Things Left Unsaid *LA*

[Neviah]

so much for a way of contacting you anytime.. im waiting for the message to tell me when the funeral is... why won't you talk to me I don't know what I did?.. i hope you're ok. i need you to be ok

[volta]

^^ hey nev. i know this is generally a non-reply thread, but are hugs okay?
if so, .

[Neviah]

thanks volta hugs are great.

[Neviah]

You're ruined everything I was really looking forward to going to dads and all having a meal but its fine im obviously worthless to you and as soon as i have enough money to move as far as i can you can forget you have a sister. And if you make one more dig about my boyfriend being council housed i'm going to show you your own life and you will seriously not enjoy finding out how much more amazing, sucessfull and independant he is than you. Fuck you, i actually hate you.

[loveLights]

*violence*

I wish I remembered beating the shit out of you. I wish you could feel what you make me feel

[Stefani140]

You wanna know the real reason I am not ready to talk to you? I don't want to set myself up to be in another no win situation where you will undoubtedly get mad and verbally abusive. I know you don't see it that way but when you refuse to stop yelling at me until I cry and am visibly upset and then feel so bad...that is abusive. And just saying sorry and that you overreacted really isn't good enough. There are more mature ways to handle the things you feel, cause you have a right to feel them, but you don't have the right to act so aggressively and hostile toward me.

[capricorn]

No, I'm not okay.
Everything is terrible and I can't even explain what it is.
I miss you and I miss people, I miss knowing safe people and having safe people.
And at the same time I don't. Don't miss anyone or anything, I could just go through my day and never speak to anyone and it would be okay because my brain doesn't tell me to want that or something. I don't miss anyone until I get reminded of them and talk to them. But I never talk to anyone because I can't.
And now I'm feeling left out when I'd just started to feel included.
And SH feels like such a good option right now.
And you think I'm doing really well but I'm not.
And things are too far forward in my mind and I can't get them out.
And I could tell you things but I HAVE to sleep tonight. SOON. It's not even an option, I HAVE TO.
Ugh, I'm so shit at life.
I love you.

[volta]

hi.
it's your birthday.
i feel like i write about it every year, probably because i do.
it doesn't hurt as bad this year. in fact, it hardly hurts.
i think it was because i saw you; i've talked to you and heard that you missed me just as much as i missed you.
i don't feel rejected by you anymore. i don't feel forgotten.
i don't talk to my dad anymore, either.
i hope you have an amazing birthday with your new family. well, they're not new to you anymore. but they're new to me.
i was about to say "i hope you think of me today, because i'm thinking of you." but it reminded me of one of my dad's favorite movies - what dreams may come. when the main character dies, he continues to haunt his wife and talk to her because he doesn't want to let her go. doesn't want her to forget him. when he asks when he'll finally leave the world of the living, his mentor says, "the reality is, it's over when you stop wanting to hurt her."
i don't want to hurt you anymore. i don't want to make you remember me - remember us - if it only brings you pain.
i don't know if i can still say that i love you.
but i love who you were to me. for eight years, you were my second mother.
thank you for that.
and happy birthday.

volta

[Stefani140]

Enough, enough, enough! I am tired, I have a headache, I am frustrated at work...I get to talk to you for a measly half an hour to hopefully feel better. And all you wanna do is disagree with every single damn word I say! Fine, great, its a joke, can we actually have a conversation for once.

[Annybelly]

I'm not coping. I'm not, and I need you to know, but I'm scared that if you know, you'll say I need more help. And that isn't happening. But I want to be so so selfish, and spend a proper amount of time talking, its so frusrating, I need to sit down with you, and start to fgure this damn mess out. But i dont have the guts to ask for that, to ask for your time. Because what you give me, it's already too much, more than i deserve.
But I need help.. I'm not coping. And I need you to understand that, and I want to do what you suggested, but we need time, and neither of us have time. AARRGGHH

[sparklingdust]

I thought nothing you guys ever do will hurt me anymore. I thought I'm over them. Well obviously not. How many more things will you guys do? Maybe I'm being too sensitive, maybe I'm being selfish... I just dunno why it hurts so much.

[Annybelly]

You have NO fucking right to jump in like that. No fucking right at all. Just stay out of it. Its none of your business. You don't understand. You never will. So just leave it, okay?

[Beasty]

J- I'm sorry I didn't cry enough for you. I'll keep trying.

K- You do deserve someone awesome and amazing. And if you get mono, my bad, but I was tipsy, you're lovely, and you grabbed my face first.

[Annybelly]

I'm sorry, NL. I didnt realise what you meant, and im glad I didnt act on what i was feeling. You dont know that was about you, NL, but can you forgive it anyway. Thank you, what you did was appreciated!

Oh, and L? Im genuinely happy for you

[DuchessN]

I love you. And how I wish I could say that to you. How it hurts to listen to how wonderful she is and how happy you are with her. To hear you describe her perfection and the changes you're making in your life for her. To know about the way you make love to her and to have to just smile and tell you how happy I am for you. To have to reassure you when you vent to me the times that she hurts you. Why? Because I do sinecerely want you to be happy. Even if that happiness isn't found with me. Yesterday when you told me you want to spend the rest of your life with her, I realized I needed to let you go. I had to give up this idea that somehow, someday you would look at me and know that all this time, it was me who was there for you whenever you needed me. The idea that you would see that silent prayer in my eyes and want to be the one who answered it. I don't want to let it go, but it hurts too much to hold on to. So I'll just sit back and wish you all the happiness in the world because you do deserve it.

[ambivalent red]

I cant beleive you have me sitting in the corner to get on the computer. You need to get your wireless activated NOW! I bet if you knew I SI'd and needed to get on bus you would hook up your router, but if it doesnt affect you, you dont care. Well I can not sit on my ass and watch jerry springer all day like you. You are an asshole and very rude. You barely pay me but expect the best nanny and on top of that you expect a house keeper.

And you- dont you EVER again tell me "this is one of our pet peaves about you" you bitch. you have always been so nice, but since being here I see your true colors, you are as bad as him, you just say it and act nicer.

fuck you both - I love your daughter and I feel bad for her that she has OCD parents because you guys dont recognize it.
I will not be here much longer and you will regret that. NONE will ever accept the pay and amount of work I do for you.

[ambivalent red]

the above post was not meant to offend anyone who suffers from OCD, I have a mild case myself- thx.

[Ichiro_Sato]

Close your eyes, listen to your heartbeat and see that first imagine I painted for you.
Sitting under the shaded tree, the sun slowly setting while a calm stream runs beside us. My arms wrapped around you and my hands over yours; our fingers laced praying never to let go. Time changes but the wonder of pictures never do. I still think of you everyday but I see your love for another so I shall sit in my corner eventually I might creep out but for now the darkness shrouds me while no other reaches for this forgotten queen of shadows.

-Bith

I fell hard today; angel where are you?

[guest567]

Why can't I be allowed financial help from you to move out next year when you are helping the others? I want and need to move out at some point and I should be living away from home already.

[capricorn]

I can't tell you everything when you never ask me anything. This isn't just about me, you know.