i've finally figured out what i need but i'm never going to get it. i need to be held and touched by the person i'm in love with. too bad he lives three states away.
i-i was wrong to tell you those things and now i don't know what to do. i've done more ridiculousness these past couple weeks with you than i have all year. i don't know my own mind anymore.
Things Left Unsaid *LA*
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ForgottenMemories
- settling in
- Posts: 86
- Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 6:38 am
- Gender: girly parts for me
- Location: rainy west coast
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
You can have peace or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.
There's a drive in me that won't allow me to do certain things that are easy.
This was freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
I just don't want to die without a few scars.
One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.
War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
You've got to burn me. Make me bleed. Turn my pain into fantasy. And if I scream it's only just, love can hurt much more than lust.
There's a drive in me that won't allow me to do certain things that are easy.
This was freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
I just don't want to die without a few scars.
One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.
War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
You've got to burn me. Make me bleed. Turn my pain into fantasy. And if I scream it's only just, love can hurt much more than lust.
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Eisa
- driving instructor
- Posts: 5706
- Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2008 2:23 pm
- Gender: Genderfluid
- Location: Virginia
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
I'm sorry, but you're making me feel terribly broken and scared, and I don't like the feeling at all. 
I really am trying my best, but it's starting to feel like my best isn't good enough, and you expect a lot more. And if I don't give that much more, you think I'm not trying. 
I don't know how else to convince you that I'm trying my hardest and that these things take time...and that I have a lot more going wrong than I think even you know. 
I really am trying my best, but it's starting to feel like my best isn't good enough, and you expect a lot more. And if I don't give that much more, you think I'm not trying. I don't know how else to convince you that I'm trying my hardest and that these things take time...and that I have a lot more going wrong than I think even you know. We come in pieces. 
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process, he does not become a monster. And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."~Nietzsche
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
My Place
My PBH
BUS family:
Twin~Beasty
Elf Sib~Sprink
Fairy Mummy~Starry
Younger Sissy~Kate
Big Bruvver~Dan
Half-Sissy~Annabel
Cousin~Peggie
Aunt~Mande
Sprinkled Cupcake~Noldo
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process, he does not become a monster. And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."~Nietzsche
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
My Place
My PBH
BUS family:
Twin~Beasty
Elf Sib~Sprink
Fairy Mummy~Starry
Younger Sissy~Kate
Big Bruvver~Dan
Half-Sissy~Annabel
Cousin~Peggie
Aunt~Mande
Sprinkled Cupcake~Noldo
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a7xcncangel
- bus conductor
- Posts: 5045
- Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 9:30 pm
- Gender: male
- Location: Michigan
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
A: I wish you didn't bitch me out like that. You hurt me, but I'm not going to let your words make me slip up or bring me down. Honestly, I just feel sorry for you that you're so full of hate and are still doing shitty. I really don't give a shit about you, and wish you could practice some self control and stop talking to me and trying to put me down. It just shows how immature you are and that you haven't changed or grown a bit since I last saw you. So fuck you.
Mum: ReineDuSommeil
Sister: waydownsouth, nomad2207, noldo
Brother: sirjnj
Daughter: Azira
Cousin: DuchessN, jadestarwalking
Aunt: Cheycatsgarden
Sister: waydownsouth, nomad2207, noldo
Brother: sirjnj
Daughter: Azira
Cousin: DuchessN, jadestarwalking
Aunt: Cheycatsgarden
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Descent
- creating your space
- Posts: 191
- Joined: Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:01 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: United States
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
P: You have no idea how much you hurt me that night. Not only was I fighting the urge to SI, but I was seriously considering suicide to relieve myself from the stress that you caused me. I want things to be okay between us, but I don't think we'll ever have a good friendship. I just want to end things, but I don't know how to live without you.
A: Why aren't you ever there for me anymore? Do you even care? Do I even matter to you? I miss when I could go to you about anything, but after you betrayed me, I feel like I can't trust you. And I had trust issues to begin with. Now I don't have anyone to talk to. I miss you.. But things will never be the same.
J: I love you and you're my best friend, but I don't know if I can ever open up to you the same way I did with P and A. I don't feel like I can trust anybody anymore. I'm so scared of what people are capable of. I'm sorry.. You don't deserve to have a mess like me as a best friend. You should get close to someone who's better for you..♥ "Don't follow your dreams; chase them." ♥
♥ "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ♥
♥ "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." ♥
-->*My Place* *My PBH*<--
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strider 151
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3422
- Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:47 pm
- Gender: female
- Location: my mind
- Contact:
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
how dare you say all of that to me and then have the nerve to ask me how i am!!!!??!!?! well how do un think i am???? why should i put my trust in anyone because as soon as i do they throw it back in my face
but i think deep down i enjoy the pain u bring me
but i think deep down i enjoy the pain u bring me
PBH, Telling my parents, My place - All welcome [hugs, stars, challenges, questions are all ok 
In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.
[Working Towards Recovery]
*I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*
In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.
[Working Towards Recovery] *I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*
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Licentia Poetica
- forum moderator emeritus
- Posts: 24935
- Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2003 10:06 am
- Gender: Female
- Location: Australia
- Contact:
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
Just don't leave me. Please. I want you. I just want you. That's all I want or need in this life. I'm terrified I will lose you if I relapse.
the time to tell a person you care is now the paper crane chain of hope 
If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins
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stripysocks4christ
- awe-inspiring
- Posts: 6605
- Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 6:45 pm
- Gender: female :)
- Location: inside my head
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
JS - i knew this would happen. i knew that if i showed you then you would just give up on me. im trying to see things from your perspective. but i kinda knew this would happen eventually. it was my fault for believing anything else...
"Good friends lift you up when your wings forget to fly"
"Let Go and Let God"
"God will never let us fall without a plan on how to save us"
"For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" – Philippians 4:13
"I only lied so I didn't have to see the tears of disappointment in your eyes"
"I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..."
xx Kitti xx
my place
my poems
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desperateforgrace
- forum moderator - spirit
- Posts: 5874
- Joined: Thu Feb 24, 2011 1:31 am
- Gender: female
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
I don't know if I can trust guys in your position of trust anymore. Two of them already hurt me emotionally, and I don't want to get hurt anymore. I am really scared of having you in my life knowing that you will probably be there for a REALLY long time if I decide to stay where I am right now. And if I am distant , it is because I am. But it is not your fault, it is that I need to be sure I will never get hurt by you. Because if you did and you found out about me (i.e...my bad habits and all), you would surely reject me and my spirit would die forever.
By day I wear a mask of happiness and openness
By night, I cry a flood of tears
Wanting so much to show my real face
And be enshrouded in grace
"You are not told to build a skyscraper. You are told to be faithful with your brick."-FT
"You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held /Your world's not falling apart; it's falling into place."-Casting Crowns' "Just Be Held"
Rose and Paws are my sisters
My new place
My OLD place
my PBH
My poetry
By night, I cry a flood of tears
Wanting so much to show my real face
And be enshrouded in grace
"You are not told to build a skyscraper. You are told to be faithful with your brick."-FT
"You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held /Your world's not falling apart; it's falling into place."-Casting Crowns' "Just Be Held"
Rose and Paws are my sisters
My new place
My OLD place
my PBH
My poetry
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capricorn
- awe-inspiring
- Posts: 6410
- Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2010 10:21 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: London, UK
- Contact:
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
Oh my fucking God, why are you such a twat?
How can you just sit there and ... think you're so cool and liberal and that you're all ~gay rights~ and with it and what the fuck ever, and throw around the word faggot like it's nothing? You are so fucking offensive. You just ... wind me up so much. I'm sick of all of you.
And what the hell are you talking about? Jesus. Learn to recognise a joke when you see one.
And you ... I hope one day the world realises how ridiculous and spoilt you are. Actually, no, the WORLD realises that. I hope one day you'll wake up and SEE yourself and realise what an absolute idiot and twat you've been making of yourself. I really can't stand you and I don't know how I ever did.
How can you just sit there and ... think you're so cool and liberal and that you're all ~gay rights~ and with it and what the fuck ever, and throw around the word faggot like it's nothing? You are so fucking offensive. You just ... wind me up so much. I'm sick of all of you.
And what the hell are you talking about? Jesus. Learn to recognise a joke when you see one.
And you ... I hope one day the world realises how ridiculous and spoilt you are. Actually, no, the WORLD realises that. I hope one day you'll wake up and SEE yourself and realise what an absolute idiot and twat you've been making of yourself. I really can't stand you and I don't know how I ever did.
~Capri
xoxo
"Awake and unafraid."
My Chemical Romance
"I am haunted by humans."
The Book Thief
"Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind."
Lana Del Rey
"It's always darkest just before the dawn. So stay awake with me. Let's prove them wrong."
Rise Against
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Dune
xoxo
"Awake and unafraid."
My Chemical Romance
"I am haunted by humans."
The Book Thief
"Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind."
Lana Del Rey
"It's always darkest just before the dawn. So stay awake with me. Let's prove them wrong."
Rise Against
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Dune
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
What's wrong?
I'm scared there's something wrong with you, too.
Please, no. Please, please no.
I'm scared there's something wrong with you, too.
Please, no. Please, please no.
♥ "You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." ♥
♥ "My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations." ♥
♥ "I lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace." ♥
♥ "Things haven't always been this bad, therefore, things won't always be this bad." ♥
My Place
My Efforts At Being Healthy
My Bus Butterfly Obsession
♥ DFTBA ♥
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
I really want to be friends with you. You seem like a really interesting and nice guy. But I have all these horrible past experiences of things going wrong and ending up in situations I don't want to be in and don't want to cope with. Plus recently I keep doing this 'act' and it's the same pattern I've been stuck in before and I'm scared you're another one of those.
I want you to come into work soon so we can chat like normal people and maybe grab a coffee but without the horrible pressure of you thinking it's a date and me saying 'no it's not'. I don't know why I get so nervous when I see you-I think it's because you caught me off guard the other week and I'm a sucker for pleasing people so hate saying 'no'.
If you called me tonight I'd tell you about the shitty day I've had, about being a bit disillusioned with my friends, I'd tell you about bands I like and tattoos, about J and why I love him. I'd tell you how nice it is to have a new friend and I'd tell you that I'd like to sit on C Green and eat sandwiches in the summer and go drinking in the C and play pool in the evenings.
I don't know why but I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to make things OK between us and I don't even know you apart from to say 'hi' to really. I'm really bummed I didn't come tonight but I didn't have the confidence to go on my own and meet you and your friends there. Plus it would emphasize how many of my mates were busy. I wish L had been free then we would have gone.
I just have this feeling that I want you in my life. I don't know if that's because I think we'd make good friends or because I hate disappointing people...hmm...It would be nice if you could call me tonight even though that thought terrifies me.
I want you to come into work soon so we can chat like normal people and maybe grab a coffee but without the horrible pressure of you thinking it's a date and me saying 'no it's not'. I don't know why I get so nervous when I see you-I think it's because you caught me off guard the other week and I'm a sucker for pleasing people so hate saying 'no'.
If you called me tonight I'd tell you about the shitty day I've had, about being a bit disillusioned with my friends, I'd tell you about bands I like and tattoos, about J and why I love him. I'd tell you how nice it is to have a new friend and I'd tell you that I'd like to sit on C Green and eat sandwiches in the summer and go drinking in the C and play pool in the evenings.
I don't know why but I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to make things OK between us and I don't even know you apart from to say 'hi' to really. I'm really bummed I didn't come tonight but I didn't have the confidence to go on my own and meet you and your friends there. Plus it would emphasize how many of my mates were busy. I wish L had been free then we would have gone.
I just have this feeling that I want you in my life. I don't know if that's because I think we'd make good friends or because I hate disappointing people...hmm...It would be nice if you could call me tonight even though that thought terrifies me.
"She would never know, because he would never tell her. Somehow if she’d known the worst parts, she couldn’t have gone on being a haven for him… He needed her ignorance to hide in. Yet at the same time, he wanted to know and be known as deeply as possible. And the two desires were irreconcilable"
From Regeneration by Pat Barker
From Regeneration by Pat Barker
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Birdie
- quintessential regular
- Posts: 2124
- Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:34 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: United States
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
I miss you like fucking hell. I know you don't feel the same way anymore, but looking into your eyes singing karaoke together...I know I still have love for you. You mean so much more to me than you'll ever know.
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=143006
Tweet Tweet
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Chey
- welcome cow
- Posts: 16556
- Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 3:49 pm
- Gender: Non Binary
- Location: Brantford Ontario
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
you said it was included, what other surprises are you going to throw at me?
" “In 900 years of time and space, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important” — The Doctor, Season 6, Christmas Special
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strider 151
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3422
- Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:47 pm
- Gender: female
- Location: my mind
- Contact:
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
i feel like u dont care because ur nver there, never on msn, never text, never on fb, never wanna meet up. i guess uve given up on me already. and i dont blame u after what i did. but i really wanna make this work this time, so i wish u would put 100% in
PBH, Telling my parents, My place - All welcome [hugs, stars, challenges, questions are all ok
In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.
[Working Towards Recovery]
*I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*
In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.
[Working Towards Recovery] *I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
Seriously.
What's wrong.
I am reading way too much into this?
Please. Be okay. Please.
What's wrong.
I am reading way too much into this?
Please. Be okay. Please.
♥ "You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." ♥
♥ "My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations." ♥
♥ "I lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace." ♥
♥ "Things haven't always been this bad, therefore, things won't always be this bad." ♥
My Place
My Efforts At Being Healthy
My Bus Butterfly Obsession
♥ DFTBA ♥
-
Chey
- welcome cow
- Posts: 16556
- Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 3:49 pm
- Gender: Non Binary
- Location: Brantford Ontario
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
I want the renovations to be done NOW!!!!!
" “In 900 years of time and space, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important” — The Doctor, Season 6, Christmas Special
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
Come back
-
strider 151
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3422
- Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:47 pm
- Gender: female
- Location: my mind
- Contact:
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
i dont like this feeling.
PBH, Telling my parents, My place - All welcome [hugs, stars, challenges, questions are all ok
In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.
[Working Towards Recovery]
*I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*
In the end, it doesnt matter where you have been or who you were,
it only matters who you want to be and where you want to end up.
[Working Towards Recovery] *I can do all things through christ who strengthens me, Philippians 4:13*
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
K - Please look after me. please understand that i am trying
"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages"
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=135967 <<<My Place (please read and comment; it are lonely here
)
LoverlyLaurie is my soul sister
Roxi is my twisted sister
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=135967 <<<My Place (please read and comment; it are lonely here
)LoverlyLaurie is my soul sister
Roxi is my twisted sister
Re: Things Left Unsaid *LA*
Well? Are you?
Every time someones mentions that word, I wonder, I wonder if you are, or if I'm just paranoid. I can't ask. It'd be. Horrific if you weren't. Just. Tell me. Please.
I kind of hope you're not though. I hope it was the other option. Which makes me a horrible person, I know.
Every time someones mentions that word, I wonder, I wonder if you are, or if I'm just paranoid. I can't ask. It'd be. Horrific if you weren't. Just. Tell me. Please.
I kind of hope you're not though. I hope it was the other option. Which makes me a horrible person, I know.
♥ "You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." ♥
♥ "My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations." ♥
♥ "I lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace." ♥
♥ "Things haven't always been this bad, therefore, things won't always be this bad." ♥
My Place
My Efforts At Being Healthy
My Bus Butterfly Obsession
♥ DFTBA ♥
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