Si ing for the sake of Siing *SI* (duh) :P

Artemisia · Post by **Artemisia** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 12:08 pm

a tad graphic... please beware of triggers.

what do you do when all you've been doing for the last 2 weeks/months/days etc... is thinking about cutting and not doing it? I've held out for so long (well long for me anyway

) that i've gotten into a habit of putting it off, listening to my feelings, as much as i can, (which isn't a lot) and still wanting to cut. I've done the drawings and the writings and i still want to cut. i want to go home and slice myself up; my shoulders ache because i'm holding back so much, i just want that release.

this was after reading the thread "the last time i wanted to SI and i didn't because" but no amount of distracting myself or willpower has made this urgy feeling go away. and i don't know if i want to live my life with this permanently hanging over my head. arg... make. it. stop. i can't do this anymore.

secretpain · Post by **secretpain** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 1:05 pm

i'm sorry

<--- if okay

Artemisia · Post by **Artemisia** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:27 am

stupid me slipped a couple of days ago and now i want to do it again. and after all the stress of fighting it, i wonder what's the point? it's not like it actually harms me in any permanent way...so i say screw it. or maybe i don't. i don't know. phnarrrg.

my brain protests.

Stawberry_Lollipops · Post by **Stawberry_Lollipops** » Sat Aug 22, 2009 1:14 pm

Its hard I know, but I believe you can do it! We can't learn to *not* SI overnight or in a matter of days or weeks, recovery takes a long time. Even people who haven't SIed for years still struggle sometimes and some even relapse because that’s the nature of addiction, its not just about stopping SI, its about dealing with emotion effectively plus a whole bunch of other factors that come into it. Its a addiction and in order to fight an addiction it not only takes an incredible amount of willpower and support but time. Give yourself that time, allow yourself to make mistakes and stay strong and most importantly stay safe hun.

Ness

Artemisia · Post by **Artemisia** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 10:10 am

thanks sp, hugs always good

Ness,

eee thanks for the kind words love. nice to be loved when my brain thrashes itself for SI. thankee hun hope yr well too?

Stawberry_Lollipops · Post by **Stawberry_Lollipops** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 4:41 pm

No worries hun

My brain thrashes itself for SI too, its like a never ending cycle. I SI to feel better and then feel bad for SI-ing. I wouldn't say I'm well, but I'm managing to keep my head above water so to speak. I guess that's a good thing.

Ness

Katylee · Post by **Katylee** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:30 am

No matter what happens, you are a good person. Hugs if okay.

Artemisia · Post by **Artemisia** » Fri Aug 28, 2009 8:55 am

tnx all

Roxi · Post by **Roxi** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:34 pm

i can't do this anymore.

You can do it. It's not easy, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it's not impossible either (even though it very well may feel like it at the time ) If you have gone one day without SI , you can do another and another after that. Sometimes it's frustrating when you think "I have not SIed in 3 weeks... wow that's forever, I really need to hurt myself, I can't go on for longer" - and sometimes it's easier to treat each day as an individual day of 24 hours in which you try your best to choose healthy means of coping.

Artemisia · Post by **Artemisia** » Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:20 am

thank you, i know yr right, just hard to keep perspective; thank you tho

SplinteredGirl · Post by **SplinteredGirl** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:05 pm

great post. i can really relate. last time i slipped thats exacly what was going through my brain...

Artemisia · Post by **Artemisia** » Mon Sep 21, 2009 7:30 pm

SplinteredGirl wrote:great post. i can really relate. last time i slipped thats exacly what was going through my brain...

thanks! that's very reassuring, that i'm not a nut, and that you feel the same, and that you think it was great

thanks, you've made my day

bus

Si ing for the sake of Siing SI (duh) :P

Si ing for the sake of Siing SI (duh) :P

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