I am a phyco

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 2:37 pm

i have no shame and no emotion i have been this way since 10

my cousin is about to die she is one year older than me

since i have no emotion this feeling that i have been getting ( Just starting) causes me to want to do something but since there is nothing for me...I cut my self

and i use a [method/description edited - Laura]

{{ silent scream }} · Post by **{{ silent scream }}** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 4:02 pm

no emotions.

why is this and why do you think it has been this way since you where 10, did something significant happen at this age?

im no therapist but maby you would feel better if you talked about it

kt

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 4:12 pm

hey... i sometimes feel the way you do. it always helps me to write down what i'm thinking. it's easier to see my emotions than to feel them sometimes. and i know cutting can take away the numbness, but only temporarily. after that wears off, something else needs to be done. maybe you could write letters, poems, random nonsense. music can also sometimes help you feel emotions. (or it helps me anyway).

just a few ideas. if you want to talk more, pm me and i'd love to chat.
love + hugs,
tara.

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 4:57 pm

i am bipolar type 2
i was on paxil for 2 years i went manic and lost my memorys of thoughs years...as a result i remember nothing of my 6th 7th grade year of school

but as another result it made me go phycodic (SP?)

and i have never looked back

i was singled out in school and my life made a living hell i was called a demon by the teachers

i had peers called out of class to have meetings about me without me or my parents knowledge

and it all climaxed when i was flung 25 feet by a teacher who didnt want me to fight the star of the basketball team and put in a half nelson all the way to the office

so i had some abuse problems with a school (no not sexual for all you dr phils out there)

{{ silent scream }} · Post by **{{ silent scream }}** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 5:13 pm

wel that sounds liike one messed shool.

u poor bloke/gal.
i dont know what elce to say

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 9:55 pm

i am a guy but yes i am broke

i have a bad spine
bad knees
and bunch of mental disorders

that is my life one living Hell hole and if the fact that i discribed it as as hell hole affends anyone then you havent been where i have been so shove it

Ime · Post by **Ime** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 10:22 pm

It's not likely to offend anyone, and anyway, we tend to be fairly non-judgemental here

Welcome to bus!

Ime

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 10:57 pm

we better stop talking about wether they are judgemental or not
i would hate to be a hijacker

Ime · Post by **Ime** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 11:15 pm

Is it possible to hijack your own thread?

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Sun Apr 11, 2004 6:09 am

True but i like to stay on topic

i cant tell my parents about cutting my self or my docs.
they said if i do i will have to go away....
i am 17...i am too young to go away

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Sun Apr 11, 2004 6:14 am

Do you know what it is like not to have emotions
it is like watching a movie of your life
you have no control over it and the plot twists at its own will

i have had one girl friend...i went crazy on her (Full Manic...if you dont know look it up on google) the last message i got was "Stay the Fuck away from me" + "Fuck you, Fuck Your problems" that was when i decided no-one will ever be with me because i dont want them to go through what she went through.

i was so overcome with anger i nearly destroyed the styering weel on my car. i was screaming so loud that people turned on there lights across the street..
that was and is my last relationship

Proximity · Post by **Proximity** » Sun Apr 11, 2004 7:33 pm

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, ram.
I hope that you find some of the help you're looking for here, it can be a really good place.
I think it's good for us to all talk about these things, better than keeping all that pain inside.
so keep talking ..

prox.

[lost in translation soundtrack]

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Mon Apr 12, 2004 6:58 pm

do you belive in God...?
i dont...not because of external situations (War) but because the fact that he is so full of hate yet he is the enemy of the devil so if you torture a man with boiles to prove the person who you have declared a lier though out the bible...So his follower is caught in the midle of a truth or dare match WTF...

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 11:57 pm

i guess you cant belive in god when you are phyco so it is not suprizing to most that i meet

no ordinary · Post by **no ordinary** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 2:22 am

As long as you don't kill anyone you are just as phycho as the next jack.

Assuming the next jack isn't in an institute.

More and more poeple are athiest. Take a step out of America. The world is fked up.

Welcome to my life.

pinkllama · Post by **pinkllama** » Mon Apr 19, 2004 5:49 pm

(((RAM)))) **rubbs out the self abusing language** you are so much more then any title you may have claimed over your life! Those things-> being bipolar and having a bad back, knees etc are not your identity....nor are you a psycho! Or if you use that as your criteria, lots of ppl here are psycho....nyhooooozl....what you've discribed to me is a part of the cycle...not feeling and depersonalization...SI only proliferates this....honestly... when you *do* spot SI you will start to feel once again. **peace Ram**

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 1:57 am

you know what you are right that isnt me...i have no me

my last and final relationship with a girl named christina ended missrubly because she couldnt take being in my world

she might of killed her self...OK does that sound peachy....NO
she hasnt been in school in 2 weeks and she hasnt cussed me out ok and i dont have the nerve yet to call her house ok after breaking up with me she started slipping into depression but i was too wacked out to help

i might of lost her forever the only person i carred about so i am sorry if this sounds like calling my problems my own self

but when you spend your entire life watching the only people you care about get hurt on a regular basis you start to loose your self

fine yes i am bipolar and i am phyco and if i had my way i would kill every mother fucker who i run into

yes i dream of the day when my life will be over i embrace it openly

i look every day for this pain to go away but it doesnt go away

know that fight club quote ahh "imagine your pain as a ball of energy healing you" well it goes something like that

well my ball is a black hole and it sucks everyone into it so the best policy i can offer is stay away because everyone i get close to go's crazy, flips out, or cant belive what i have become

i dont go by steve because steve died along time ago i have gone as Shinigami ( Japenise God of death) because for me there is no excape no matter how far i go, were i hide it is there to remind me that i am a messed up mother fucker who is nothing more than a cosmic joke

so i am sorry if my apathy is running thin

DEAL

amyfairy · Post by **amyfairy** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 8:20 pm

*Flies in*

I'm sorry things are so crap for you

Do you mind hugs?

Ram · Post by **Ram** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 9:02 pm

it turns out she was just depressed so she skipped a week

she still hates me (for what i am)

but hey you know at least she is alive

thanks Little green ant for the hug

heres one right back at you

**Hugs moitor** says "I am so alone" lol

and to Little green ant

you have to care i mean if you are free good but dont slip back into it

if not for yourself then for me cause i may not know you verry well but everyone here knows me

Damn i hope none of you are stalkers who are looking for people...oh well i am 6'4 i will kick your ass. rotflmao

8akharris · Post by **8akharris** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:01 am

Do you know what? I think everyone who SIs is full of self pity (including myself), and we need to find ways to deal with it. We need to try and get on with our lives. If something bad happens just talk about it with someone you trust, but then think "ok, that part of my life is over now and I need to get on with the rest of it". I know it's hard to do this, but if we all keep trying we will be successful in the end. Don't expect things right away!
Sorry if you think this is a load of crap, but I just felt as if I had to say it and get it off my chest.
Luv to everyone, Kel x.

bus

I am a phyco

I am a phyco

Crazy

actually i am a guy

well we better stop

true

do you know

do you belive

how can you

you know what

yaaaay she isnt dead

psycho

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