Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!
Sorry, it's long and embarassing, so I made it small. I'm sorry for saying sorry when I know I don't have to.
I'm so scared that when you're gone I'm not going to be able to last. I'm not gonna be as strong, I'm not gonna be able to want to live. I'm gonna hurt myself, but there's nothing either of us can do.
I haven't hurt myself in a week, and I feel happier. Shouldn't I be glad? I don't want to get better. I don't want to be happy. I want to hate myself, I want to be depressed, I want to be able to hurt myself.
I wish I could talk. I wish I could say everything I want to. I also want to be able to hear when I'm trying to talk because that really hurts my conversational "skills".
Please kiss me? I'm too shy to kiss you.
I'm so scared that when you're gone I'm not going to be able to last. I'm not gonna be as strong, I'm not gonna be able to want to live. I'm gonna hurt myself, but there's nothing either of us can do.
I haven't hurt myself in a week, and I feel happier. Shouldn't I be glad? I don't want to get better. I don't want to be happy. I want to hate myself, I want to be depressed, I want to be able to hurt myself.
I wish I could talk. I wish I could say everything I want to. I also want to be able to hear when I'm trying to talk because that really hurts my conversational "skills".
Please kiss me? I'm too shy to kiss you.
- mephistopheles
- cow control
- Posts: 24355
- Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 4:40 pm
- Location: London
I hate what you said to me, I feel worthless, yes I am being stupid but dont expect me to talk and smile after that I cant Im empty inside.
I'm scared it'll come back and I wont know where to stop.
I'm scared it'll come back and I wont know where to stop.
'Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life' Picasso
'IS THERE NO WAY OUT OF THE MIND?' Sylvia Plath
My Poetry
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97459
My Place
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97307
'IS THERE NO WAY OUT OF THE MIND?' Sylvia Plath
My Poetry
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97459
My Place
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97307
- marshmallowfluff
- forum moderator emeritus
- Posts: 16914
- Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:52 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: South Yorkshire, UK Age: 26
- Scatterbrain
- bus conductor
- Posts: 5074
- Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 3:17 am
- Location: Washington state, USA
I need you in my life, but if I tell you why, you will just run away...
I love you so much, and thank you for all you have done for me...
I dont know how to stop it, but I know it gets easier when you are around
I love you so much, and thank you for all you have done for me...
I dont know how to stop it, but I know it gets easier when you are around
"The impossible just takes a little longer."
- HCJ (1/9/25- 2/26/08 )
"That there, that's not me/I go where I please/I walk through walls/I float down the Liffey
I'm not here/This isn't happening"
- "How to Disappear Completely" Radiohead
Place: Want to live and breathe/I want to be part of the human race
PBH: Back to the basics
- HCJ (1/9/25- 2/26/08 )
"That there, that's not me/I go where I please/I walk through walls/I float down the Liffey
I'm not here/This isn't happening"
- "How to Disappear Completely" Radiohead
Place: Want to live and breathe/I want to be part of the human race
PBH: Back to the basics
- rosie605
- creating your space
- Posts: 189
- Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 4:50 am
- Location: Indiana, USA
- Contact:
comments are fine
* I feel gross, disgusting, worthless after sex, but I'm afraid to tell my husband
* sometimes I think I cut just so someone will ask me about it and I can tell them I was abused. I need attention like that.
* I want someone to be a mother to me, even though I'm 23 years old
* I feel gross, disgusting, worthless after sex, but I'm afraid to tell my husband
* sometimes I think I cut just so someone will ask me about it and I can tell them I was abused. I need attention like that.
* I want someone to be a mother to me, even though I'm 23 years old
But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time
No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
"Teaching is the profession that makes all other professions possible."
http://lessonsoflife23.blogspot.com/
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time
No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
"Teaching is the profession that makes all other professions possible."
http://lessonsoflife23.blogspot.com/
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- knows the ropes
- Posts: 4554
- Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2005 5:12 pm
- barnabygirl
- bus addict
- Posts: 2899
- Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:56 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: Nowhere
- Contact:
i wonder if i am either getting really sick or crazy,,
or if im making my self think i am getting sick because of psych lessons
a part of me think i can controll it, but i havent been able to do it yet..
or if im making my self think i am getting sick because of psych lessons
a part of me think i can controll it, but i havent been able to do it yet..
- ComfortablyNumb
- part of the fixtures
- Posts: 2571
- Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2003 1:16 pm
- Location: Wisconsin
*PMs Fine*
* Everyone tells me that I would be such a great mother one day. I'm 19. I shouldn't even be thinking about it, but sometimes when I do, I wonder how could I knowingly give birth to a child. What if they ended up doing this kind of stuff. What kind of mother would I be then, even if I'm no longer doing it, what if they found out, how the hell could I ever expect them to respect me then. Coincidently everyone who says I would be so great at it, are the people who never knew that I cut. Those who do, have very rarely if ever said it. So I think they think the same.
* I think I liked things better when I was still Si-ing religously.
* Everyone tells me that I would be such a great mother one day. I'm 19. I shouldn't even be thinking about it, but sometimes when I do, I wonder how could I knowingly give birth to a child. What if they ended up doing this kind of stuff. What kind of mother would I be then, even if I'm no longer doing it, what if they found out, how the hell could I ever expect them to respect me then. Coincidently everyone who says I would be so great at it, are the people who never knew that I cut. Those who do, have very rarely if ever said it. So I think they think the same.
* I think I liked things better when I was still Si-ing religously.
<center> "You said I remind you of yourself tomorrow."
- Kurt Cobain
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
-Catcher in the Rye
my place </center>
- Kurt Cobain
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
-Catcher in the Rye
my place </center>
- flipflopfetish
- awe-inspiring
- Posts: 6119
- Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:49 am
- Location: People's Republic of Berzerkley
- Contact:
i hate myself
- Place -- please visit me!<br>
Photobucket
"I'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit Irish"~ Rufus Wainwright
art by P!nk Elephant
zombie emily
- Wandering
- town councillor
- Posts: 1373
- Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2003 9:08 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: Highlands of Scotland
- Contact:
(comments fine)
****slight SI trigs***
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- Everyone thinks I'm over SI, but I think I'm going to do it again. And I'm not gonna let them know.
- I still love him so much it hurts. 6 months since I last saw him. And he doesn't know
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***end trigs***
****slight SI trigs***
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- Everyone thinks I'm over SI, but I think I'm going to do it again. And I'm not gonna let them know.
- I still love him so much it hurts. 6 months since I last saw him. And he doesn't know
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***end trigs***
Perhaps one day this too will be pleasant to remember
Visitors welcome!!! : My Place
Visitors welcome!!! : My Place
*PMs/comments ok*
WATCH OUT! There's a bit of SI, SU, SA mentioned...
I will never forgive you for leaving me even though you came back, you hurt me more than I think you realise
I'm scared about starting a family in the future becaue I read somewhere that SIers are something like 44% more likely to die by suicide than anyone else...how can I have kids when I might commit them to a life without a mother...?
I think I might have a BPD but I won't go and find out
I think I have a problem with alcohol
I believe I'm addicted to SI and sometimes I wish I had never stopped
Sometimes when I have sex I want to cry because it reminds me of how he made me feel and I don't want you to remind me of him
WATCH OUT! There's a bit of SI, SU, SA mentioned...
I will never forgive you for leaving me even though you came back, you hurt me more than I think you realise
I'm scared about starting a family in the future becaue I read somewhere that SIers are something like 44% more likely to die by suicide than anyone else...how can I have kids when I might commit them to a life without a mother...?
I think I might have a BPD but I won't go and find out
I think I have a problem with alcohol
I believe I'm addicted to SI and sometimes I wish I had never stopped
Sometimes when I have sex I want to cry because it reminds me of how he made me feel and I don't want you to remind me of him
I miss si-ing sometimes, I want that out of control feeling just once in a while.
Yet at the same time Im scared its all coming back, scared of oding again or feeling that way.
Yet at the same time Im scared its all coming back, scared of oding again or feeling that way.
'Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life' Picasso
'IS THERE NO WAY OUT OF THE MIND?' Sylvia Plath
My Poetry
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97459
My Place
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97307
'IS THERE NO WAY OUT OF THE MIND?' Sylvia Plath
My Poetry
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97459
My Place
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97307
- rustedrabbit
- settling in
- Posts: 109
- Joined: Sun Jun 11, 2006 9:55 pm
- Location: TheOtherSideofTheClouds
- Contact:
**comments and ridicules welcome**the usual assrt. triggering stuff...but still casution
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sometimes i do even tho i know i shouldnt
i wish i had the guts to be what i want to be
im afraid that when i die...ill really be alone
im afraid that someone will learn just how fragile i really am
i hate myself
what if one day it isnt enough??
ive never been in love
im afraid that it really is all in my head,that im just making it up for attention
i shot someone when i was 14
i wanted to kill my stepfather(wait thats not a secret)
im afraid if i was " normal" noone would notice me..
i hit a girl, she hit me first, still im ashamed
im afraid to follow my dreams, what if someone laughs.
ok , thing about being honest with these is you have to see yourself in a new light...i prefer the shadows im alwasy in.cant see as much, then.cpmments and ridicules welcome...
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*
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*
sometimes i do even tho i know i shouldnt
i wish i had the guts to be what i want to be
im afraid that when i die...ill really be alone
im afraid that someone will learn just how fragile i really am
i hate myself
what if one day it isnt enough??
ive never been in love
im afraid that it really is all in my head,that im just making it up for attention
i shot someone when i was 14
i wanted to kill my stepfather(wait thats not a secret)
im afraid if i was " normal" noone would notice me..
i hit a girl, she hit me first, still im ashamed
im afraid to follow my dreams, what if someone laughs.
ok , thing about being honest with these is you have to see yourself in a new light...i prefer the shadows im alwasy in.cant see as much, then.cpmments and ridicules welcome...
"the darkness that had devoured me and made me as it was, would ahve surely made me its slave...except for you...your light shone so brightly on darkness that it could not remain...i was freed and made alive agian becasue you cared...becasue you chose to love me...even tho i no longer knew how to"
- amerylis
- board admin emeritus
- Posts: 6806
- Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2004 5:33 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: UK
Pms fine
I hate the fact that Im scard of so many irrational things the dark, spiders, moths, being alone....
I lose the two people that have held me together through college, i know uni wont stop you getting in touch, but neither of you know how much i rely on you. your help. your friendship.
even though i understand it, i cant cope when S shuts me out. I know why she does. i just need her too much.
I hate the fact that Im scard of so many irrational things the dark, spiders, moths, being alone....
I lose the two people that have held me together through college, i know uni wont stop you getting in touch, but neither of you know how much i rely on you. your help. your friendship.
even though i understand it, i cant cope when S shuts me out. I know why she does. i just need her too much.
~~Panda~~
6000 - 6999 - awe-inspiring
~my Place~ all welcome
To the world you are one person, but to one person you may be the world.
3 years SI free since May 2013
6 years SI free Jan 2007 - Feb 2013 with lapses in March/April 2013
6000 - 6999 - awe-inspiring
~my Place~ all welcome
To the world you are one person, but to one person you may be the world.
3 years SI free since May 2013
6 years SI free Jan 2007 - Feb 2013 with lapses in March/April 2013
- VowsOfSadness
- sock rocker
- Posts: 3975
- Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2004 1:33 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: Pittsburgh, PA AGE:20
- Contact:
I still feel sick when I think about it.
*Challenges welcome*
I always love a
I woke up this morning, I suddenly realized we're all in this together.
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
I always love a
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
- rustedrabbit
- settling in
- Posts: 109
- Joined: Sun Jun 11, 2006 9:55 pm
- Location: TheOtherSideofTheClouds
- Contact:
vowsofsadness....it wont alwasy be like that..........
im afraid its permanent...and i wont be able to overcome it. im already beaten. im jsut fooling myself thinking i can win...:hangs head casue knows its true:................R.R.
"the darkness that had devoured me and made me as it was, would ahve surely made me its slave...except for you...your light shone so brightly on darkness that it could not remain...i was freed and made alive agian becasue you cared...becasue you chose to love me...even tho i no longer knew how to"
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