idk what to do now...

[PirateNinja27]

i decided to just go and get the damn pregnancy test about 2 hrs ago.. i took it... it said positive.. so i went n bought 2 more tests after tht...... n both of those said positive too....... i feel so stupid.. how can i raise a kid when i can barely take care of myself..?!

[flyingturtle]

There's always adoption, hun. (I know you said in your last post you don't want an abortion.) If you want to still watch your child grow up, make it an open adoption. You can meet the future parents first and see if you think they'd do a good job raising your kid. Talk to your parents? They're gonna have to know... I'm sure your kid will understand when they're you're age why you gave them up if that's what you choose to do.

[capricorn]

I'm sorry to hear that, I know it's not what you wanted.

Flying turtle is right ... if you are against abortion and you feel that you aren't able to cope with looking after a child, adoption might be the best way forward, especially an open adoption so you'll still have some contact if you want. If it's gonna mess you up and you won't be able to look after that baby, it's maybe the best option.

Also, talk to your parents, they need to know and that'll give you some more support irl. And your doctor, especially about your meds, if they're safe or if there are alternatives.

Take gentle care of yourself

[PirateNinja27]

my parents will blame me n they have a right to.. they wont be supportive... theyll yell n be pissed at me...

[flyingturtle]

Of course they will. They're your parents... Mine would give me a good freak out if I were in the same situation... Seriously, though. You can't hide this pregnancy from them for too long... Eventually they're going to notice and it's probably better to tell them now before you get noticeably pregnant and they figure it out themselves... I dunno. I've never been in that situation, but it seems logical to tell them before it's too late?

[PirateNinja27]

these are the same parents who dont believe tht my uncle molested me n still make me see him during family things...

[capricorn]

First off I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your uncle, that must be very hard for you to deal with

About your parents ... it does sound like they'll have a bad reaction, and it's true they may not be supportive, but unless you're planning to have an abortion [which I think you said is out of the question for you, iirc] then they will have to know at some point. There's just no getting around it.

So for better means of support ... do you have any friends mature/responsible enough to be good support? Or other family members? A school counsellor? Your doctor?

Thinking of you

[PirateNinja27]

well my friend deondra... she has a kid. n shes mature. im not in skool. so no skool counselor n i dnt member the last time i was at the doctor.. so no doctor.. ugh. i jus want everything to go away.

[capricorn]

Deondra sounds like she'd be good to talk to aye.

So do you not have a doctor ... now might be the time to get one! Urgent-like.

It must be really overwhelming for you ... I really feel for you. But things aren't going to go away, and it's important that you try and deal with them and take some control, or the situation will just get worse.

[NobodyToYou]

I agree with what other people have said, but I know right now things are probably really overwhelming and hard to sort out...

So, in answer to the "what to do now", I decided to put my ideas in order.

1) Talk to your friend so you have someone who knows. Sometimes keeping things secret is just too hard and you need someone you can talk to.

2) Find a doctor and get an appointment ASAP. Your friend might have one she likes, and that would be a good place to start.

3) As soon as you can, talk to that doctor about your medications. I know you don't want to take something that will hurt the baby, but you also don't want to be without your medications if they are safe enough to take. Being emotionally stable while making decisions is important too. (By the way, who prescribed them? If you have a pdoc already, call and ask about whether they are safe for pregnancy or not, and you wouldn't have to wait for an appointment. That would actually be ideal. But in any case, you will still want to get a regular doc, since Pdocs don't look after your general health.)

4) Wait until you get a confirmation from your doc that you really are pregnant before telling your parents. If you had a better relationship with them, I would not say this... but as it is, you really don't want to tell them, deal with the fallout, and then find out the tests were wrong. (They probably are right, especially since you took several. But getting it confirmed is still a good idea...) And if you are worried that they will kick you out of their house or something, then having talked to the doc already will give you a chance to ask if he knows of any resources, in case they are needed.

5) Prepare yourself for talking to your parents. You already know they are going to be upset. They probably will be angry that you did things they don't approve of. I would be if you were my child. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't love you or that I would blame you for the rape or that I would be angry with the baby. Their first emotional reaction is going to be a lot like yours was... feelings flying everywhere, questions about how this could happen, wanting to make it all go away, etc. And then eventually their feelings will calm down a bit, they will be able to think again, and you can work with them to make a plan for the future. (They should have believed you about your uncle, but their lack of belief there doesn't mean they won't believe you now. The situations are different and they don't have a relationship with the other person that would make believing you emotionally difficult for them.)
If you are not sure they will support you (meaning, you think they might kick you out of the house and leave you homeless, or try to force you to have an abortion), then start looking into what resources are in your area for young pregnant women. There are probably places that can give you counseling, financial help, and sometimes even housing, if you can find them. I hope this isn't something you would need... but I don't know your parents and I don't know what is realistic.

6) Once you have talked to your parents and given the emotional overload time to settle down, then it is time to start talking about the future and learning about what options you have available to you. I wouldn't make any decisions too early about whether you want to raise the baby or not... especially at first, the big wish is to just make things go back to normal. But with time and further evaluation, you might decide you want to keep the baby, or your parents might want to adopt the baby... there are a lot of possible outcomes to this, and you don't have to know what you want yet. Pregnancies take a while for a reason... it helps give you time to think and plan. So it is ok if you take your time and think everything through carefully and talk to the people who will help support you. (And I hope your parents will be part of that once they stop freaking out... but if not, look for other people who will.)

7) Depending on what is decided, then you have to focus on practical stuff like "how to financially support a child" or " how to choose an adoptive family" and "what organization do we want to have the adoption through". But you don't have to figure this stuff out for a long time, because the other steps need to be done first.

I hope this helps. You aren't as alone as you feel right now, and you CAN get through this. It is going to be hard, but not impossible. We will help if we can.

[poohkwang]

I agree with what other people have said, but I know right now things are probably really overwhelming and hard to sort out...

So, in answer to the "what to do now", I decided to put my ideas in order.

1) Talk to your friend so you have someone who knows. Sometimes keeping things secret is just too hard and you need someone you can talk to.

2) Find a doctor and get an appointment ASAP. Your friend might have one she likes, and that would be a good place to start.

3) As soon as you can, talk to that doctor about your medications. I know you don't want to take something that will hurt the baby, but you also don't want to be without your medications if they are safe enough to take. Being emotionally stable while making decisions is important too. (By the way, who prescribed them? If you have a pdoc already, call and ask about whether they are safe for pregnancy or not, and you wouldn't have to wait for an appointment. That would actually be ideal. But in any case, you will still want to get a regular doc, since Pdocs don't look after your general health.)

4) Wait until you get a confirmation from your doc that you really are pregnant before telling your parents. If you had a better relationship with them, I would not say this... but as it is, you really don't want to tell them, deal with the fallout, and then find out the tests were wrong. (They probably are right, especially since you took several. But getting it confirmed is still a good idea...) And if you are worried that they will kick you out of their house or something, then having talked to the doc already will give you a chance to ask if he knows of any resources, in case they are needed.

5) Prepare yourself for talking to your parents. You already know they are going to be upset. They probably will be angry that you did things they don't approve of. I would be if you were my child. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't love you or that I would blame you for the rape or that I would be angry with the baby. Their first emotional reaction is going to be a lot like yours was... feelings flying everywhere, questions about how this could happen, wanting to make it all go away, etc. And then eventually their feelings will calm down a bit, they will be able to think again, and you can work with them to make a plan for the future. (They should have believed you about your uncle, but their lack of belief there doesn't mean they won't believe you now. The situations are different and they don't have a relationship with the other person that would make believing you emotionally difficult for them.)
If you are not sure they will support you (meaning, you think they might kick you out of the house and leave you homeless, or try to force you to have an abortion), then start looking into what resources are in your area for young pregnant women. There are probably places that can give you counseling, financial help, and sometimes even housing, if you can find them. I hope this isn't something you would need... but I don't know your parents and I don't know what is realistic.

6) Once you have talked to your parents and given the emotional overload time to settle down, then it is time to start talking about the future and learning about what options you have available to you. I wouldn't make any decisions too early about whether you want to raise the baby or not... especially at first, the big wish is to just make things go back to normal. But with time and further evaluation, you might decide you want to keep the baby, or your parents might want to adopt the baby... there are a lot of possible outcomes to this, and you don't have to know what you want yet. Pregnancies take a while for a reason... it helps give you time to think and plan. So it is ok if you take your time and think everything through carefully and talk to the people who will help support you. (And I hope your parents will be part of that once they stop freaking out... but if not, look for other people who will.)

7) Depending on what is decided, then you have to focus on practical stuff like "how to financially support a child" or " how to choose an adoptive family" and "what organization do we want to have the adoption through". But you don't have to figure this stuff out for a long time, because the other steps need to be done first.

I hope this helps. You aren't as alone as you feel right now, and you CAN get through this. It is going to be hard, but not impossible. We will help if we can.

agree with this..very well said..
just good luck to you, just be strong, WE are here to help you as possible as we can.

[PirateNinja27]

i rlly appreciate all the replies.. thanks everyone