Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
No wounds.
what had happened just before?
Convo with our rent guarantor because I'm short on rent this month. I'd just realised the money I was short I had used to pay another debt last month.
what were you thinking and feeling?
Worried, inadequate, generally depressed.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I didn't this time, but I was right on the edge. I haven't hit for a few weeks, but this was just a powerful feeling that this was all my fault and that someone else was going to have to look after it and yet again I failed to cope with managing money.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
The realisation, after I had ruled everything else out that I had forgotten that I had cleared another debt. If money is bad then debts are worse. Once I clear one off it just goes out of my head like it never existed. I just couldn't get rid of the feeling that even when I do something right it makes something else go wrong.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I was just back from LRP last night, and I re-injured my neck chopping wood at the weekend. I've kind of stopped thriving off the pain of injuries, as a result of therapy. But that means that I have to cope with it, and it just becomes yet another weight. So I need to look after myself more, that's all. Doesn't help that the painkillers from the GP turn me into a zombie (and not the cool Danny Boyle type either).
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Talking about it and explaining to the guarantor helped a bit, but mostly I just got on with my day.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I'm not sure, it was a bit of a sudden urge. I'm just glad I didn't go through with it.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Don't know.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It's kind of resolved. I feel worried that I got a sudden urge to hit, even though I beat it this time. It's still making me feel really insecure.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Hopefully not. But I'll deal with the convo from a positive angle, maybe rehearse it a bit first. He's really understanding about this kind of thing, so's the landlord.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Talking about it, going for a walk before I have to have that kind of meeting, thinking it through properly and staying in control.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
It wasn't so much appealing as just a feeling of inevitability. Like a logical response to how I was feeling.
Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
There for the taking, although I suppose I put myself in the position because the convo was over and things had been worked out when I realised what had happened and went back in to own up to it.
What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
Probably just bottled it up for later.
If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
I think this time it would have decreased.
What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Being alone. As I'm a hitter, I am my tools
If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
I'm never sure how to answer this one.
After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.
Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
Yes.
If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
Feeling foolish and inadequate. Feeling that failure just seemed to be the outcome of everything I tried.
They were very apparant at the time.
What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
Mostly the loss of opportunity. But also I made myself focus on what was actually happening, rather than what I wanted/expected to happen. I'm getting slightly better at dealing with self-hate feelings that go with my SI triggers.
Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
They worked this time. But I need to take more control of situations like that. It's hard for me to risk confrontations, because I usually over-react to them and make things worse.
If No - What coping skills got me through?
Ibid.
Why do I think they worked?
I think I just didn't want to hit, as much as I wanted to. If that makes sense. It felt wrong, and I didn't want to go through with it.
How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
Ibid.
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
