Things Left Unsaid *LA*

piglet · Post by **piglet** » Fri Sep 26, 2003 9:10 pm

You were right...and now I know it. And I'm frightened, but it doesn't change anything...

Scarlett · Post by **Scarlett** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 8:25 am

Kelsey- I love you, I want what's best for you, please tell me if I'm not giving you that. I wish I knew more.

God- please help me. Double please.

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 7:40 pm

1: I'm sorry. I really am. But don't you think that maybe you and me could have something? I want you to be happy, but I wanna be happy, and that just hasn't ever happened at the same time. Let's be happy together. I want you to be okay. I don't want you to be scared and alone...because you're never alone, because I love you and worry about you wayyyy too much. Be happy baby, be strong for me, because I'm trying to be strong for you but when you're sad and I can't fix it I'm so unmotivated. She says it's not my fault, but it is.

2: I trigger you, okay, showing me KILL ME tatooed on to your leg and arm in school isn't triggering me?!?!? Stop telling everyone we don't know how it feels to wanna die or to wanna hurt ourselves, because we do. It's obvious we all know that feeling a little too well. Just get over it, don't pretend we don't know, you know we do, and it hurts us all to think about. No one wants to hurt. But we all do. You (meaning you in this sense and myself at times) just can't comprehend why some people hurt.

3: Thank you sooo much for trying to convince me out of that. I love you so much, and it's not fair, because I feel like we're the only two who care anymore, and he won't respond to me the way that I want him to, and I'm a horrible person. I wanna die when I think about it, I wanna stop hurting everyone, ehh...I love you.

natz · Post by **natz** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 11:13 pm

(just some unsaid words from situations going on right now & things) *shrug*

Kareny: sorry is never a good enough word for you, but what else is left to say? i am sorry for everything, and im even more sorry that you think its all your fault. you cant keep blaming yourself for my actions, its all my own doing not yours. i need you to understand that, i need to be able to talk to you. im sick of you turning away from be when you say you'll listen. your my best friend and always will be so lets start acting as best mates should and forget all this shit that just messes us both up. And quit working 20 hours a week girl! your going to breakdown before me at this rate. im just worried about you thats all.
Caz: thanks for understanding. please stop putting yourself down though, you are an amazing beautiful person and i know your not being fully honest with me but i'll always be here for you if you ever need to talk to someone.
K: keep out of my life and my business, you are NOT a friend of mine and i dont want you causing any more problems for me so just shut the fuck up and get back to your happy little life away from me.
Vick: i miss you so much. i hate the fact we dont see each other anymore and i wish i could let you know that. im afraid to contact you because you've changed and ive changed. i hope your doing ok though missy because next time we do bump into each other in town i want to know youve stopped ok? stay strong.
Ash: i dont miss you anymore, i will always love you and you know it but its been good not seeing you. And what i said still stands. remember that one when you try to sleep at night. hurts doesnt it? next time you decide to ring me dont ask for an apology i'll never be sorry for telling you the truth. maybe you should start accepting that fact by now.

(that made me feel surprisingly better)

Desparate_Friend · Post by **Desparate_Friend** » Sun Sep 28, 2003 4:02 am

1-I'm sorry. I thought we were all helping hun. I feel wicked bad.

2-Great party bump on rump. you rock.

3-Great to finally meet you!!! You were what I pictured except better! Glowsticks and war paint!!!! LOL I have to see you again soon!

4-I love you andwish you knew. Everyone is so stupid not to realize it. Too damn bad I'm a chicken.

5-And you wonder why people hate you

lore · Post by **lore** » Sun Sep 28, 2003 12:33 pm

* i am so sorry. crowding you like that. you didn't want me there, i know it. i made things worse, as usual. i didn't belong. i'm sorry.

* i should have kept it in. it's my fault i'm fat, not yours, i shouldn't have complained. it triggered you...i ruined your birthday honey, i'm so sorry..

* i don't know what that was... but i'm going back to how i was before...which can only hurt a million people. just...ack

* you were right, i shouldn't have moved up to algebra II, you're a teacher, you know those things. i can't do it. i should be in your class but i'm not and you're better than her anyway. *sigh*

* i wish you guys knew, sometimes. it would make things so much easier, i'd be able to walk around in short sleeves and not have to keep things so secret. but you don't know. and you'd never understand.

*i love you!! you remind me of emma, which is kind of weird. were things a bit awkward on the phone? hell, we'd never spoken before it's to be expected. love!! stay strong.

(note: to anyone who is reading this who knows me, even though the point of this is that no one reads it...i know everybody does anyway...then it's a mix of people you know and people you don't know, so don't jump to any conclusions ok? thanks)

Inwë Lessien · Post by **Inwë Lessien** » Sun Sep 28, 2003 12:51 pm

E -- I'm so scared. Help me, i don't know...i don't want to loose you. Talk to me?

S -- You surprised me, and maybe even gained back some respect in my eyes. Thank you for caring enough to sit with me, even though you didn't have to and didn't want to. You're actually semi-decent.

elected_princess · Post by **elected_princess** » Sun Sep 28, 2003 2:15 pm

A- why did u talk back into my life. i had a chance of surviving without you if i had no contact. now ur back and ur coming back here and staying with me......... every feeling is back. i can't hide that i love you anymore. u left and should never of came back. walk away from me.
J- it hurts just to talk to you now.
L- imma gonna miss you when ur gone but i can't help but think that things will be easier.

Scarlett · Post by **Scarlett** » Sun Sep 28, 2003 8:44 pm

Cody- Stop being such a dumbass. You're being a jerk. And a psycho. And if my sister wasn't such a nice person she'd never talk to you again. And if she didn't than I could stop. AHHHHHHH. You make me soooo frustrated and then you say maybe you hate me because I irritate you sometimes. What the FUCK. You're a fourteen year old asshole and I and everyone else don't know why. WHY. I tried to help you a thousand times for a thousand things and you are no good. I just don't know anymore. I don't. You don't know how to get into your emotions and just say stupid things instead. I just don't know.

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Mon Sep 29, 2003 8:09 pm

*Ugh, I love you to death, I'm sorry about what happened but you have to move on, I'm here for you, I love you so freaking much and I just wanna hold you and make everything bad in your life go away...please, give me a chance, you won't regret it. I'll snuggle with you and let you hold me tight, because that's all I really want, and when you say you have no one to have that with I wanna scream, because I'm right here, RIGHT HERE, and you have no idea how beneficial it would be for both of us to hold each other and know neither of us were alone in the world. I just want to tell you that, even though I know you don't read or post here, I just thought you should know. And I get a little comfort posting and knowing that I put my feelings somewhere public, I'm just too much of a wimp to actually tell you how I feel.

*I'm sorry hun, I'm sure I ruined your birthday and that wasn't fair, I want you to be okay more than anything. I love you so much.

*I intruded and you didn't want me there. I wish you would've told me. I could've gone off and left you with everyone else and you would've felt better, I just mde it worse but didn't get that it was my fault in the first place.

*I love you so much...ugh, I have that feeling more now after seeing him in school, and having him lean on my shoulder this morning...I don't get it, I wish you or anyone could help me understand it...I just wanna hold him...

thincrimsonsins · Post by **thincrimsonsins** » Mon Sep 29, 2003 9:43 pm

J: I miss you sooooo much babe, PM me anytime about anything, good luck with K.

Ju: I OWE YOU MY LIFE. I would've died if it wasn't for you, plain and simple.

C: Should've told her, she's worried now.

Mom and Dad: I ALMOST DIED AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA

Scarlett · Post by **Scarlett** » Tue Sep 30, 2003 5:14 am

A- I want to help you but I can't. I just don't know what to say. Tell me what you need. A friend? Someone to listen? AHHHHHH. Frustrated.

angelwithapintglass · Post by **angelwithapintglass** » Tue Sep 30, 2003 9:24 am

M: go away, please. i cant handle this. not now. things were getting perfect. you cant come back into my life now. please. just go away.
i'm doing my best to ignore you. but i feel its futile, anyway.. seen as last time i ignored you, i thought you'd gone away, but look.. you're back again.
.. surprise surprise..
please.. just leave me alone. go away. please.

x

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Tue Sep 30, 2003 7:54 pm

*I can't believe it, don't you see what you make me go through? Don't you? No, of course not, and maybe if I told you, you'd have a little more decency, but I don't know. And never will, 'cause I'll never tell you. So I'm just gonna be miserable and you won't know. Okay? It works for me.

*I love you so much, please, don't hurt yourself at school, I tried the same thing and it's really not a good thing to do...I need you here, we all need you, and please just live to get back into the hospital and get better. I'm here to talk to, and I don't wanna trigger you but tell me if I do, because I would feel so bad if I was the cause of your death.

*I miss you already...you're so awesome, compassionate, and understanding...I need you here. I need him to want to be with me and I need you to help me live through everything he puts me through. Other people try and help but I'd rather go to you for advice on the subject any day. I love you.

*Not bringing the kids up Catholic, not marrying a Catholic guy...it's not a horrible thing. And please don't fight with him about your morals again, because that gets so annoying, just don't even bring it up anymore. We won't touch on it except nights after we go to CCD, especially after the talks, haha those will be fun to talk about. But otherwise, no. We shouldn't mix religion in with school.

*I'm so sorry I triggered you, I really am, don't ask me how I know, it goes through the grapevine. I love you so so much and didn't mean to, I didn't think and I feel so bad, and today when you hugged me I was hoping that meant everything was okay, because you rock my socks, I love you sooooo much and you're an awesome friend!!!

vollenda · Post by **vollenda** » Wed Oct 01, 2003 12:57 am

M - You don't know how hurt I feel. I can't believe I was there for you every minute of every day and you can't do the same for me. I listened to you, picked you up when you were down, and comforted you when you needed to cry.

Why can't you understand that when you don't call me back, don't come over or call when you say you will, or cancel lunch that it hurts or disappoints me. You say not to take it personally, but how can I not take it personally when it is me that you are doing it to. I needed you on Friday night and you went out partying instead. I need you and for you to tell me that you just can't be a good friend right now and you aren't going to change any time soon is like a knife in the gut. How could you do that to your so called best friend? Why won't you try for me? Why do I have to accept that? Why do I have to change? It's so unfair!!!!!!!!!!!!

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Wed Oct 01, 2003 8:02 pm

K: Yeah, H is right. And I know you think I understand, but I don't. I don't understand how you can let her play with your heart like A did, you know better. It's sad to watch but I can't give advice on the topic because of my relationship with you. You won't listen to anyone, H, Z, even when Z said "OH MY GOD HIM AND HER?!?!?! WHAT IS HE ON?!?!?" Everyone thinks you're crazy, that she's not your type, THAT SHE IS SUCH A FLIRT. She just flirts with you and you let her!!! AND YOU BREAK MY FUCKING HEART WHEN YOU DO IT!!! Ugh, why does it even matter, everything you do breaks my heart, I've learned a way to cope with that pain, and you take that away too. I mean, it's not like you really care. I just stress you out so you want me to stop. Well, what can I say, I'm a SIer. Even if our tools get taken away, we find ways around it. And I found a great way. I don't care if you check me, you're stupid enough, you'll only check my arms. There are other places blood can come from. Like my heart, which is bleeding on the inside because you don't give a fuck. Couldn't you just care, for one freaking second? Just one? Just pretend you love me for like, a minute, so I can finally be held and know that you genuinely care? No. You couldn't. That's asking too much of a guy who wouldn't know the perfect girl for him if she smacked him in the face, which I did a few years ago, if you forgot. Yeah. We would just go together too well wouldn't we. Not like either of us will ever know, with my luck.

H: I love you!!! That note was pretty good today, you should mention something to him about not talking about it with you in school. He talked about it with me in spanish, he's like, "You understand I'm here for you", I wanted to say, "Yeah, sure, look at A over there, looks like you'd rather be there for her." He's really upsetting me. And I even gave him my *tool*! Come on now, that was showing some good intentions. Like, the intent to keep my promise. But he doesn't care, so I might as well just stop caring. I'll still care about you though, because you're a good friend and wouldn't ditch me for any guy!!! You are the greatest Hi Hi!!!

C: NO MORE TALKING ABOUT RELIGION. You see how that goes. Everything comes back to religion. Just end the topic before it beings. This applies to K too, but you know he doesn't read the site, so I didn't type it in his paragraph. But anyway, I gave him my *tool*. Not like he's proud of me for handing it over. Made me feel really good to know he doesn't care.

L: I miss you so much!!! You could help me out, but I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you. He's screwing me up and I need your guidance!!!

lore · Post by **lore** » Wed Oct 01, 2003 9:32 pm

- looking at pictures on psyke made me want to cry. i curled up in a little ball and whimpered. i want to call you but i won't, i'm no solace to you that way. you get enough of it as it is. i'm not pretty, i'm not funny, i'm not thin, i'm not what you're looking for, but at least i'm not another pressure on you. how can you not see you occupy my thoughts so much? but no, i'll sit here and let you complain to me when you need to because "i understand". you don't know i still do it, do you? you don't know i just want to die...or have you hold me. you know that i almost did that? i almost swallowed that whole bottle of pills i had with me, that night. i almost just said goodbye, kissed you, and finished once and for all. for some reason i didn't though... i can be so stupid sometimes can't i?

- i wish i could make him see you. you are so awesome, and he completely deserves you. guys can be blind can't they?

- don't leave me. don't. i would go too and yknow what'd happen? probably half the mansfield crowd would be dead that way. it wouldn't look too good on the record would it? i am so sorry i ruined your party.

- are we growing apart? some days you act so stupidly..others you're more condescending than i am. what's with that? and all the other times you're mad at me. what the fuck have i done this time?

- i'm dying and you can't tell.

-STOP INVALIDATING MY FEELINGS!!!! i know you mean well but shut up.

- i don't belong. i know it. just stop feeding me lies.

-

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Wed Oct 01, 2003 9:49 pm

You don't get it do you? There's only one thing you could really do to make me stop. Otherwise, no. I don't want to stop. I'm unmotivated. You think you can by taking it away but I found something better. You don't know.

I want you to know me. I wish that could be something I could let you in on, but for my sake and yours', I can't. If you ever knew, the blood stained bedsheets, endless tears, and unimaginable pain, you would blame yourself. I need to take the blame for what I do. It's just...you can't understand what it's like. You can't understand how hard it is for me to look at you all day every day and just want to cry. I almost kissed you in Drama last week. I just wanted to get some feeling besides pain, but I didn't act on it for many reasons and regretted it later.

I hold my pillow every night and pray that it would just end. I just want to go away, or for you to go away, or for something to happen. It's nothing now, it's down to nothing, and I can't live like this. I can't stop. I love you enough to stop, but you don't love me enough to motivate me into stopping. Like I said, there's really only one thing that can convince me. So in other words, I'll never stop. I'll just be the bane of your exsistance forever.

ShellyT · Post by **ShellyT** » Wed Oct 01, 2003 10:49 pm

*SI*

K-You tell me that you'll be there for me, that you'll never hate me, but yet you get all bitchy about every little thing!!! Is it too much for you to be wrong every once in a while? and if you have a point to prove, why cant you just sit down and talk instead of yelling at me? you know what, why dont you just hit me or something next time you feel like blowing up in my face since im going to do it to myself later anyway, might as well cut down the time waiting and worrying when i can get way for one moment to punish myself for being wrong. you hate me. i know you do. so just stop trying to like me, and leave me alone, let me bleed in peace.

*END TRIGS*

mom-i love you. you'e done so much for me, im so grateful that i have you as a mom. i wouldnt have anyone else.

egg · Post by **egg** » Thu Oct 02, 2003 2:16 pm

Tij: im sorry that there are things i cant tell you, please stop asking me because it just makes it so much more difficult for me. when i say i am doing fine please believe me no matter what it looks like to you. when i say i am not coping just be there. please. you are all i have right now.

Rego: you let this bastard out, and i dont think you realize what you have started in me. but right now i dont care because im too busy just keeping it together to think you are a sick fuck who gets enjoyment out of these things i tell you. you are my devil.

bus

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