Secrets Thread - Read first post!

[meadow14]

My inner voice has gone from saying hurt yourself to kill yourself.

[Descent]

I want to kill myself. I feel like my brain is plagued. I have good things going for me and I know it, I really do, but no matter how happy I am, no matter how good the conditions of my life are, I have the urge to end my life. Because when things get good that means I might lose what's making it good, and then I'll be miserable. It's like when I lose some weight, I get stressed out about it because then I know I have to KEEP it off, and that's the hard part. Life is so dry and boring. And I know that if I owned a gun, I would have ended my life YEARS ago. It's just that there's no other easy way to commit suicide.

[stripysocks4christ]

i dont know what to do...

[Just Pomegranates]

Lately I've been kind of avoiding the other forum I hang out on a lot.

[angelafree]

i have a very big secret. i told one person on this board which ended the converstaion, perhaps unintentionally.

*deleted*


no i can't

[innerpain]

This not easy for me.. But here goes I lie about SA, It did happen, but it lasted alot longer then I tell people. It started at age 8 and it lasted until I was 18. This has brought me much distress. I never have told anyone the truth about how long it lasted because I was ashamed and afraid, much as I am now. I feel like I should have done something or said something. I am worried people will think because i was considered an adult when it ended, that it was consenceal. The truth is at 18 because of what happened I was not an adult I was still a scared child...Well there it is out in the open. I thought i would feel better but I don't please no negitve repleys..

[angelafree]

you're not alone on that one, but by the time you get older the damage has been done. society is judgmental and doesn't understand that cos you were a certain age it should have stopped. it was way too late then for you to stop it.
i'm sorry this causes you so much grief, i know others like you who feel the same way. you're not alone on this one

[zyn]

I feel like a child so much of the time, that same scared little girl who was sexually abused for years. I just wish she'd grow up.

[Kaleb]

I'm done ... I'm totally finished where you are concerned ... You'll never hear from me again.

[a7xcncangel]

I can't stop thinking about cutting right now.
I'm ashamed of how much money I've spent on weed this school year.
I already tried 2 different coping skills to avoid SIing and the urge is still here and very strong.
I'm weening off my antidepressants and I think that's a horrible idea for me right now.
I have no fucking clue why I can't be honest with my parents. They think I'm happy
Sometimes I wonder if I'll live to see my 21st birthday.
I still have no motivation to do any schoolwork and have no fucking clue what I'm doing with myself here in college.
I'm really anxious right now. If I can't get a fucking grip, I'm scared this will escalate to a panic attack.
I should reach out to someone irl right now but I'm too fucking scared.
I'm failing one of my classes that's required for my major.
I have no motivation to improve that grade.
I shed a couple tears a few minutes ago and now I feel like I can't cry anymore (but I really want to)
I'm not okay in any way, shape, or form right now and I've been lying my ass off to everyone that's asked lately.
I'm not reaching out to any of my Christian friends right now because I'm not in the mood for God or religion or Bible verses.
I feel like I'm the definition of a hypocrite.
I really want to text my (ex?) dealer to buy me alcohol right now but I know that's a horrid idea.
I feel absolutely hopeless right now.

[angelafree]

i still can't tell my secret, not even here but it's getting to a point where i'm going to have to confront it.

[stripysocks4christ]

im finding myself thinking more and more about SI again... i know i cant go back there, i know that i wouldnt be able to get back out again.. i know that its not as appealing as my head thinks it will be.. but the urges are still there, and i dont know how to cope with them.. im trying to just ignore it, but its not working, and sooner or later im going to have to confront it..

[xPeggiePatchx]

Sometimes he scares me.

[angelafree]

my secret is starting to cause me daily anxiety and my mind is going crazy thinking of ways to post pone it

[marshmallowfluff]

I told them I'd be ready for discharge next week, but I'm not sure I will be. I can't bear to think about the next hour, let alone the next day or week or month. But I don't want to use this bed when someone probably needs it more than I do.

[Selene]

i dont know what['s wrong wiith me anymore

[blueberry]

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME- YOU KNEW I UNDERSTOOD THAT I UNDERSTOOD HOW MUCH THIS SHOW MEANT TO YOU AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME, YOU FUCKING KNEW THAT SHIT WAS JUST FOR HOME, YOU SAID SO AFTER YOU CONVINCED ME TO BUY IT, YOU TOLD ME IT WAS FOR THE SHOW, YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

[zyn]

I miss you.

[RG]

I thought I was over this...

[Just Pomegranates]

I really hate this puppy and you for being so close minded and having to get it. I know part of the reason my wrists have been a lot worse lately is because of that stupid dog and I told you repeatedly not to do it but you had to have your baby and did it anyway.