Bf wants me to call next time

[Calluna vulgaris]

After discussing an episode I had a few nights ago, where I was particularly unstable and trying/not trying to harm myself, my boyfriend said (as he has numerous times before) that he wants me to call him the next time something like that happens.

And although I complained of being a burden to him yet once again, he told me that he wants to be there for me and help me, and that he feels it's the next best thing to him sitting right beside me and holding me.

Now, it's going to be hard for me to call him, as I hate to be a bother. But I (sort of) want to take him up on this offer. Problem is, I can't help but wonder if he's only saying this because he feels it needs to be said. That is, he's saying what he figures I'd like to hear, but doesn't want me to actually do it.

Does that make sense?

I just don't understand why he'd be up to dealing with me like that. Is it ok for me to phone him if I feel like I need to? Would that be tolerable? Or would it be viewed as an annoyance? Is it ok for me to ask for help, to seek attention?

[darkrose]

It would be fine to call him if you feel that you need to! He cares about you and wants to help you. Let him help you...he'll feel better and so will you!
good luck!

-darkrose

[Laura]

Ah, that phrase "seek attention". It has bad connotations. But seeking attention when you need it in an open and direct way by asking for help is totally the right thing to do. And although it is hard to ask for help - I dunno about you, but when I'm in an SI frame of mind I really don't think I deserve anyone's time - he HAS said it's ok to phone, in fact he is encouraging you to. And after all, he IS your boyfriend - being a bother or an annoyance probably coudn't be further from his mind He loves you, he wants to take care of you when you are distressed. And that in itself will lead to a deeper level of closeness and trust between you, which it sounds as though he wants.

So yes, definitely phone. He wants to help, all you have to do is allow yourself to let him
Good luck.
Laura

[Midnight Tigress]

I have a similar thing I'm fighting with myself over.
My depression and espically my SI have taken a really heavy toll on my best friend. There was a point where I was super-depressed and would scratch 3 times a week for nearly a month, and it really got to her and got her really kidna depressed herself. Ever sence I've been very hesitant to even say if I really feel the need to SI, so I don't even think about calling her and asker her to help me. I don't know if she'd be able to handle it.
idk...

[snowangel_03]

Two words:

Call Him.

I'm going through exactlty the same thing; I'd SH'd myself a couple of times before I told anyone. The first person I told was my (now)best friend. I'd only known them a little while, yet we'd connected so well that I just knew I could trust and tell him.. Since I told him, I've SH'd once, and I told him about it as soon as I could. He has been nothing short of amazing; he's been supportive, and jut the strongest person I've ever encountered in my life; SH'ing can be a big thing to deal with, but he doesn't let it get him down.. Several times I've asked him "Why do you want to know me" " WHy do you want to be friends with me? Look at what I've done"... And yet, he's been there for me, no matter what. Anytime I feel ike SH'ing, I email him and tell him. That in itself makes me feel better, because the person I care about more than anything in this world is there, he's there for me to talk to, to cry to, anything.

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that you boyfriend obviusly loves you, and the one thing he wants is to look after you.

Let him. He wants to be ther for you when you're not feeling on top of the world, and speaking from experience; anyone who cares about you as much as your boyfrind cares you; they will always be there for you, no matter what. You're not a burden to him; it's just that you think you are when you're feeling low. You're not a burden to anybody.

Just call him whenever you feel low; he told you he wants you to do that; and it will make you feel so much better, because you then know that somebody is there to help you who wants you to be happy.

Bit long, sorry..lol.. I ramble a lot

Take care of yourself.

[Calluna vulgaris]

Thanks to all of you... it's hard, but I'm slowly trying to tell myself that it's ok to ask for help when needed...

I asked my very good guy friend about this (leaving out details) and he said the same thing all of you did: Call him. And he reassured me that any time I felt like being an attention-seeker, he would give me his undivided attention.

Once again, thank you all so much.

[TommyBoy]

And although I complained of being a burden to him yet once again, he told me that he wants to be there for me and help me, and that he feels it's the next best thing to him sitting right beside me and holding me.

Now, it's going to be hard for me to call him, as I hate to be a bother. But I (sort of) want to take him up on this offer. Problem is, I can't help but wonder if he's only saying this because he feels it needs to be said. That is, he's saying what he figures I'd like to hear, but doesn't want me to actually do it.

Coming from the "Other Side" (F&F), I have made the same offer. TRUST me, he will feel much worse if your don't call. It isn't a bother. I feel exactly the same way he does, and was very glad when my friend called with her problems. That is an offer that is as hard to make as it is to take up. It sounds like there is distance involved, and that does make it harder. When you really care about someone, and they come to you for help, it is one of the best feelings in the world. It is never considered an "annoyance" or "attention seeking". Personally, I consider it an honor and privalage to have someone that trusts me enough to come to me with problems. Even if there isn't anything I can't do about it, I know that I can at least be a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes that's enough. Good luck and hang in there.

[magebaby]

call him. i have a several friends (including my boyfriend) for whom i'm on call 24/7 because they have depression/panic/general unhappiness issues. they also make it clear that they are on call for me as i have depression and SI issues. i know that it helps me to feel that i'm being useful to them in being available, and i would much rather they phone me, even if they phone at really odd hours of the night or day, than that they hurt themselves. someone who really minded being called wouldn't make the offer in the first place. and he is your boyfriend -- which means he cares aobut your safety and wellbeing. it isn't selfish to ask for what you need from someone who cares about you provided you are prepared to be available for that person in return.

hope this helps. take care.
magebaby

[Euphemia]

tommyboy you givve me hope! i hav someone who keeps telling me to ring them whenever i feel like hurting myself, but i can't do it, i don't feel like i could do that to him and have hime sitting there thinkin "what if i said the wrong thing" i rang him once though because i was worried about him and it did help, so much, i figured I could dit there crying and cut myself and not get the thing sorted out or i could ring him and actually talk to him and maybe it be okay, and it was, so you ring him anytime you feel you need to, you don't even need to mention you're thinking of cutting yourself just talk about anything and you will feel better...i just need to take my own advice too!