The ALL NEW *constructive* venting thread

[lily_trying]

i'm useless, a waste, a letdown. i'm disappearing from everyone & everything i care about, so why does it even matter if i self destruct? i can't get past things i should have accepted long ago & it's pathetic. all i can think about is them & the self destructive urges. why am i so weak?!?

[lily_trying]

2nd post --

lily, you are not weak. trying to work things out, trying to fight the urges, even just the act of posting -- all of that shows strength. & you really have been putting a lot of work into trying with these things, i see that.

no matter how hard it is to believe, you are not worthless, a waste, a letdown, or any of those things you're thinking. i understand that it feels like that. but those feelings are not fact. is it possible that some of those beliefs aren't even coming from you, but from people in your past & the things they said? you don't need to believe those things or adopt them as your own.

you matter, even when you can't see that. it's understandable that you haven't been able to move past some things -- i know it would be easier if you had, but it's okay if it takes longer for you than somebody else. that doesn't make you bad.

please keep working on things & fighting the urges & not giving up. distract if you need to, just keep holding on.

[Chaocontrol6]

1st Post :

Why is is that everything I dam well do gives me something to lose?? It's always Catch 22, I start to lose the reason to not SI, because everytime I don't, in consequence I'm losing my temper for no reason with my friends that have no idea what is going on, I can't eat properly, I can't sleep more than 4 or so hours, I have no idea how I'm going to feel at work, hopefully a bit better than now, but I'm just wondering if the problems I get from SI will be better than not SI-ing now. I didn't even want to start meds, but now I have I feel I have sunk even lower, it isn't fair!!! I can't hack this!!!

[Chaocontrol6]

2nd Post:

Well then, if you can't hack this then why are you writing this and trying to help yourself? There has gotta be hope if you are doing this and not running to the toilets eh? You've tried the meds for one day, it might not be all of that which is making you abd, it could just be an "off" day. The eating? So what? You're trying to get through things right now, and as far as I can see it it's not affecting you directly at karate and stuff, so for now just don't worry (even though that is hard to see) You can hack this, just keep hacking here, hack to the music and hack to the computer at home and on tennis matches on the Wii and the bowling and everything else you can find, just please please please please don't hack yourself...

[Licentia Poetica]

1st post: I can't stand my mother, she acts like the child, and even after I told her a lot more that I ever intended to she's still pretending I don't exist. I feel like nobody on this earth can love me because my own mother can't, and I can't either.

[Licentia Poetica]

2nd post: You know she's probably trying to come to terms with the stuff she found out, so she probably needs time. And she's struggling with her own stuff as well. It sucks that she doesn't make time for you, but it is a two way process so maybe it's just a matter of finding something you're both interested in, since you don't really have a lot in common. She kind of loves you, well, she does, but she's not good at showing it and she's had a lot of problems of her own over the years. Your grandmother loves you and your boyfriend loves you, and maybe one day you will too.