Before...

[DJ_CJ]

I want to SI real bad tonight. I want to get drunk enough to not talk myself out of it. I can’t seem to ever bring myself to make good choices. Nothing really good ever seems to happen to me. Let me rephrase that. Nothing I want ever happens.

I’m feeling a little at the end of my rope.


How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The thoughts will go away for a while but I’m afraid they’ll come back stronger

What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a problem, SIing, back into the present. A place it hasn’t been in a while. It’s already taking away my ability to see situations objectively. I’m just concentrating on the urge now not the actual problem.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to not think about SI in the first place. I don’t know if a relapse will negate the progress I’ve made or only enforce it. Lol Course thinking it could enforce it, which would be a great thing, could just be self-sabotage

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could just go to sleep but what about tomorrow night. Urges are coming more often these days. I’ve got no one to talk to and I don’t know what to do about it. Side note - Sex has always been my favorite distraction. That’s not really been an option for a while. And that is the first time in a long time so could be that’s another reason my urges are back and getting stronger


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Okay so sleeping could sort of be seen as white knuckling through it. Maybe it’s not that I’m disappointed that certain things won’t happen. Cause really, I mean, who knows what the future holds. I feel like I can’t do much about it right now and what I can do I don’t want to do. I’ve hit a wall