After - first slip in over 4 years

[syn]

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

* have you taken care of your physical wounds?
Yes.
* what had happened just before?
My boyfriend and I were having an argument, 2 days before I had my first car accident.
* what were you thinking and feeling?
Overwhelmed, worthless, guilt ridden, unsupported, unable to support the people I care about, that I am selfish and uncaring.
* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I was at my limit and I had been thinking about self injuring for several days, and had been having urges for several weeks. The argument was the final straw, and I SI'ed impulsively.
* how did the situation get to the final straw stage?
I reacted to the accident with extreme guilt, as well as old fears that people were going to turn against me and blame me. I had been unable to take care of myself properly and be there for myself emotionally.
* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
N/A
* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I honestly didn't try much of anything up to that prior impulse, and refused to believe anything that worthwhile other than self punishment.
* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Addressing the guilt through writing, talking. Not allowing myself to think about it endlessly.
* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
That I am worthwhile and a good person.
* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
My boyfriend and I are talking, and working to resolve our differences, improve our communication and listening. We managed despite him needing to leave for work to end on a good note, and to continue to talk since he has been to work. I am trying to work on me, and also recognize the argument played a small role in the SI. I have been getting increasingly unhealthy in my thinking and approach to myself, and I need to improve my maintenance of me.
* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, don't have a full answer to this yet.
* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
- not deny self care, honor it
- do something that needs to get done
- distract by watching something, talking about something

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

* What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
Nothing, it was 100% impulse
* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
Made one.
* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
At this point I probably would have made one.
* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Probably wouldn't have changed.
* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
The right feeling
* If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
Overwhelmed.


After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.

* Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
Yes.
* If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
Giving space to flashbacks, memories, looking at how I was thinking was irrational and the past to control my present.
* What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
Talking, engaging in self soothing behavior
* Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
Yes, I just need to not fight urges to use them, and not give into cycles of self punishment.
* How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
catch it early, through things stated above.