Things Left Unsaid *LA*

[tomwg]

dad: for never being around, yet always being around. you missed and didn't miss. then, when you try really hard, you screw up. you shouldn't have won the bid on me. your pride was in the right place, your money wasted.

mom: at least you saw the mistake first. too bad you couldn't stop dad from wasting the money on me.

mom and dad: my pride is still hurt, and i'm still mad. sad... disapointed that you don't know how to behave at something like that... biding on your own daughter... the person who wanted me and my team, the person who bid on us 3 times? they lost out and you know i'd cook for you anytime you wanted me to. we all lost out. you screwed me, but mostly you screwed my team. and that embaressed me. in front of my team and my collegues. that is what hurt the most.

c: love always. i'm glad you are at work with me now. i know it isn't your idea of a great job. but having you there with me, makes me feel better. thank you thank you thank you.
c and tomwg happy dance at the og

monkey child: did i like it? of course! i'm proud of you baby brother! someday you will be a great flute player in an orchistra somewhere in europe. i'll miss you when you leave in the fall. you will always be the person who i think of as my opposite side. we are the same coin, only different sides and that is why i get you and you get me. even though we are so different.

jer: you are okay. take care of c. you and her are good together.

spork: you touch my work shoes again and i'll beat you within an inch of your life!

mj: sorry. i miss you.

eda: i miss you too. i pray that it is in the cards that we might meet again. maybe... until that day.

ask: you, i miss you the most i think sometimes. i want to find you... where are you? what have you done since 1998 when you graduated college from Hell? if by chance you see this... try to reconize the goddess and remember you are the queen. then answer me. you know it is me. aspen leaf tattoo and all. lani, it's me i have a clove waiting for you and a blue peinus.

jeanne: if you are still out there... love you, need you, miss you.

who else? my mystery man:i know you are out there, i've dreampt you... i can't wait to meet you.

[WickedWitchElphie]

H: YOU'RE HOME AND I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY YOU ARE!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! I LOVE YOU HI HI!!!!!!!!!!

K: I am inhaling your scent as I write this. Why do you have to smell so good? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I love you so much, you're torturing me!!! So oh well, we wont go to homecoming, we'll go to my house and you can sleepover hahahaha, I love you, in a whore-ish way because you did take me home and I AM a whore!!!!

everyone else: i love you!

[WickedWitchElphie]

And if people read this thread, I did write the previous post when I was all happy/sad/weird...so that's why its all sad/happy/stupid inside jokes..haha

[caterpillargirl]

.....

[WickedWitchElphie]

Sweet misery that's what you cause me
And that's what you called me

So baby take all of your fears
And cast them all on me
All I ever wnated was to make you see
That I could be the one to give you
All that you've been searching for
Just hold on, and let me give you more

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away
You must love me

And I'll be there
Through the good times
And the bad
And we'll be there
For each other
'Cause you're the best friends I ever had

Shut up
Don't wanna hear your voice, shut up
I'm sick of all the noise
There's nothing you can say that means a damn thing to me
So shut up

Mother cannot guide you
Now you're on your own
Only me beside you
Still you're not alone
No one is alone
Truly, no one is alone
Sometimes people leave you
Halfway through the wood
Others may decieve you
You decide what's good
You decide alone
But no one is alone

Each bullet has song lyrics after it (the first one has three songs). They're all for/about certain people in my life, and this is how I chose to represent what I want to say to them today.

[natz]

i care about you a lot, maybe too much.
i wish i knew how to tell you but i never will.
please dont you ever dare leave my life.

[Jaded]

please just for once will you put your dirty clothes in the basket not on the floor, please

[theatregeek]

Z-YOUR NOT FAT

A-YOUR NOT FAT

JS-YOUR NOT FAT

J-You rock my world! Im so glad i have you! im so sorry if i trigger/anger you. i love you so much!

C- I was so hurt when i called u to tell u i was going IP and u said u had a crisis you were dealing with and u werent mentally stable to talk to me. i was like umm ok....

L-YOU ROCK SO MUCH!

[DiamondHeart]

B- You wouldn't be so annoying if I didn't care so much about you BEING so annoying.

Stop either running away or hiding. Stop chalking up everything I say to my mental disorders of various and sundry kinds. I overreacted. I was pissed off, hurt, angry, and scared. I didn't smear your name through the mud- Granted, that's what happened, but I needed people with me. I needed to talk to everyone I could. I was losing it. It took everyone I know literally going in shifts for a few DAYS to keep me from doing something stupid. I don't know what else to say about that.
I screwed up. I know that. But stop acting like you're the only one who has a reason to be upset.
You wanna know how I feel about this?
NOT my fault you whipped it out before you knew what you wanted. NOT my fault you moved too fast. NOT my fault that YOU weren't honest with me.
Not YOUR fault that I set you up on a pedestal. Not your fault I didn't take things slower. Not your fault I trusted you with more than you could reasonably handle. Not your fault I freaked and lost it.

It seems like you think I should keep you around. Why?
That is not a mean-spirited remark. Honest question- gimme a reason for staying. I don't walk away from good things, but when they cease to become good things, I tell them not to let the door hit their ass on the way out.

I want this to be okay, dammit. I want to work it out somehow so that we can at least be friends. I want to talk it out until it's alright.
I'm not just going to say, "OK. We can be friends now. *yayhappydancedance*". I want to talk -and I mean talk, not scream, I promise and you can leave the second I start to- about what really happened. Because dammit, you mean a hell of a lot to me, like it or not, and it pisses me off to lose people I love, espicially they've been acting like they don't want to leave.
If you don't want to do that, if you don't want to put up with the hassle, then go, just go. Now. And tell me you are, so I don't have to sit here and twiddle my thumbs waiting for an answer.

~Diamond~

[caterpillargirl]

K.......... i haven't spoken to you in twenty minutes and thats way too long already
i wish you were here.... if i could get a hug from you right now that'd make everything ok.
i miss you so much when you're not around. you make everything worthwhile

[WickedWitchElphie]

H: I love you, and you don't trigger me, I just worry about you. I don't want you back in IP because I love having you around!!! When it's just me and Z who love the cock it gets boring...*laughs*. You're so awesome!!!

K: I don't know what to do, I have this feeling that once everyone else goes, you'll go with them, and if that happened I would die. The only reason I am miraculously living through this is because I am trusting that you are safe. If you aren't, then what am I supposed to do. Seriously. I love you, and I want it to work out between us, and lately I've been getting this funny feeling that it might...

Z: Please don't do this to yourself. Do you wanna end up where J is? Didn't think so. You're not fat, and I don't even think it's possible for you to ever be fat. Just listen to me for once in your life and eat. I love you and I just want you to be safe.

L: I love you hun, I don't know what I'd do without you, but you are amazing!!! You rock muchly!!!

A: I love you babe, but please don't say that you want to lose weight. At our age it's not healthy to lose weight because we're still growing, and you gain weight before you get taller. That could be why you think your tummy has a little extra on it, but you'll probably get taller and need that soon. Just stay safe, okay?

Katy: I love you so much, you are an awesome friend and you're always there when I need you even though you live so far away...you're amazing. I love you muchly.

C: Just stop it. Stop getting all mad at him. He didn't do anything to you. I only side with him when he's right, so basically all of the time. And you overreact. Come on, just get over it.

[WickedWitchElphie]

Where the hell are you?!?!?!?

[sassy koala]

Dude
why the fuck don't you listen to me
it isn't going away
it's not, hey let's sleep and it will be all better in the morning
why aren't you listening????????????????????????

[DiamondHeart]

B:
You had no idea what you go into.
No. I.Dea.

You don't know what it meant,
To tell an anorexic she was pretty.
What it was for a borderline to hear,
That someone would forever be there.
What would happen,
If you kissed a cutter's scars.

Know what I think? I think you freaked out when we had sex because it meant all of a sudden, you had to give just as much as I was giving. And that scared the fucking hell out of you.
And that's okay. I speak from expierence- IT'S MOTHERFUCKING SCARY TO GIVE YOURSELF TO SOMEONE!
But you...
You gave up on me.
You did what you always do, and tried to charm your way out of it, and when you couldn't, you hauled your ass out of there as fast as you could.

Nevermind who you left behind.

You didn't try to fix your mistake. You didn't try to make it better. You just LEFT and you said you WOULDN'T. You said you'd always be there for me, but where are you now? And I KNEW, that's what hurts, I knew you couldn't mean it, but I wanted to believe you could because I wanted it to happen so badly.
You don't know how badly I needed it to be okay. For sex to be something good instead of bad.

You never let me take care of you. Not like you would do for me. I could tell something was wrong (you're about as easy to read as I am, hon) but you never opened up. You just kept yourself distant. I went and threw everything I had down and waited for you to do the same- but you never did. You tried way way way too hard to fix me. And I didn't stop you, because I wanted you to fix it.
B, YOU CAN'T FIX PEOPLE. You just CAN'T. You canNOT do it. I know, I've tried, and STOP TRYING. It doesn't matter even if you do, IT WON'T MEAN YOU'LL BE OKAY. I do the exact same damn thing you do- I go and find someone who needs rescuing and by God I'm going to rescue them. I actually tried to do that a few times with you. First time you told me anything about your dad, I wanted to do what you did for me so many times- pull you close and tell it was okay, that it wasn't your fault, that it wasn't anything you did wrong. But you didn't want me to.
That hurt. Alot. You wouldn't give what I had- you wouldn't let someone else know that maybe you're not as rock-solid as you make out to be.
You've got a mask just like me. You're charming, you're smooth as silk, you can make anyone feel like you're their best friend.
It's all about *that* deep.
Underneath that veneer, you're just as insecure and scared and unsure of yourself as me. You're a selfish little boy who likes that he's popular, that he's good-looking, that he's got girls falling left and right for him. Who thinks that cause he's got so much going for him it makes him just one kickass person.

No one, and I mean no one, will stay so long as it's the mask and not you they fell for. Doesn't happen. Sorry.

I've seen little flashes of who I think is really you. At Dignity, when you held me while I cried, that was you. When you told me you loved me, that was you. When you admitted that you'd been thinking with your dick about dating after we broke up. When you apologized the last time we actually talked.
Either you're the guy I thought you were or not. And I hope so, because the guy who I think you ARE, lemme tell you, SUCKS FUCKING ASS.
He's a guy who doesn't care that someone cut over him.
He's a guy who doesn't care that he promised someone who's been left by everyone that ever meant anything to her he'd never leave, and then did.
He's a guy who'd use a rape victum for sex.
He's a guy who won't take responsibility for his actions.

You get to decide, right now, if that's you or not.

~Diamond~

[Alias Grace]

Z--

If you don't have faith in me to do this, how can I have faith in me?
I need you to work with me, I can't do this without you.

G

[WickedWitchElphie]

K: PLEASE DON'T SING THAT SONG IT BRINGS BACK HORRIBLE MEMORIES OF THINGS I NEVER WANT TO RELIVE...

[vollenda]

M-Why are you constantly letting me down? Why am I an afterthought? Why do I feel like you fit me in when you have nothing better to do? Why won't you be there for me? Just a little. I am not asking for too much. I thought you were my best friend. Is that only when you are hurting? THAT IS CRAP. AND I AM FUCKING TIRED OF IT. YOU ARE A SELFISH BASTARD AND I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE. THE NEXT TIME YOU CALL, I AM NOT GOING TO BE THERE AND YOU CAN JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Then maybe you'll see how it feels to have the rug pulled out from under you.

I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

i love you so much.

YOU ARE KILLING ME!

[WickedWitchElphie]

I can't believe it, you finally want to snuggle and can't come over...I'm so alone without you...I love you baby, no matter what, no matter who you love. I will always love you because you are the best person I've ever known, and you make me want to be better. Hold me? Love me? Only me?

[Guest]

B- I love you. Thank you for being my friend, for giving me times to treasure and times to look forward to. Most of all, thank you for caring and supporting.

L- I miss you, babes. I'm glad Chris is in your life, but I still want to be there. Talk to us.

J- You are the best brother anyone could have, and I love you so much. I wish I could tell you about this, but all I ever wanted to do is protect you.

Mum- Please, please get better. I can't do this much longer. It kills me to see you like this, and it's killing me to try to be your therapy. I love you, but I can't heal you.

Br- Why did you f**k me so badly? What did I do that was so wrong? Whatever it is, I'm sorry. I loved you. I was addicted to you. You've ruined me for anyone else now.

P- I know I need to let you go, but why can't I? Tell me to stop the games. I'm not strong enough to tell myself.

K- I hate you. I don't forgive you. You said your punishment was that you had to live with that- well, live with it. If I could hurt you as much as you hurt us, I would.

[Scarlett]

Julie- thank you. I don't know why you are there for me but you are without fail and I love you. You remind me what Christians should be and I hope someday I can tell you this.