write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i'll finally have gotten what i want. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will give me relief. it will take away trust when i finally get up the guts to tell people. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i don't know how i *want* to feel. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
it will last for a minute or two, and then i'll start binge cutting. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i don't know. the only thing i *want* to do is cut. it will change the situation drastically. i'll be a danger to myself again, my pdoc will drop me, and my parents will freak. not good.
that is - if they find out. which they will, sooner or later. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i don't know, i don't know, i don't know! - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i want comfort and familiarity and to be doing something.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
