coping with *SI*?

LoverlyLaurie · Post by **LoverlyLaurie** » Tue Jul 28, 2009 6:52 am

how do i cope when SI's all i can think about?
what do you do if you want to cope, but then you don't? does that make sense? i mean maybe i don't want to cope another way...i don't know. i don't know if i see SI as a way i'm "coping". to me, coping means you're doing something good doesn't it? I don't even know if SI makes me feel better...i'm just compelled to do it.

maybe i just don't want to learn how to cope because it takes more energy or something and i don't have any left?

don't know what i want from this post, just had to put out there how i'm feeling right now.

Post by **Spidey** » Tue Jul 28, 2009 6:21 pm

I believe that it is quite the opposite. It takes *more* energy to SI than it does to learn how to cope using non-harmful means. Just think about it this way:

If you SI you have to:

- hide and/or clean the tool that you used
- bandage and take care of the wound
- make sure that nobody else finds out about/sees the wound
- make sure that the wound does not get infected

If you learn to cope you don't have to do anything like that.

LoverlyLaurie · Post by **LoverlyLaurie** » Wed Jul 29, 2009 2:36 am

thanks for that perspective...i'm the eternal pessimist. ha
i know it takes more to si than to cope by other means...i just don't know if i wanna stop, and that makes me feel really bad inside, but it feels like i just can't cope any other way.

thanks EP.
<3

xsail_throughx · Post by **xsail_throughx** » Wed Jul 29, 2009 2:40 am

i understand exactly what you mean. i have been doing it for a year and a half. some days i want to quit, but others i want to keep doing it.
i know that the reason im afraid of quitting is because i feel like i wont have anything to deal with my problems. im afraid of feeling the pain emotionally. SI is like a friend. it takes the pain away. im afraid of what happens once my coping mechanism is gone....then how do i deal with pain?? maybe this is how you feel too.

*hugs if ok*

sail through

LoverlyLaurie · Post by **LoverlyLaurie** » Wed Jul 29, 2009 3:59 am

you said it. that's how i feel, it's like if i lose SI, what do i have to turn to? I'm still afraid to turn to those people/things other than SI to cope just like i've always been. that's why i turned to SI in the first place.

thanks,
<3
L

xsail_throughx · Post by **xsail_throughx** » Thu Jul 30, 2009 3:42 am

no problem. =)
if you ever want to talk feel free to PM me =)

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 7:56 pm

I understand how you feel. SOmetimes I feel that way too. Like SI is the friend that is always there no matter what happens. Coping with something else is hard for me. Its like it takes so much more to resist siing then it does to just give in. I understand. But what would happen if you waited a little longer before siing? Or do something that you enjoy sometimes when urges get u down? I dono if I am making sense but I just want you to know I understand where your comming from. You arn't alone in feeling this way.
-Badgirl22

LoverlyLaurie · Post by **LoverlyLaurie** » Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:38 am

thanks everyone for your great replies!

badgirl22-thanks for letting me know i'm not alone in feeling the way i do...i understand what you mean about waiting a little longer...i si'd last week after being si-less for about a week. (apparently a week is as long as i can hold out.) i feel like it's in control of me when the urges finally get to me...but i feel like i'm sorta in control of it because i don't cut deep at all, it's really pretty superficial...so i feel in control that way, if that makes sense...but thanks for letting me know i'm not alone.

StevieLynn · Post by **StevieLynn** » Sat Sep 26, 2009 4:56 am

I just wanted to say, it's ok if you aren't ready to stop SI. SI is not a healthy coping mechanism, but you have to want to stop for you, not for anyone or anything else. I know it can be like an old friend, something you turn to when it feels like nothing else will help. But deep in mind what Electric Prophet said. SI does take a lot of energy out of you, and sometimes the guilt and shame associated with it can be overwhelming. I find it helpful when the urges feel like they are going to take over to do something with my hands. That way they are busy and can't be doing something harmful to myself. I knit or sculpt clay beads. You could do that, or any number of other things. If you haven't already, check out the Scarily Vast List of Coping Mechanisms in this forum to get some good ideas.

Take care.

Love,
Stevie

imoverit2007 · Post by **imoverit2007** » Wed Nov 25, 2009 8:52 am

This may be a little challenge-y....

Don't get into the frame of mind that just because you're cutting superficially, you're in control. I know SI can make you seem like you have control of the situation and of your body, but, in reality, you really don't. Just the fact that you can only avoid it for so long before you feel like you *have* to do it is evidence of that.

End of challenge.

On the other hand, if you're not ready to stop, then you're not ready to stop. But if that's your mind set, then you can't be upset, sad, or angry with yourself after you do cut for any reason. The time will come when you've had enough of it and you decide that you're ready to be done with it, and that's when it's most important to have these other coping mechanisms available to you. You could also try now by trying out some coping skills that are still inducing some kind of pain, but aren't quite as damaging as cutting, like snapping an elastic band around your wrist, or putting your hand in ice water for as long as you can take it. I've found that those can be good stepping stones to stop SI entirely, but it depends what you like about cutting - is it the blood or the pain or the *feeling* of control?

Lucky071307 · Post by **Lucky071307** » Thu Nov 26, 2009 11:11 pm

I feel exactly the way you do. I feel like i can barely go a week without cutting and there are days when i know deep down that this isnt healthy at all and i get pissed at myself. I also have other days however, when i really dont give a damn. I want to learn how to cope but at the same time I really dont. I feel like i dont want to put in the time and effort to cope and just go with what i know already. I just wanna say that im right here feeling what you are and im thinking of you.

Megs074 · Post by **Megs074** » Mon Nov 30, 2009 10:47 pm

Lucky071307 wrote:I feel exactly the way you do. I feel like i can barely go a week without cutting and there are days when i know deep down that this isnt healthy at all and i get pissed at myself. I also have other days however, when i really dont give a damn. I want to learn how to cope but at the same time I really dont. I feel like i dont want to put in the time and effort to cope and just go with what i know already. I just wanna say that im right here feeling what you are and im thinking of you.

i totally agree with this, i'm so tired all the time of trying to fight the feelings and thoughts that i can't imagine having the energy to try something different and fight for another day, so i just give in to what i know. im really glad i found this board because people here can put to words everything floating around in my head and it makes me feel not so confused. so thanks, and i hope things are getting better for you.

SplinteredGirl · Post by **SplinteredGirl** » Mon Nov 30, 2009 11:08 pm

Ive felt like this so many times before... in the past, when it was just to hard to find another way to cope, i went to my boyfriends house, and That , (at the time)and that alone was all i could really do in my power (i felt at the time) not too.

recently, most of my insentive not to SI is along the lines of what Prophet said. i started realizing it took almost all of my energy *just* to hide it.

i know your prob just getting the same advice over and over, and i know SI can be so frustrating
(i remember myself at the same point as you are, trying *so hard* having it on my mind like *all* the time, and only being able to make it a week or so without.)
You have to find what works for you, but that doesnt mean its always gonna work. My #1 coping/distraction is my sketchbook. before i started my sketchbook, i traced pictures ( like of sailor moon

) and that helped keep my hands busy, and gave me something else, besides SI to focus on. To this day sometimes i surprise myself, when i feel like hell and im restless cantsleep/ cant slow down my thoughts, i tell myself i'll allow myself to SI AFTER i cover an ENTIRE sketch page. alot of the time they wernt even actual pictures, just paint drippings and rainbows or magazine clippings with doodles around them. most of the time half way through the picture, i realize Hey, im not even thinking about SI anymore! and i have something beautiful to show for it.
of corse, like i said, this didnt/doesnt always work... you have to have a backup. my 3 are. Drawing/painting, hot shower, long long long walk (so i almost have no energy to SI when i get home in the first place.) also, making it harder to get to my tool helped, since it gave me more time to think before i acted.
sorry for the rant, hope your doing alright today.. maybe you could work out some kind of reward system for when you dont SI?
blah blah blah haha

LoverlyLaurie · Post by **LoverlyLaurie** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:44 pm

thank you guys for your replys. i forgot i posted this.

i really need some encouragement today, so i'm glad i read it.

L

LoverlyLaurie · Post by **LoverlyLaurie** » Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:12 am

not coping to well with my self image today. wanting to SI...feeling really bad, in that dark place right now.

a chance is all i need, but will i give it to myself?
that is the question.

Heidi4DBT · Post by **Heidi4DBT** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:24 pm

I am sorry that you are feeling bad. Hang in there better are on the way. I don't know what else to say but good wishes.

bus

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