Before

[lilabean]

• How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
1 - It will distract me from feeling so lonely, 2 – I really hate my body right now and hurting it is appealing, like punishing myself for looking this way
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Again, it will be a distraction shift my attention to something I can control, taking away the feelings of being out of control.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will probably last the rest of the night and since I went a long time with out si recently, I know it will feel good for a while, like I have that secret back
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could distract in other ways, knit, color, watch a movie, call a friend but non of these are as appealing, they are merely distraction they wont make me feel any different
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow I might still feel better, more calm but I will also be thinking, now what? What does this mean in the long run? Will this escalate again like it did last time? Do I want to hurt the ones I love like that if they found out I was si again?
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to talk to my friend right now and ask her why she hasn’t called me or emailed me or anything? I want to ask if I did anything wrong and I just want her to tell me that she loves me and cares about me/ I also want to jump on a plane and go home.
• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I need to punish myself for letting myself get to this weight and I need these feelings of discomfort to go away NOW!
• How do I feel right now?
I feel like this is my only option, the only thing that will ease the discomfort the only thing that can get me through the night sane.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
It will be such a relief to let go of all the thoughts in my head and just focus on the si and how it feels