance?

Don't know if any of that helped. Hope you are feeling better

cat

[Spidey]

What if instead of trying to punish yourself for feeling anxious, you tried to forgive yourself? Sometimes giving myself permission to feel what I am feeling is a big help. Also recognizing that it is uncomfortable, but it is also temporary.


What specifically do you get out of si? What other activities would provide those same things?

It sounds like you are working really hard to make it through this. I admire that.

i get relief out of si. i feel less stressy and anxious when i si. and stress/anxiety are two huge problems with me. i get relief and i feel less like i'm about to jump out of my skin with anxiety and fear and bad feelings.

the only other thing that keeps me feeling relieved is music. music is the world's greatest help to me but i can't walk around with my headphones strapped to my head all the time.

the big problem with anxiety is that i want to fix it nownownownow so the feeling stops. i haven't erally been able to say "hey, it's alright" because my mind is so focused on FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT that i can't burrow to see what's going on. it's annoying -.-

[Smeagol]

Hi merc,

I'm sorry you've been feelnig so rough.

With anxiety, have you ever tried comforting yourself in really basic ways, like curling up with blankets, being warm, performing little rituals? I find that sometimes warming up gets to the very small person in me and reassures them. It's such a fundamental need, and I seem to relax when that one gets filled. Of course if you've got our weather you don't need to be warm, but the general principle is to try and do reassuring things that work on a very primitive level.

I think doing other things that need doing sounds like a great idea. that makes you feel more in control of a situation and gives you lots of achievements to feel proud of.

With regard to the FIXITFIXITFIXIT, have you tried sitting and experiencing it? Sounds like you're despearately trying to run away fromt he anxiety and maybe it would help to sit down and face it. If you can live through it just for five minutes, then you know you can do it for another five, and maybe you can get some distance to look at it. I was thinking that maybe you could do the sitting down and describing physically how you feel thing, then monitoring the thoughts going through your head. All mindfullness stuff. But maybe if you sit with it for five minutes it won't seem so overpowering as when you're running from it. Just a thought. Don't know if that's any help. Maybe i fyou also stream of conscioused into a diary or something then you could also go back and analyse it later when you're not in that panicky state.

As for the particular situation, could you work out contingency plans for if people don't keep mtheir end? Maybe the situation would be less stressful if you have a plan for dealing with the worst case scenario.

Take care.

[syn]

[quote=Mercy Snow]
<b>* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?</b>

i do not know.[/quote]

I think this is the question you really need to find the answer to, and I think you know it, and it makes the trigger null and void. I don't know anyone who feels that great later.

I think you did a great job talking about what you could do instead, the whole post was pretty sound and you understanding yourself except for right here. How have you felt afterwards in the past, is that a good projection of the future?

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful and that the urge is so strong, but hang onto that music, and to the board and remember all the reasons why you DON'T want to do this.