Rage in my heart *rant*SI*

[bluefairy]

I cannot believe this!!! My boyfriend (or should I say soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend) told my parents about my SI. How many years have I hidden it from them? He went behind my back and called them! There was absolutely no reason for him to do that! It's not as if anything was worse than it has been before and it's not as if he really even knows what's going on with it (I avoid talking with him about it, although he seems to be obsessed with it). And it's not like I'm not trying to stop. I go to my T every week and he just referred me to a P-Doc to see if meds will help.
So, what made him decide that now, of all times, was the time to tell them? And what made him decide that it was his right to tell them???
So, I got to have a lovely "discussion" about it with them last night when I went to their house for dinner. Completely caught off guard too! Yeah, that was really great. "Why do you feel you need to do this?" "Have you had thoughts of taking your own life?" "Was it something we did?" "You need to open up to someone for once!" Yeah, as if a confrontation around the dinner table after someone went behind my back when I trusted him is really going to make me all of a sudden open up. What a completely ridiculous thought!
I swear, my life becomes more and more surreal everytime I turn around.
Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest and figured that some of you out there probably know how I feel right now.
Sorry for the rant!

<Deep breath>

[bright.eyes]

I would have hated it if someone did that to me *hugs* - if wanted. I understand that you must be really angry at him, cause he really had no right to do that, especially if you're making the effort to recover, seeing your pdoc etc. It must seem really unfair cause if you wanted your parents to know it would be your decision to tell them.. not his. However, i do think it's worth talking to your boyfriend, and ask him why he told them. Maybe he just cares too much? Take care

[Black Dahlia]

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Email /PM me if you'd like xxx

[MoonlightMelody]

I am so sorry that he went behind your back. Sometimes people that we love the most do things that we despise. You have the right to feel hurt and burned. My suggestion is do something to distract you from all of this. (writting, painting, picture taking...whatever is you favorite medicine) This really can help you focus your mind and bring in a breath of fresh air to you heart.
As for the T and P, be careful about what meds they put you on. just an FYI i have been through the T and P game and they are not up to date on what is best for people suffering from SI. Sometimes the meds make it worse. If you need to rant more you can pm me

[eyeris]

wow, I'm so sorry that happened. It seems like it would have been better to let you know first that he was going to do that, then you wouldn't have been caught off guard. One of my friends did a similar thing . . . it was the first time I had done anything to myself, and I had skipped all my classes that day, both meals, and just laid in bed all day, so my friends came by banging on my door to find out what the deal was. So I forgot about my arm, and I had short sleeves on, and that's when the grilling started. . . I tried the excuse that I was scratched by some bushes, but they wouldn't accept it. so I eventually told them, and one of my friends started acting like she had to do something about it (she is quite a bit older, so I don't know if she felt the need to be grown up here or what), said I had two choices, go to the emerg. psych. ward or call my T and tell her (I chose the second choice). So that happened, and so the next day, I had to work, and about two hours before I got off, my friend came by, and she told me she had told one of the head Area Coordinators (boss of RA's at school) who told the head of Residence Life, and they had a meeting about me and decided I was to be taken to the emerg. psych. ward (either the medics would force me there, or I could ride w/ my friends). Sorry that was so long, but I was so scared and mad at them for telling, and ever since then I have been much more restrained with them b/c I don't know what they'll do if I tell them anything else like that. So I guess I just said all that to let you know I've been through something similar (the hospital called my parents and told them what I had done and they freaked out and flew up to school to take me home, it was a huge mess). Hope you are okay, take care,
-e

[bluefairy]

Thanks everyone. I didn't think I was the only one out there that had something like this happen to them. I still haven't spoken to him. I don't know if I will. He called me at work yesterday and I just hung up on him. I know, I know...immature. But, I sure wasn't ready to get into anything with him at all. All of my thoughts are completely jumbled. I feel like everything is different now. All I keep thinking is "Who else knows now?" I have always been so adept at keeping it to myself and now, bam! My world is completely different now. Argh! And, I'm going over there again this weekend for Father's Day...don't wanna, but I have to. Blech!
Considering everything, though, it wasn't horrible. I just hate that anyone knows anything. And, I avoided my parents knowing especially because I just knew they would blame themselves, and that just makes me feel guilty.

Eyeris, I agree that it would have been better had he said something, especially considering that it seems that he told my parents a week or two ago. He went along pretending like he didn't do anything at all. And I am so sorry all of that happened to you!!! It seems like such a big mess!

Moonlight-I am still very unsure and wary of taking any kind of med, but I figure talking to the P-doc can't hurt. I hate taking pills, but I'll at least talk to her.

Brighteyes-thanks so much for the hugs!! They were definitely needed!! Hugs back!!!