Things Left Unsaid *LA*

[stripysocks4christ]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. this is a mess. a horrible shitty mess and i hate it.

[Chey]

LC: You are awesome, keep up the great work
C: Please accept the funding request.
SE: I hope you can be my IC again
S: Please don't hesitate to converse with me when we are working. I need that. Though, perhaps maybe tone down the jumping in with questions during my conversations with individuals I need to interact with outside the home. I know its trial and error as we get to know each other. You are doing a great job though!
CP & DW.... what ever you guys decide to do with changing IC's in future years.... please never give me LJ again thanks! (LC, SE or KK are the best for knowing the needs of the independent and mostly self sufficient DB clients.)

AH, Good luck over the next couple days!!! I will find out about extending the cable/internet services for the whole house, sorry I can't do much until I am at our new place as I still need my own internet and phone services working till then!

I: Happy Birthday you! I am not letting snowstorm and moving stress keep me from attending your birthday. Can't wait till we are housemates and I can get to know you better! Maybe I can introduce you to Doxie as she is gentle and will approach you only if your comfortable.

KP: Get back to work as soon as you can! I want my craft buddy back! lol!

KHB: You have been amazing for the organization! Thank you for everything you have done to improve things for all the clients who are DB!

V, A, N, C: I miss you guys terribly. Know that your big sister is thinking about you and loves you all very much. I don't know when if ever we will see each other again but I think about you and hope you are healthy and doing well in life.

KC: I know the conversation had to have been hard for you. I knew since I was small that my genetic disorder and health complications would make pregnancy very risky for me and an unborn child, so I know for me, adoption is my only option. KC, I know you would love to have more kids with your hubby, maybe you will have more kids, who knows, maybe it is easier for me to accept it, but I am very aware of how hard it is too. I love your spirit, don't ever doubt your spirit. You guys are the kind of parents who still teach kids to respect like we were taught as kids. I think you and your husband are great role models and if I ever get married and adopt children, I hope my spouse and I aspire to be like you and your husband.

R: I know I should just ask you if you have feelings for me. I feel confident that if the feelings are not reciprocal that you are going to remain my friend. I just wish I had the confidence to ASK you. *sigh* I don't care that you have any issues. Your personality is what I love.

[strider 151]

you will never understand, and i cant explain. i just slip sometimes. im not perfect. im really trying. im putting 120% effort in and its slowely killing me. school, friends, fighting my addictions. we will see. communication isnt high up on my list right now. just love me as i am.

[stripysocks4christ]

y'know, this afternoon i really believed that you cared about me and that you loved me. now, well, now you've blown that havnt you. urgh. i cant believe im trying to forgive you, you do NOT deserve this.

[strider 151]

you idiot, you said u would do whatever i wanted, what about what you wanted???? you idiot!!!! dam, D u need to stand up for your self. and i didnt even think to ask. shit. what have i done??? oh dammit!

[DuchessN]

I hate that I have to come to terms with you wanting to spend your life with someone else. I thought I gave up on the idea of us when you moved away . . . but I've been holding holding on to this hope in the back of my mind and off in a little corner of my heart. Now, I guess I have to let it go. I have to let you go. I'm sure I'll get over you. I've survived worse things than this. But I love you and I hate that telling you wouldn't make a difference. . .

[esther_mouse]

I'm sorry I fucked up my chance when you gave me every opportunity to talk yesterday, and now I know you'll probably not talk to me for ages, but please do, please, please please please please talk to me, I need you, I need a friend so badly right now, I can't hold it together anymore and everything's too much, I'm sorry, please be there, please, i really can't do it anymore

[Annybelly]

Bastard.
I wanted to slap you today.
There's so much shit in your life, which justifies your actions?
1) No, it doesn't, and it never will. Explain, yes. Justify, no.
2) You don't have that much shit in your life, do you? No. I thought not.

BASTARD

[Chey]

Dear BHN school system.... please, no matter what the weather is, please please please DONT have a snowday next Tuesday. Dear weather.... Don't snow on Monday and Tuesday thankyou!

[strider 151]

i hate that you dont appear to be hurting. i hate that i'm really hurting. i hate that i panicked and ended it too soon. i hate that i havent got over you in one day because im stronger than this. i hate that your pushing everyone away. i hate what we have become and that i let it go so easily when i should have held on. im so so sorry but i cant tell u all this because it would just play with your emotions.

i hate that im so hurt by this

and i hate that i cant tell anyone because no one will understand

[stripysocks4christ]

i cant fucking deal with this any more, everyone expects me to be the voice of reason, i just want to lash out and i swear, one more false move and your gonna be next.

[Birdie]

You ignore me all week, you won't talk to me unless i talk to you, yet when you're upset, you expect me to come running. And the sad thing is, I do. Because I love you more than you could ever imagine and you just tossed me aside. It hurts like hell, but I will ALWAYS be here for you. Why can't you return the favor?

[Stormy Llwellyn]

C. Why the fuck can't you listen, I said NO. Two words that are compete sentences, STOP andNO. . Pay the fuck attention.

W...I do so much for you, I think about the unexpected and try to help you anticipate it. Why do you get mad at me because I wake you a lousy thirty fucking minutes early???

[Neviah]

i cant cope.. and im scared

[strider 151]

dam. why does this always happen to me??? J, im starting to like u 2 much. ur suggesttion of us binning them togther is the best thing u have ever said. but im scared for u, we could never work, so why am I considering it????

[mande]

What the FUCK? You say earlier in the night "We can be friends forever if we don't fuck this up." Then you drag me to some other bar, and after meeting up with your friends you tell me to go home?! FUCK YOU! I found out who really gives a fuck about my feelings and guess what? It isn't you. I'm sick of you.

On Monday when I have to speak on the call it'll be the last time I have anything nice to say about you.

[Neviah]

lesson learned. i wont come to you for support again. go fix your car.

[Stawberry_Lollipops]

You are a bastard. A fucking bastard. You think your life is so tough. I know it's not exactly easy but you have no idea what tough is.

I have an illness. A mental illness. I didn't ask for it. I can't make it magically go away. I'm sorry but it doesn't work like that.

I spend all day holed up in my room because there's nowhere else to go. Nowhere else in this house where I don't have to sit and feel the disappointment and the disapproval radiating off you. The only place I feel even a little bit safe despite all the shit that goes down in that one little room. If only, those four walls could speak, they would have so much to tell.

I'm so sorry that I'm so screwed up, I'm only capable of spending my days in bed. I'm sorry that I'm sick all the time and that I'm so tired. I'm sorry I can't go out and get a job, work for a living or study or go out with my friends. I'm sorry you have to make up excuses when people ask, how I am or what I'm doing with my life. I'm sorry I have to take a pill to make me feel better. I'm sorry I'm so useless that I'm living off you and taking it for 'granted'. Maybe you should just kick me out then? You know, you'd actually probably be doing me a favour...

I pity you for not even trying to understand what it's like for me. I pity you for not caring enough to try and be open minded. To throw away your small-minded views for one minute and see that this is real. I am not lazy, I am sick. That I am falling apart, breaking in two, all the seams are coming undone. I'm sorry you're so blind and so fucking insensitive.

Most of all, I'm so sorry I'm not perfect. That I fucked up your ideals of the perfect, little girl. I'm sorry that I had such potential and threw it all away. I'm sorry I built up your expectations and then let them fall. I am so sorry I'm not as wonderful and perfect as I led you to believe. I'm sorry I can't be that perfect, charming daughter. I'm sincerely sorry you lost her. You have my deepest condolences. I miss her too, Dad.

But still, you are a bastard. I have an illness. It's called Depression and it's real. Get the fuck over it already.

[strider 151]

*SU*
suicide seems like a good option for me

[Chey]

you said you would help.... please do as this was your idea and you wanted me to do this to help the others secure this place.... I have no financial ways to go about this without your help....