Dealing with romantic loneliness

Chocoboko · Post by **Chocoboko** » Thu May 13, 2004 7:59 am

I know that people often don't like it when others complain that they can't "get anyone" but I felt safe posting about it here. I'm not looking for someone to ask me out. I just want to vent my feelings of loneliness. I just want a place I can discuss my feelings.

I deal with a lot of insecurity with girls. I am not afraid of them thinking I am not good-looking enough. Rather, I am afraid of girls thinking I am too much of a social klutz. I also know girls are turned off by insecurity, which is like a self-fulfilling prophecy for me.

I just feel girls would find me a bit of a klutz. I'm 19 and I don't drive yet. I've never had a job either. It's not that I want to live my life being a bum (as I am attending my local community college and working on transfering to an out of state), it's just that I guess I have a bit of social anxiety. I am hoping to get a job this summer and I suppose the only thing I lack is confidence (also my mom wants me to wait a bit to see how my summer class goes when it starts, because it's a really hard class). I am hoping to learn how to drive if that fits in.

But I am just afraid that girls would see me as a klutz who doesn't want to do anything with his life because I still live at home and don't drive or have a job. Plus, I don't know how I would handle a relationship, as calling someone makes me nervous. I also have a hard time knowing what to talk about with people. I really hate being in a party setting because everything moves so fast. You talk to one person on minute and the next minute, you talk to someone else. I never really find any fulfillment in superficial acquaintances.

I suppose I just wrote this to vent. I also want validation for my feelings. I just want people to understand my feelings and not judge, because I feel I got a lot of that for feeling alone. I just want some people I feel safe discussing my feelings of loneliness with.

8akharris · Post by **8akharris** » Thu May 13, 2004 8:48 am

Hi,
Where are you from because it doesn't say? Not that that makes any difference, of course!
I understand where you're coming from because I go to college, but I don't have any friends here so when I have free lessons I have to hang around by myself. Most the time it's ok because I don't mind my own company (plus there is no-one but you to please and no-one can judge you), although sometimes I do get lonely because there is no-one to talk to and share your thoughts, opinions, or feelings with. It is also difficult at times for me to interact with others because I spend so much time alone, that when I am with people I don't know what to say.
Anyway, just wanted you to know that I understand, and say that any time you want to talk I'm here. You don't even have to say anything that makes sense if you don't want to! Just say what you feel, luv Kel x.

anji · Post by **anji** » Fri May 14, 2004 12:03 am

Chocoboko: I wanted to let you know that I've read you post and to tell you that you're not alone in this. I have this enormous problem with interacting with females when it comes to something that could develop into more than a friendship (or with the intention of wanting to go farther). I can only interact with people I've known for several years, I even find it hard to interact with a lot of them nowadays. I'm gonna turn 21 this summer and I still live at home and I also don't have a driverslicense. It's hard not to feel the enormous loneliness, 'cause whatever some may say, it's always there knocking on ones shoulder. I'm not suggesting that people here on BUS says things like that.

I've ranted long enough... Hope I didn't sound to corny or anything, my head is in a mess right now.

Take care, and If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me.

Celany · Post by **Celany** » Fri May 14, 2004 4:10 am

I think that everything you're feeling is valid. all of those things are tough. and having to deal with them all together makes it even tougher.

would it be possible for you to get a driver's liscense? is that something that you'd like to do? that might make you feel good?

I personally hate parties to this day. especially parties at bars. working in fashion, I have a lot of those to go to that are work related. *sigh* watching my coworkers get drunk & make out in a dark room with screamingly loud music just isn't my idea of a good time.

are there any activities or groups that you could get into? at your college, maybe? if there are organiziations that interest you, that might be a good place to socialize in a less threatening environment. little art classes, or pottery clubs, or environmental clubs are things that I've always enjoyed. even if I don't meet anyone, I still learned something interesting. I think that joining something like that might also help your interpersonal skill. I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't hurt to try

Orange Crush · Post by **Orange Crush** » Sun May 23, 2004 9:37 am

Chocoboko wrote:I deal with a lot of insecurity with girls. I am not afraid of them thinking I am not good-looking enough. Rather, I am afraid of girls thinking I am too much of a social klutz. I also know girls are turned off by insecurity, which is like a self-fulfilling prophecy for me.

I know exactly how you're feeling (just replace girls with boys and I could have said that)

You can vent your feelings here, lets be alone together.

saslowend4s · Post by **saslowend4s** » Tue May 25, 2004 2:05 am

I feel pretty much the same way. although in my case it's not i cant talk to people I can just get to attached too quickly. The girl I like now, says she likes me too but has a BF. basicly stupid stuff like that, but the lonelenss part I understand and I feel that way everyday.

Antlion · Post by **Antlion** » Fri May 28, 2004 5:20 pm

I know how you feel Chocoboko.

I'm 22 guy and every interaction I had with a girl has ended terrible. Nothing sadder then a guy telling a girl that he likes her only to be told 'I don't like you in the same way' or other similar such things.

But you must remember Chocoboko that you are still young and that there are lots of other girls on the planet Earth. There is plenty of time to change yourself into something girls would like or to find a girl that will except you for whom you are. (Personaly, I like the latter option.)

As for myself, I've always had blind Hope to fall back on. Hope that somewhere, someday I will finally meet that someone that will except me for whom I am. Someone to hold me, to be held by, someone I can feel safe with...ect ect.

I've lived with Hope in my heart for over 10 years and I have given up a few times. But, in the end, Hope finds someway to grab onto it again.

Try some Hope, Chocoboko.

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Dealing with romantic loneliness

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