Things Left Unsaid - Version 3.0 *Language*

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Thu May 07, 2009 8:31 pm

- I'm finally getting you out of my life. I know we won't have contact ever again. It's weird, but best this way.

- Please get out of my dreams

stripysocks4christ · Post by **stripysocks4christ** » Thu May 07, 2009 8:35 pm

please help me do what i need to do...

5th section · Post by **5th section** » Fri May 08, 2009 2:33 am

I want to help. I'm not sure how much I can.

You're in danger. I wich you could see that. Please please please, wake up, look around you and think about how this might end. I'm frightened for you.

Inthebox · Post by **Inthebox** » Fri May 08, 2009 5:18 am

When I say I'm not doing well, I mean it. Why do you ignore that like I'm fine? I am falling apart......and you will be suprised when things happen, even though I told you!

Stefani140 · Post by **Stefani140** » Fri May 08, 2009 5:09 pm

Why do you force me to constantly prove myself to you? Why do I constantly have to explain why I love you, why I think this, why I think that, why I say this, why I say that, will I ever leave, why not....repeat until I'm ready to scream. Isn't it enough that I do love you and won't leave you and do think those things about you? I shouldn't have to prove myself to you all the time, I've done nothing to deserve that. Ultimately all your paranoia will end up doing is pushing me away.

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Fri May 08, 2009 6:14 pm

- Why did it have to go this way? Why can't it just be normal and good...

- Goodbye. I will never contact you again.

purplefroggydishwasher · Post by **purplefroggydishwasher** » Sat May 09, 2009 11:42 am

In giving you what you wanted I lost so much of myself. Three issues, two reloved on a standoff. The third you ignored, downplayed even fostered. I was screaming for help. Now that I'm sane again it consumes me again. I've come full circle. I don't know wether to thank you or curse you for it. It's too late now. Mabey it was always too late.

RG · Post by RG » Sat May 09, 2009 6:22 pm

I FUCKING HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! I should have never been born.... Such a failure!

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Sat May 09, 2009 6:25 pm

I hate you. I wish you didn't exist.

hedgepig · Post by **hedgepig** » Sat May 09, 2009 7:45 pm

It still really hurts me that you weren't there when I needed you most.

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Sun May 10, 2009 11:28 pm

I said this a bunch but it still feels like I didn't say it enough.

I love you, Grandmommy. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
I miss you.
I can't believe you're dead.
I'm crying as I type. I'd give anything just to be able to see you and hug you again. I dreamed of you last night: you came to see me. I knew you were dead and a hallucination but I didn't care and I ran into your arms and didn't let go.

I wish I could come visit you, eat breakfast while you complain about wearing the oxygen because you were proud and it was demeaning. But we made you because we love you. Sit with you at cocktail hour and laugh and fuss at Granddad for feeding the dogs too many treats. Eat Bluebell Strawberry Ice Cream with you because it was your favourite dessert ever. I'll ask you to tell me about your mother's trickery again and again. I'll stick out my tongue at you if you stick out yours at me because our tongues have turned blue from your blueberry cobbler that you always ordered at the Yacht Club. We can read together. I'll try on all of your shoes and sniff at all of your perfumes until deciding to put on the one in the heart-shaped bottle while you put on your make-up. I'll go to the beach with you and we can go swimming, but this time I'll keep up with you. You can wear the wetsuit and the goggles and snorkel combination again because you wont be in pain. I'll laugh at the snorkel because we both know it looked funny but you didn't care. You were such a strong swimmer and damned if anybody was going to keep you out of the water. We'll scarf down the Sun Chips because they were our favourite cocktail snack. I knew I loved you but I didn't really realise it completely until you were gone. I guess that's how it is with a lot of things.

----------------------------------------------------------

I love you, too, Granddad. I love you and miss you. I miss your deep, reverberating voice (every word was perfectly enunciated). I miss your kisses on my cheek (even though they were a little wet because you licked your lips very often). I should have asked you both so many questions that now I'll never know the answers to. I miss your command of every room you entered, confident in yourself and proud of your family. Of us. Of me. You were very proud of me even when I wasn't particularly proud of myself. I might have been your favourite, even.

And yes, I even miss serving you brie, as much as I hated the concept at the time. I'll make you a thousand Triscuit crackers with brie if you'll just stride into the gallery again and take your place in the chair on the right. If I do that, will you come? I'll go buy a hundred wedges of brie and a hundred boxes of Triscuits. I'll make them all and lay them out on plates for you, then I'll sit on the couch and wait for you to come at 5:30 on the dot as you always did. I promise you can wear your sweat suit. If you're late, I'll wait. I can always put the crackers and cheese in the fridge to stay cold and fresh for you. Just please come.

Because I love you. I love both of you and it absolutely breaks my heart that you are dead and gone. Not gone from my heart, but what does my heart know? It's broken and it never remembered to call as often as it should have anyway.

faegirl · Post by **faegirl** » Mon May 11, 2009 9:53 pm

It really hurts me that you didn't remember my birthday. It hurts me even more that you were online on my birthday, and didn't even say hi.

The last time we talked, I told you how much you mean to me... and I haven't heard from you since... even though I can see from your MySpace activity that you've been online multiple times...

You always made fun of the fact that I always ruined "the moment" - that I always seemed to push you away when it felt like maybe we were getting close. I let you get close, and... look where it got me. I'm still alone, and now I feel stupid on top of it because I let you know how I feel.

stripysocks4christ · Post by **stripysocks4christ** » Tue May 12, 2009 7:18 pm

dont give up!! i have faith in you!!! you can do it. i know you can. you're my inspiration - dont give up!

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Tue May 12, 2009 7:58 pm

- I feel so stupid for hugging and touching you so much today. Don't think too much about it, please. It's just an old habit.

- I think about you today. If you could just return...say that you will change now..that you have realized that you made a mistake..that I'm the right one for you. But that won't happen. I know that.

amyfairy · Post by **amyfairy** » Wed May 13, 2009 10:51 am

doesn't need reading, i'm just trying to get my thoughts sorted.

okay, well today i'm not feeling as good as i have been.
as time passes, the harder it is to remember the coversation and convince myself that you actually meant it. i'm building it up too much. i know you're interested, but... that's the thing, in my head there's always a "but". i'm scared by talking about it, it'll ruin it. i don't want to be let-down. i'm such a girl, looking into it so much.

i binged this morning and i'm feeling awful, and overshadowing any butterfly-in-stomach feeling that i'd been having. i've put on a couple of pounds and i'm trying to convince myself that i'm okay with this but i'm really not. in my mind, i've twisted it... you won't like me if i put on weight. i shouldn't. i'm using food to overrule my emotions. i want to feel again.

zombiepeople · Post by **zombiepeople** » Wed May 13, 2009 12:33 pm

Stop being so clingy. It makes me really uncomfortable especially because you have a girl friend. Truth be known, that's why I broke up with you in the first place because you wouldn't let me have any space to myself. And don't blame it on the fact that I have PTSD...that's not fair

stripysocks4christ · Post by **stripysocks4christ** » Wed May 13, 2009 5:41 pm

i feel content

amyfairy · Post by **amyfairy** » Wed May 13, 2009 10:23 pm

again, just writing out my thoughts for my own benefit so i can attempt to understand them. if anyone happens to read them and have anything to say, feel free to pm!

okay.
i often get confused between emotions.
if i am really happy, then i often feel sad.
if i'm excited, i can feel anxious.

i don't know why. is this strange? it's like i have really strong emotions, but they're so strong i can't really deal with them.

i've felt a lot of anxiety today.
i know nothing is going to happen between us and i shouldn't fall for someone so quickly. it's a character flaw, whatever. i'm an idiot. i just wish.... argh. it's easier to be alone forever. and i honestly believe that's the future i'm facing and it scares the shit out of me.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Thu May 14, 2009 11:08 am

Idiot, idiot, idiot. Why did I apply for this job? Why did I seriously think I had a chance when we all know I'm nothing more than a worthless slut.

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Thu May 14, 2009 11:26 am

I want to be with you some this summer. But I also don't really want to deal with it-- sex worries me. I'm so insecure about it, so much more than the last time we were together in that capacity. Insanely so.

bus

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