Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation won't change. The feeling might go away for a while - not sure any longer if it would or if si'ing will no longer lead to that. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It brings about disappointment in myself and takes away a sense that I have grown from where I was before. It opens the door to allowing myself to give in again and avoid connecting to the responsibility I have to make a decision about whether or not to si. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel that I can manage to get through these situations in a way that leaves me feeling that I am okay with the decisions I made. If I end up giving into si urges then it means that I am not okay with something I done. If I am not okay with it then I need to look at why and determine what I want to do differently in the situation so I don't end up feeling that I want to si. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Not sure it really seems like the best option..just right now sort of feeling like perhaps the one that will work. I know that it doesn't..not really. Plus I don't want to give into urges after not having gone that route for as long as I have now. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm currently distracting with various things. I am attempting to determine what it is that is really bothering me so that I can address the problem. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Disappointed if I do. If I don't then until I figure out what it is that is bothering me and how I want to address it or why I don't want to address it I am likely going to continue to feel this way for a bit yet. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Good question and if I knew the answer to that I probably wouldn't be trying to figure out why I want to si in the first place.
