Things Left Unsaid *LA*

chasingperfect · Post by **chasingperfect** » Wed Aug 20, 2003 8:11 pm

Marshall: My salvation, what would I be without you? I'm sorry that you must feel every cut, but know that I love you more than I can ever express.

Kit: You'll never understand how confusing it is to hate someone so much, and know at the same time that I'm obligated to love you. You break me a thousand times a day without even knowing it. Why can't I ever live up to your expectations?

Stef: I'm sorry that you're BPD, but we all have our problems. Stop forcing yours on me. For the sake of sanity, stay on your meds!!!! Make up your mind about what you want and do it. Stop screwing with everyone and stop looking for love amongst the dregs of society. You're better than that.

Kels: Sorry for the spit torture, and stay away from the blade. It will suck you in and shred your soul. I know you want to change who you are, but being thin won't stop the pain. That has to come from inside.

Becks: We're going to make it. Thanks for understanding and thanks for being there.

Mer: You know how much the fairy tale sucks. I hope it works out for you, you deserve to be happy.

racewithdeath · Post by **racewithdeath** » Sun Aug 24, 2003 6:27 am

PARENTS- look im sorry. i am trying. im not diseased.

PEOPLE FRM M.H.S.- i cut. i hate you all. your so stuck up in your stupid rich familes that give you whatever the fuck you want. i hope i never have to see any of you ever again. and no i was never "ok" but like i would say anything to you.

PEOPLE AT S.D.- why cant you get that im not lesbian? just because i dont have somthing agaist it like all of you? and i only have one friend? not like any of you would give me the time of day. and not that i want it from you now. i need her more than any of you will ever understand. i cant even begin to tell you how much i dont want to go back to school with all of you. by the way, i cut. oooh not so mean now are you?

H- i love you so much. im sorry that i make life a bit more dificult at school and everything. you changed my life. i mean it. please come home! i need you! i hope we can make it though this year w/o going insane... you'll never know how much you mean to me. your the most important person in the world to me.. i would do anything for you. i love you more than anything. your wonderful.

Ime · Post by **Ime** » Sun Aug 24, 2003 12:09 pm

L, it hurts, and i can't make you see that.

A, You're my friend, i care. I believe that it is not a lie, and i love you

J, Things are changing, i know that. I can deal with that, it's just taking time

N, I wish, i wish.. I don't know. I do know. I just.

Me, get your act together girl.

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Mon Aug 25, 2003 2:27 am

L: Thank you hun, you have no idea how much you help me. You think I've stopped and Im sorry for lieing to you but you're just a kid really. In a way Im glad you found out, you needed someone to talk to about Katie and if you hadn't found out about me you'd have been on your own. I know you are grown up for your age but theres no way Im going to talk to you about this. Just talking to you helps me sometimes. We'll be off around the world in no time gypsy girl

O: I know you want to help. I hear what you're saying and I know it makes sense, but theres so much you dont know. I can't let you in and tell you everything because if I did it would be worse. I don't know if you handle it yet, you've been through a lot of stuff in the last few years, just like me. Please let me in even a little, let me help and maybe I can let you in and tell you the truth for once. You were the only person I missed from school.

S: Please help me get through the first day. Theres no way I can do it without you

N, H, K: Dont ask questions. I barely know you. You're S's friends and you're all nice people but Im not ready yet. When Im ready I'll tell you the truth. Sorry if Im intruding in the group, I dont want to.

Mum: Stop pushing me! Stop talking about the 'barrier'. Yes I wont let you in, yes I keep it all inside. I know I make it hard but every time I let you in even a little you start trying to change me. I might not be happy the way I am but Im not ready to change just to suit all of you.

M, T: I was ready to make an effort. You're family, we used to be close now I can't stand to be in the same room but I was going to try. You seemed to be making an effort but then you changed your minds. Im sorry I can't be perfect like you were and S is but this is the way I am and Im tired of being something Im not to please you. If you can't accept it then thats fine but dont expect me to think of you as family anymore.

pinkllama · Post by **pinkllama** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 6:50 am

D and C: Where are you? you said that you loved me, so where the fuck are you? am I not valuable enough? why? what happened? I hate this! I hate feeling so isolated, and I hate it that I can't reach out...I hate where my life is, I hate this whole thing. God, where are you, you know you are the only one who can fill me! Food will only make me hungry again, and cutting only empty again....where are you? what happened? you said that you would never leave me or forsake me...where are you? is you love so weak? you said that it was more expansive then the oceans, deeper then the seas...I want to see you...I want to know you...I want out of here...into the place where you are, in you there is fullness of joy. Let me in Jesus, let me in!!!!!!!!!!!!! In Jesus name, break the barriers! Roar over me lion of Judah!!!!!!! In Jesus name let my voice break there time and space into the spiritual rhealm, there will be freedom and victory in the lives of those who long for it....father God remember us, draw us! You said that we would never see death if we called on your name, the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth who came in the flash, so by his name I claim life. YOU SAID. YOU SAID. I claim your life, I claim you, your name over my life, your name over my failures, your name over my wounds, my depression, my isolation, my fears...Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!!!!!!!!!! I claim all of the blessings and plans you have contrived for me, all of your love and peace....Lord, lord, Jesus...please come...let me not know this hopeless state...God break throughthis life is so empty without you......Gooooooooooooooood!!!!!!!!!!!

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Fri Aug 29, 2003 9:11 pm

JS-I am so sick of dealing with the damn anorexia. You're skinny, you look disgusting, you look like death. You should be back in the hospital. You have put us all through so much and it's so unfair, listen to your friends for once in your life. YOU'RE NOT FAT. You're in denial and I don't wanna deal with it anymore, I know I sound selfish and hypocritical but I am going through so much emotional stress over this.

HM-I wanna help you but I don't always know how. It's very hard for me to help you after dealing with SI myself, and you know to stop I had to promise the person I love most. It's very difficult to stop or to stay motivated to not do it but I'm here to listen and do whatever I possibly can.

RR-You are a drama queen. I think you are the most horrible person on the planet for what you have put my friends through and for that I can never forgive you. While time may heal all wounds in will certainly not heal this one. Enjoy your life you whiny bitch.

KMP-You mean the world and more to me. You are so so important and I am always there for you, unconditionally. You have helped me and done so much more for me than you even know and for that I will always love you in some way. I know she hurt you, I know, I know the feeling. I hate seeing you sad because I feel helpless, like there's nothing I can do for you, but if you open up a little bit more I can try. I'm trying now, it might not always seem like it but I am. Please please please don't shut me out, just talk to me baby. I love you.

Mom-Why the hell have you been such a bitch to me lately? PMS?

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Fri Aug 29, 2003 11:56 pm

ZB-If I had known any earlier what you went through I would have been a much better friend to you. I feel like we both thought we knew each other and we're just starting to realize we don't. I feel like we've wasted almost four years knowing nothing. I wanna be friends. I wanna have what we thought we had, but obviously never did. I want you to feel like you can talk to me if you need to, because I'm always here for any of my friends.

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 2:54 pm

LW-How can you live so far away, have just met me in May, and still completely understand me? You are an amazing person, I love you so much and I owe so much to you. Don't let other people get you down because you have friends who love you and need you.

CM-Get used to who I am. This is me and I'm not gonna change for you. I think the summer has changed all of us but if we've stayed friends for this long we shouldn't have a problem being friends through high school. I feel like you're trying to get rid of me.

KP-You rock. You are so awesome, and we need to get to work on our rocket.

AD-I'm really proud of you for what you did. Even though he may not see it, your devotion to him as a friend is really amazing and something a lot of people should respect you for. I really do respect you for it because you could've broken his heart in a meaner way.

LN7 · Post by **LN7** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 7:26 pm

M: Get out of my life, ok, I'm an adult, if I want your advice or help I will ask you for it..I wuill trust me enough to let me go!..and for petes sake I'd wish you'd care rather than interfere, we don't have conversations, you just quiz me. It's nomral for me not to want to tell you every details, I am all growed up.

N: come back, I wish you were here so I could talk to you, it's only a few weeks til your back but it seems so long. I want to talk to you, tell you I'm in love, tell you what I've done all summer, listen to you, congratulate you on your exam results, pamper you after your op, make you finger paint in hospital again. I wonder how much I can tell you though, whether you'd just say you understand when really you don't, you think your so wordly but you aren't, your just a kid still.

L: I wanna hug you so much, get you ass back here now, ok, across the atlantices a long way to come for a hug. And I can't go out when you get bak cos it's the night before our first amtch but I'll stay in and you can get drunk...not the same is it. I can't imagine the way your feelign now, I want you to be ok.

S: How dare you do that to her...you know what she wnet through for you and I've spent months telling her that you lvoe her, now it makes me look like a liar AGAIN. couldn't you at least have waited til after your holiday, now she ahs to spend weeks with you.

H: SHUT UP, the world is not ging to end if you are quiet for two minutes, nor am I going to ask you difficult questions,.....I've heard all your stories now, at least twice.

La: I love you.....more than I can tell you, these next few months are going to be hard but I know we can get each other through this, we just need to think of how great we are together and not how crap it is when we're apart. I love you and want to keep you safe...oh yeah, and hang, draw and quarter you dad.

A: get off your lazy arse..actually don't...stay there, you are going to amount to nothing, you will be a parasit feeidn off your paretns for teh rest of your life, should they kick you out or, heaven forbd, die, you will not be able to surviv, you can't vevn clean your own clothes and cook a meal...and whats the msot depresing is your paretns will still be more proud of you than they are of your sister and she works so hard and deserves everyting she gets, yet they never say tehy are proud of her.\

thats better

raven · Post by **raven** » Sun Aug 31, 2003 2:25 am

mom - i love you. so damn much. too damn much, maybe. but i hate to see you hurting like this. and i wish i could take the pain away. but sometimes i hate you for not seeing my pain. for not taking care of me.

dad - i love you too. i think. sometimes it's hard. i wish sometimes that you were perfect. or at least tried to be, and didn't just try to look it. i feel alone becuase of you. but i love you still... always

bro - *sigh* what to say? i could say that you hurt me, and it wasn't what you did, it was what you didn't do. just five feet away from you i sat in my room, crying myself to sleep, cutting away the pain, and you... never saw it. i was going to tell you once, but you ignored me. would it really be that much trouble just to look at me without scorn in your eyes and to really care about me, to ask me how i was? that one phone call was a fluke. you only called because C told you to. but i love you... in a way i wish i could erase. i need you, in a way i wish i could erase.

my friends - thank you. there's nothing else to say. thank you.

theatregeek · Post by **theatregeek** » Sun Aug 31, 2003 2:30 am

#1-Wtf!?!?!?! why cant u see what i am CLEARLY displaying...I WANNA DIE...GET IT?!?!? WHAT...DO U WANT ME TO DIE ALSO!?!?!? WELL FINE I WILL THEN, JESUS CHRIST WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!? DONT U SEE THE TEARS I AM CLEARY CRYING? CANT U SEE IT? WHY NOT?!?!?!!?!? I'LL DO IT, YOU KNOW I WILL SO WHY DONT U FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?!?!?!?! JESUS!

#2-hang in there for me! you know i love you and we will get through this together, i wil see u soon i hope and im happy u are finally 15!!! (heh im next!)

#3-Thanks for helping last night when i cut....u were great...i hope u guys can stay longer.

#4-:-D

theatregeek · Post by **theatregeek** » Sun Aug 31, 2003 4:44 am

Ad-Im so sorry i got u stuck in this world of cutting. IT IS ALL MY FUCKING FAULT. I DESEARVE TO BE DEAD BECUZ OF THIS,. I REALLY WANNA DIE BECUZ OF WHAT I GOT U STUCK ON. AHHHH IM SORRY *CRIES* I AM SO FUCKING SORRY, I LOVE YOU LOTS AND IM SO SORRY...

racewithdeath · Post by **racewithdeath** » Sun Aug 31, 2003 6:14 am

mfm- i dont know what your tryin to pull... bein all nice to me and all.... im not gonna forget what you did to me. but i am sry for being such a bitch.

sg- i DO NOT want to go through another year with you. i really hate you. FUCK YOU!

ja- why wont you talk to me? you were always there last year...but its just not the same

ka- i know that you see the cuts and everything and that you know where they came from... if you wanna ask just fucking do it.

hf- what can i say? imma jerk, im sry. i love you more than anything. i wish i could be better for you, i wish i could connet what im feeling with my mouth instead of my blood. im sry for being such a pain. you must understand that i am trying. i always thought that you would care about me when no one else would, but sometimes im not so sure. i really need you. i dont know if i can make it through this year.

bd- stop fucking calling me. i dont want to talk to you. you drive me nuts.

gr- L E A V E M E A L O N E

parents- stop asking if im ok! im obviously not! i never am!!!!!!!

self- get over it. your life isnt bad. you need to die. stop making every thing harder for her. stop complaing!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE!

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Sun Aug 31, 2003 2:26 pm

AD-If you're mad at me because you're refrenced in my poetry, tough. That's MY work that I worked really hard on and put my feelings into, and you've only rejected it because it shows you as the bad guy. I wrote these things when I was bitter, if you REALLY wanna know, I would SI then write. Yeah I know, I'm probably ruining your life with old poetry and feelings that I can't change, but it shouldn't matter anymore. He's actually seen most of my work and he didn't have a problem with it, so just leave me alone. If you don't like it, don't flip out and call me immature. None of that poetry is new, it's all old, so just get over it.

racewithdeath · Post by **racewithdeath** » Sun Aug 31, 2003 9:57 pm

hf- do you really care about me anymore? i fucking love you dude! why dont you get that all i want is to be better for you! theres so much i wanted (needed) to tell you today. but i couldnt. because i dont think you care. i dont even know. i always thought you'd be there when no one else was, that you cared when no one did. i love you more than anything. and when i cant go to you... where can i go? wait. i know

ill cut.
i know i shouldnt expect someone to care about me that much. im so sorry. i thought you were there. but why cant i tell you anything with out feeling like crap about it! i cant even tell you this for that reason. i love you and thats not gonna change. im an idiot.

lostghostgirl · Post by **lostghostgirl** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 5:07 am

A---- gee, THANKS. cutting me off from more of my support system REALLY helps. wow, dont know what i'd do without ya. bitch.

B--- you know what, some days i think youre full of shit. thanks for nothing. have a nice life.

S--- please don't ever leave me again, please

i'm so afraid when you go away.

WickedWitchElphie · Post by **WickedWitchElphie** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 3:28 pm

HM-You KNOW what I'm going through, but I'm doing it for attention, and you're not. Why can't I crumble? How long am I supposed to stay strong? And why? Why don't you stop pretending you know all about my life because you've been assuming very wrong about what's going on. I can't even use BUS to help me because you just flip out.

lore · Post by **lore** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 4:40 pm

1 - please stop with this. i have taken the wrong road. you're better how you are, stop complaining. you'd cry too if you looked like me. be worthy of what you have. but i still love you and i guess i don't blame you.

2- you rock, but you being here makes things hard. i'm sorry.

3- can't you see that i love you? and yet you're becoming more annoying and less understanding every day. yknow what? just screw it. go be with him, i don't give a fuck. just don't tell me about it. i don't want to hear it.

4- don't despair.

5- i love you more than you know. you're pretty much the only person who understands me. thanks for listening and showing that you really care. you've grown up so much this summer.

6- talking on the phone is so weird. half the time we're laughing hysterically and half the time there's silence. have i done something wrong? or is that just how you are?

7- you left and came back. i'm just being obnoxious and depressing, but how blind can you be?

...sigh

Ysilne · Post by **Ysilne** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 5:00 pm

A - I've wondered for a long time if I loved you or hated you... I think I really hate you, and I won't ever be able to forgive you.
And you've only made it worse.
I don't understand, you are an hypocrite. You refuse to hear about any issue I could have and do everything you can not to see me, then you just act nice for one second, like you cared and didn't know...
And yes, I've been sexually abused at age 10, and no, you have no right to compare it to having a nose you don't like. And please, leave us alone when we're comming to see your sister and not you.

theatregeek · Post by **theatregeek** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 5:04 pm

Lw-Hunny i love you so much, i know just how u feel abut BUS, and we will find a way around this together.

Js-Dont try to fix ppl, u wont be able to (got ur email)

Jk-Oy thatz all i can say oy, u cant fix people no1 can, and i dont need u, no matter how hard u want to believe it, i dont.

Rr-HAHA im not busy, i just hate u. leave me alone!

Rc-Hmmmmmmmmmmm hehe hmmmmmmmmmmm maybe maybe.....

Dc-U ass, u should have said yes!

Aa-Im so glad we finally saw eachother! IF everyone around u desearts u, i will always be here!

Ad-Oy, im sorry, im so sorry.

Zb-Dont worry. I hope ur life gets better. I love you, things will be ok.

Dl-BEST FRIEND!! haha, and im never gonna tell u bout llama style, u dont need to know haha

Dy-Aa likes u hehehe, u 2 should go out!

Kc-omg hunny i love you so much. Thanks for being there when i needed u last night.

Ky-Oy we will be friends forever!

Nl+Hl-Haha! u guys rock, i hope i see u soon!

Cm-Thank you so much for what u did! i was so glad u called and made me feel better!

Mom-STOP READING MY POSTS!

dad-Go ahead. call the cops on me, i dare you.

Km-Oy

bus

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