Things Left Unsaid *LA*

jenica h. · Post by **jenica h.** » Wed Apr 07, 2004 1:41 am

Christine: Don't try to weasel your way back into my life, pretending you didn't do anything wrong. Just... LEAVE ME ALONE!

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Sun Apr 11, 2004 7:28 pm

d - you are so stupid. why doesn't anything i'm saying get through your pretty little head?

w - i think i love you.

b - go away.

serenity · Post by **serenity** » Mon Apr 12, 2004 7:39 pm

M-im sorry, i lied to you, im sorry. I couldnt tell you why that scar was there. im sorry. Maybe in the future. I dont deserve you, you say i do but i dont. Im not good enough. You deserve better. Thank you for being wonderful.

TiTee · Post by **TiTee** » Tue Apr 13, 2004 9:28 am

j- why isn't enough?? what more could i do? i love you but i'm afraid to say it. i am afraid of scaring you, i am afraid of losing you. i know i scare you enough already. seeing you is the only thing i look forward to in life. you're the only thing that makes me happy. without you, i don't know what i'd have left.

jacidsky · Post by **jacidsky** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 10:28 pm

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i thought it hadnt really affected me, i dont think i deserve to feel this way, to feel so violated to feel so used, to feel this hurt and pain and disgust... i feel like its all fake like ive made it all up. i know it happened but i still feel like it is all my fault or like this type of thing isnt unusual. like this is normal. and it is, what you did to me was normal, does happen, was bought on by me. and its not just the main three... its all of you A,B,A,and J and G its all of you i hate you all. because if it wasnt for you i wouldnt be feeling like this. if it hadnt effected me then i wouldnt be feeling all this pain. but still people like you make it the norm and make me question myself. i always question myself and part of me says yeah.. you deserve to feel hurt and then maybe you can heal but then the other part says.... what are you going on about, this is nothing, your just feling sorry for yourself, then i question, then i search deeper to try to find something that will give me the right to hurt then to heal, something that isnt there. something that never will be there.... but this stuff that hapened and i feel so shitty about and no one cares and no one understands because they all think its funny... you all think its funny you never want to speak about it i cant tell anyone and i keep it inside and its killing me..... even if i told you, youd ask if that was all..... because everyone else is worse off.... because you wouldnt do such a thing... and you did the same to my friend you did the same to her... and shes fine with it..... coz she can except that its normal so why cant i? wont someone just listen to me please..... tell me that i deserve to hurt that its my right..... that what happened was bad, that.. i dont know....... just here me please someone anyone.... this is my cry to the whole fukin world.

Sparrow · Post by **Sparrow** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 11:10 pm

Everytime you scream the cruel, insulting and degrading things to me you take that much more off of me. What will you do when I am all used up?

Oizys · Post by **Oizys** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 11:49 pm

K - God I love you and miss you so much. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to hear you say it will all be okay.

B-H - I tried. I'm sorry. But couldn't you see in my eyes that I was dying? I'm dying. I just don't know how to tell you.

Ardeth · Post by **Ardeth** » Mon Apr 19, 2004 12:40 am

To R - You are my whole life, my everything, I would never have been complete if you hadn't come into my life!!!! But sometimes I wish you would talk about your pain, because it hurts me so much to see you hurting inside but not accepting it and working through it. PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU!!!!!

To my family - Sometimes I hate you all for your hypocritical feelings, for using me like a floor rag sometimes, for not being there for me when I need you most. For not understanding when I tell you how much I hurt inside. For not being sensitive about what you talk about in front of me.

And Mom: I WILL NEVER FUCKING GET OVER IT!!!!!!!! ITS A PART OF MY LIFE NOW AND YOU JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT YOU WEREN'T THERE TO PROTECT ME AND TRY TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT I'M A LITTLE FUCKING FRAGILE AND TIRED OF DOING EVERYTHING FOR YOU!!!!!!

T - STOP CONFUSING ME!!!! I have a boyfriend, I love him more than anything else on earth and you will NEVER change that!!!!

TvS - WHY did you ever come into my life? Why did you set me up for pain?? Why didn't you just leave me alone!!! Now i have to walk around with scars on my soul as much as on my body for the rest of my life because you couldn't keep your sadistic paedophilic lust to yourself! I HATE YOU!!!!

L - I fucking hate you! You re-opened wounds which should've stayed closed. I trusted you and you spat in my face... I HATE YOU!!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 19, 2004 12:38 pm

So fucking what? What does it matter? If I wanted you to know all about what happened with him I'd tell you. How does it matter for us? I was there, I'm not there now, I can't change what he did. End of story.

Sanders · Post by **Sanders** » Tue Apr 20, 2004 12:45 am

J - I love you honey, so fucking much. I'll always be in your heart

A - Wtf is going on, because i don't know..

Go - Right well okay i'm guessing it's over?!

G - I'm here for you..

B - Do you want me back ?!

R - Go fuck yourself, wanker. I don't need you. You just fucked my head up.

DiamondHeart · Post by **DiamondHeart** » Tue Apr 20, 2004 10:02 am

B- I keep fucking things up with you and I feel like all I've been doing lately is freaking out on you and throwing more stuff at you than I should be and I don't know how to fix it and I don't know what to do and I just have no idea what to do next. There's so much stuff that I don't tell you that's going on and I WANT to tell you but it's not easy to and I never know if I SHOULD or not and I end up fighting with myself for hours and part of me is screaming to tell you and the other part is screaming for me not to and rest of me is curled up in a ball and crying. I want to call you right now because I can't sleep and I'm freaked out except I don't because it's three thirty in the morning and I'm scared to... I'm scared I'll make you go away again. And I keep coming back to this, I know, and it's got to be annoying as hell to have to keep reassuring me that you're not, but I don't want you to go.
I'm trying really really really hard to get some middle ground between plastering myself all over you and not speaking to you. I'm beginning to think it doesn't exist. I'm quite convinced that one of these days I'm going to tell you something and it's going to make the earth stop spinning or something.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 20, 2004 2:30 pm

You have to be one of the most irritating people I have EVER met.

You cannot do your job. You cannot do mine. Why are you my line manager? Why do you earn three times my salary and spend your time creating problems for us all?

You lie about what has been said, done, organised, planned, cancelled, decided, changed, produced, recorded, so that you never have to admit to making a mistake, and so that, if possible, you can blame all errors on somebody else. You give no credit to anyone else, ever- if they have done something well, it was something you told them how to do, and of course, they were under your supervision every step of the way.

You are obsessed with your status- I have been working here for four and a half months and on average I think you remind us that you are ‘office manager’ and that you are, for some of us ‘line manager’ at least once a day. If I ever have to hear about the network and computer privileges you have again, I think I will scratch my eardrums until they bleed. You are never happier than when checking up on someone, sneaking around behind their back to hopefully trip them up.

Your personal habits are less of my business I guess but some of them are driving me insane too. You look ridiculous. Stop trying to dress like a 15 year old prostitute. You are in your fifties. The scratching and fiddling and rearranging yourself makes us feel ill. If you can’t leave yourself alone please confine it to when you are alone or at least not within a few inches of someone else. And on that point, will you learn what personal space is and stay out of mine?

I could rant about you all day but you’re not worth it.

bananas · Post by **bananas** » Thu Apr 22, 2004 10:24 am

L. I lvoe you but at the moment I hate you aswell. I am going through a bad patch and the last thign I need is you telling me I'm a failure, telling me I'm doing bugger all with my life....hello I'M ILL, I didn't choose this, it chose me! I don't ocntrol my emotions, which is the problem! and yout think you kwo every thing. I am desperateyl trying to keep thigns form you becasue I kow you ahve your exams to worry about but some of it spills over and I can't hlep that.....I'm sorry. YOu don't know what I'm going through, I can't just "want to get better" cos I'm in too much pain. Ou know monday night I spent hours searchign for wound care advice of various people cos I'd hurt myself so badly and I was panicing, I was terryfied, and all you can do is tell me how much I've let you down. Don't you think I fucking know that? You've lsot your patience, your illness now affects your life so little you can't accept that mine still does, you have such high expectatiosn of me....I"m not superhuman, I'm jsut me, jsut mortal.

J I AM NOT ON HOLIDAY!!!!! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THIS? THIS IS A REAL ILLNESS! IT ISN'T A HOLIDAY I DON'T GET TO DO WHATEVER I WANT COS I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME COPING WITH MY OWN HEAD. If your that worried abotu your ehad then get soem fucking help for the sake of all our sanitys.....I can't help you at all cos you assume you knwo more, you are such an arrogant tosser.

*sigh* that feels better

dreams · Post by **dreams** » Thu Apr 22, 2004 6:02 pm

G - i love you and i know that you say that you don't know if you love me and that it will take a lot of time for you to fall in love again because of how much you were hurt and that u'll only know when something bad happens but don't u understand that this makes me feel like shit. that i'm not worth loving.

enna · Post by **enna** » Sat Apr 24, 2004 9:03 am

Dad:

I've held back from this for years because I've thought it was too petty. But listen up, you utter bastard, because I'm fucking sick of it.

Now, generally I don't much care about you one way or another. I don't see much wrong with this because by your actions you've shown that you feel exactly the same. You've broken every promise, you've missed every show; you've not been there at any of my major life events since I was about six.

Where were you when I was in hospital? Where were you at any of the eight shows I've been in - all of which are within five minutes of your house? Where were you when I decided to be homeschooled? Where were you when I considered college? You're a useless excuse for a father. How can you even dare to say to me, "don't go travelling," or "you have to do English?" You don't have a clue. Frank is a far better father than you could ever be, you useless, self-centred, ignorant, bigoted prick.

If you do go to this show tonight, the only reaction I'm going to have is "up yours". I'm not a grown woman yet but I'm pretty damned close, and I've become the person I am without a finger lifted by me; I hope you see how much you've missed. I'm talented, I'm smart, I'm a good singer, I'm a great actor, and within the next two years I'm going to be training to be a professional actor - and there isn't one fucking bit of that that you can point to and say, "that's because of me." You can't be proud because I did this without any input from you whatsoever. If you turn up, you'll be lucky if you get a fucking smile off of me, you bastard.

I officially disown you. Also, I want to sleep with women, so go ahead and shoot your own daughter if you think gay people should be shot.

lost_little_girl · Post by **lost_little_girl** » Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:25 am

What a great idea. I feel relieved and haven't even typed a word yet.

B- I'm sorry for everything, but there is still love whether you accept or deny it. Even if we should never cross paths again, it's something you should know. I want you to heal, just wish i could do it with you

Jess- stop lying to me, you claim to be a friend and i've bent over backwards to help...when A* was born, I was the only one who stood by your side, now I feel like i don't even know you. Please reach out

Mom- sorry i put you through so much hell. i love you. i just despise him.

Dad- nothing to say to you. your heart is like ice...it has numbed me eternally. Who killed who?

M*- I love ya, but stop watching my every fucking move! i know you care, but i need to breathe and know there is a bit of privacy in my life!

...same for you Bri--

CMB- you c**k-sucking bastard! You are the salt in my wounds and when i said never again will you be graced with my presence i meant it. so go find another young drunk girl to violate, one who won't care about how coked up you get. one who will never see through your lies.

Aron- have fun working at McDonalds the rest of your life.

that was fun...

DiamondHeart · Post by **DiamondHeart** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 9:42 pm

EVERYONE! Just FUCK OFF!
I CAN'T FUCKING GO TO SCHOOL OR DO MY HOMEWORK OR ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES NORMAL HUMAN FUNCTION RIGHT NOW.
JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS IS NOT HELPING!

I DON'T need to be reminded that I'm not eating well, or that I need to pass my core classes, or anything else! I can't do it. Leave me alone. Just go away.

~Diamond~

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 4:02 pm

I am THIS fucking close to losing my temper and I JUST DON'T NEED TODAY

michigansucks · Post by **michigansucks** » Wed Apr 28, 2004 7:04 am

SH, TM and AB: you guys rock I love you all intensely becasue you made my internship that much better.
VE- if I see you in a cross walk I'm going for it bitch.

And sometiems I want to screm at all my co-workers I HATE YOU ALL.

DiamondHeart · Post by **DiamondHeart** » Sat May 01, 2004 4:36 am

J-
Please stop hurting me.

I made many mistakes. I am sorry. I don't know what else to tell you. Why are you doing this?

I am not making up the sexual abuse. No, I can not give you hard evidence that it happened, but in the past four months I have had of therapy, it has become more apparent that something did. Nor am I making up the anorexia- it is not classic anorexia, but an eating disorder nonetheless, and anorexia is the closest word for it. I'm not about to spill my soul into your lap, but you are wrong about those things.

Just let it go already. I don't know what you want for God's sake. Do you want me apologize? It's all I did for weeks. Do you want me to leave you alone? I have been. You're the one who's still stirring all this up. I have said nothing to you in months.

~Diamond~

bus

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